Truths about Emotional Abuse (I)

A beginning to better understanding…

Sharing personal stories about abuse of any kind is a very challenging, brave, and I believe a very necessary thing. Necessary in a multitude of ways, including but not limited to our truth, our voice, our power & healing as survivors, but also creating an understanding, connection, awareness, and compassion for others, especially those who have experienced abuse themselves — often with little or no support or understanding to his or her situation.

Brené Brown has dedicated much of her life to researching Shame — where it comes from and what it does to our well-being. Survivors of abuse are often deeply shamed by family, friends, and society who prefer to remain in ignorance, or in control, about abuse — especially ‘hidden’ emotional abuse within families. I know for myself, finding those who not only supported me and cared about my health and well-being, but also resources and stories of others who shared my pain, helped me understand that I was not alone and I was not ‘in the wrong’ like some would want me to believe.

As the character Sirius Black stated to Harry Potter “you are not a bad person, you are a good person who bad things have happened to,” reminds me and hopefully others, that sometimes the bad things that happen have nothing to do with you, what you ‘deserve,’ and as much as possible to not be discouraged. Never give up on yourself and your right to be happy — free from those who would cause you harm.

In recent years, awareness around hidden abuse has increased. There are not only books and various professionals dedicated to this field, but old and recent studies along with Ted Talks, YouTube videos, open forums discussing questions and various experiences, people speaking out, etc..

Even-so, there is still much shame, uncomfortability, denial, classic ‘head in the sand’ chosen ignorance, naivety, and JUDGEMENT, for the very people struggling through and overcoming abusive relationships!

Just one prime example of this is so greatly depicted in the title of Dr. Sherri Campbell’s book: But it’s Your Family, where she addresses the reality so many prefer to ignore — families are not only imperfect (which I think most people do accept), but more importantly some are possibly toxic abusive and unhealthy relationships that should not be sustained.

As a kind-hearted often naive and overly optimistic person who often trusts too easily and chooses to give the benefit of the doubt to others, much to my own detriment, I have struggled to find the strength to stand-up and protect myself against these very types of relationships personally and professionally, family and supposed friends… and for anyone else struggling I want to provide hope, understanding, awareness, support, and compassion. Educate yourself about Cluster (Type) B personalities (Covert Aggressive, Narcissistic, Psychopathic, Sociopathic, etc.) with resources like: In Sheep’s Clothing, Psychopath Free, and various others including a wonderful site:

Abuse comes in many forms and from many sources. People we trust(ed), people we love(d), family and/or friends, colleagues/peers, managers, employees, customers/clients, at personal or professional settings, in all shapes, sizes, sex, religions, professions, groups and organizations, etc. The abused often make excuses for the Abusers, and then cause ourselves even more pain. We don’t want to think or feel ‘badly’ about the people we love.

The Abuser(s), as well as other people and/or society, may want to shame or guilt (manipulate) you back into submission because they cannot handle the truth, because it shifts the paradigm — what is comfortable and is to be expected, and/or because they do not like losing control over you. Others do not understand — perhaps because, luckily for them, they haven’t experienced it themselves or through a loved one, or (more likely) have not recognized or admitted to their own abuses. Also, it’s taboo, and any number of various reasons -innocent and not.

I encourage you to love yourself enough to stand up and if need be to walk away from those who abuse you, and even, if necessary, from those who do not understand. As best one can to not cause more pain to him/herself and others, walk away — do not be misled by the lies they would have you believe, and know that you are not only loved but are also truly worthy of love — real supportive genuine love.

Just because you leave does not mean you do not love and it doesn’t mean you can’t or haven’t forgiven, it just means you are giving yourself the best chance possible to live a life you deserve filled with love and positivity…

In my own life, I have leaned on God as well as the person I know He sent to love support guide and protect me, my husband. I am blessed to have great Faith and I pray for anyone to find God’s Love and Grace — it is an amazing and sometimes inexplicable gift. I have felt the presence of God throughout my entire life, but in certain moments I have felt a sense of such overwhelming LOVE it has brought instant tears of joy to my eyes — I wish for everyone to have at least one moment in their lives like this to know of God’s love for them.

Something that has helped me along this journey is a saying I created and repeat daily “at what cost for what gain?”, will being controlled cost you your joy, your soul, your will to live?

How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice? What will you gain by choosing to love yourself enough, to walk away from those who cause you harm? Is the trade-off ‘fair’ to you? How do you want to live and what are you willing to live with or without?

This phrase I coined for myself is relevant to many other aspects of life, choices, health & wellness, mental clarity, economics, business, and so much more. It helps put into perspective the things being measured and what is important — is the sacrifice worth the gain?

What will it cost me to have ____ (or not have ___) and it is worth whatever that cost is (large or small, tangible or intangible, easy or difficult) for whatever it is I am hoping to gain -time, money, love, etc.?

I wish you well and good luck on and through your journey!

As much as I love to write I have never ‘published’ anything other than a couple blogs recently or FB posts and newsletters for my business. This is my first article and I am very nervous. Thank you for your support and I hope it helps someone through a most challenging journey.

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❤ With all the Love, Grace, and hopes for a Better, Brighter, Happier and Healthier tomorrow, as well as to Your Health & Wellness, Happiness, and Well-being. ❤

With Love, Light, Prayers and Blessings ❤ Your Idealistic HolisticNerd ~ ❤ Mind ❤ Body ❤Spirit/Soul ❤ ~

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Lastly, I found this years ago, during my struggle to understand my situation, and I found it immensely helpful while trying to navigate my journey towards a happier healthier life, and I hope it inspires you to go after your not only your truth, but also joy…