Try or Don’t Try
Just try not to be afraid.
Two things can happen if you force yourself to be happy and look on the bright side. It might work, and it might not work. If you can boil things down to either of those two choices, I think you’d have an easier time of it.
Being afraid doesn’t count.
With me, I sometimes plan the heck out of a project, even to the point where I do pretend stuff in my head. When I was younger and afraid, much of the time, this was not a good thing. It was difficult for me to imagine success. Success for a little girl means there are lots of people saying they love me. They would miss me if I were gone. Stuff like that matters to a little girl.
Now, as an adult, all I am afraid of is success.
I can tell myself that’s stupid and unreasonable. I can tell myself not to worry about it because it’s never going to happen anyway.
And, yet, it has. Sort of.
When I set a goal for myself, I either lose interest, find something else to do, and abandon the plan, or I succeed.
Except, what does success mean? I know it’s different in any circumstance. For me, having been an administrative manager for a while was one of those successful things I did. Except ten years later, I’m still dreaming about it. Not one of those dreams is pleasant.
I told Dennis this morning, “I went to war for Pam last night.” And it was a hectic dream. I was thrown back into the confusing, frustrating world of the job I retired from, still unable to get things done, but, by God, I sure put the fear of my wrath in their hearts last night. Even the current bully was cowed. Throughout the dream, I kept thinking, why would nobody call 911? The other thing I kept thinking of was, “Will I have enough energy to do this? I haven’t even had breakfast.” Breakfast is evidently crucial to a superhero woman’s work.
I woke up stunned. I haven’t had a dream like that in a long time. There was a donkey who had been hurt by a car in a nearby parking garage. It was thrashing about, rolling up against parked cars and onlookers. The stupid bystanders and gawkers had a job to do. I told them to go away. I asked Seth after I had awakened if the donkey was okay. He told me he was.
See, one of the things that changed for me years ago when I started channeling is there are all sorts of people and animals in my dreams. Lots and lots of them. I understand now they are all people of spirit; they are my guides, there are teachers, there are my relatives and animals I have known or known of. Just all sorts of folks are in my dreams, in all of them. Seth said just now, “Don’t forget the lookie-loos.” Ha, guide humor.
Sometimes, I recognize them in the dreams, but I don’t generally. It’s not often that I get lucid, though I know that if I were to start reading Stephen LaBerge’s book, “Lucid Dreaming,” I might start doing it again. I don’t know why that is, but if I think about lucid dreaming or read his book again, I can almost guarantee that I’ll start having lucid dreams within a few days.
There is a stark contrast in my dreams between pre-channeling and post-channeling. Before channeling 28 years ago, there were only two people in my dreams: myself and whoever was chasing me. It was simple. They were night terrors. I would wake up frightened and shivering. Now? I wake up wondering if the donkey is okay and thanking the folks in my dream for being there.
Once, I remember having a dream where two burly guys were forcing me. Backward, which to me is scary because when you’re being pushed backward, you can’t see where you are going. Like it could be off a cliff scary, anyway, these guys were being pushy. Too pushy. It was like they had rape and pillaging on their minds. They weren’t violent about it, but they were persistent. Finally, I awakened. The first thing out of my mouth was, “Who are you? Why did you do that?”
Seth, my guide, responded and asked me, “Why didn’t you say no?” So, it was a lesson. Guides sometimes have strange ways of teaching things, but he was right. Why couldn’t I say no? As soon as I understood, I wasn’t angry with whoever had played a part in my dream. I just took the lesson under advisement.
You can practice being successful, I suppose. I have certainly practiced saying no in the bathroom mirror. You can say no while you are scowling. You can say no while you are smiling. It works better if you are scowling. What is essential, I think, is to see your face while you are saying it. You can also practice saying good morning or any number of things. I practiced my Spanish dialogues in the bathroom mirror when I was twelve. Why I did that, I don’t know. All I knew was that it helped me.
So, try or don’t try? Just give it a whirl. If you are unable to do whatever it is, pay attention. There’s a reason why you can’t do it. Maybe you need to learn more. Perhaps you are afraid and should spend time asking yourself why or what you are scared of. Knowing what you’re up against is part of the battle.
I know now that I should consider it a learning tool when something gets in my way. Something about the path I am on is preventing me from doing what I want to be doing. I can force myself to stay on track, or I can try to figure out what’s wrong.
As a writer? All I can say is keep writing and keep reading.
Thanks for reading.
The Links: Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge at Amazon or just Google it.