Trump’s Resorts, the Trumpettes, and why the employees at Mar-a-Lago should start sending out their resumes.

No matter what happens, Trump’s businesses will fall like dominoes.

**GOD’S view of Mar-a-Lago, as GOD looks down upon it with sadness and disgust.**

You know what’s FUN? Lavish parties.

Trump’s resort, *Mar-a-Lago (*Voted “America’s #1 Source of Health Code Violations”, and Winner of Gourmet-Listeria Magazine’s coveted “Award For Best Pork Stored At 60 Degrees”), USED TO host lavish parties for fundraisers. It’s True.

This was back when Donald J. Trump was just a silly z-list celebrity, who would brag about bursting into the dressing rooms of women in his pageants as they were changing. (NOT A JOKE — He PROUDLY bragged about it during an interview on the Howard Stern Show. It’s easy to find if you ever want to listen to something soul-crushingly creepy, weird, and very, very disturbing)”.

Anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this, because my meds just kicked in, but I’d hazard to guess the point is: Mar-a-Lago USED to host TONS of parties for very high profile charities, and businesses, before Trump became the most famous man in the entire universe* for being the most idiotic man in the entire universe. (*They ADORE him on planet Flogghzhemz, but only because they think of him mostly as a food source).

Here’s a PARTIAL list of places that NO LONGER book events at Mar-a-Lago. Here’s a picture of me while I was writing this list.

American Red Cross, the Salvation Army, the American Cancer Society, American Friends of Magen David Adom, Leaders in Furthering Education, the Palm Beach Zoo, Ryan Licht Sang Bipolar Foundation, MorseLife, Hearing the Ovarian Cancer Whisper, the Unicorn Children’s Foundation, the Preservation Foundation of Palm Beach, the Palm Beach Habilitation Center, the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Charity, Big Dog Ranch Rescue, and Autism Project of Palm Beach County.

Oh my, that IS a LOT of lost business. That’s millions of dollars in lost income.

YAY! Here’s another picture of me.

However, guess who stepped in to replace some of those clients. Did you guess “The RNC and its pet Vampires the GOP”? Yep, got it on the first try. And they spend as much as the rest of those mentioned above combined. For example, The Palm Beach County Republican Party, (Motto: We WILL eat you and eventually kill you”) still hosts there, as does the RNC & GOP, because generations severely lacking in breeding diversity has left them too dimwitted to realize Trump is killing off Republicans the way meteors and Ice Ages kill off dinosaurs. Once this finally sinks in, they too will abandon Trump.

And then… there’s “The Trumpettes”. They support Donald Trump SO MUCH that they wear SASHES stating it, the same way Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons wears a sash that says “Mayor”. They officially booked many of the dates at Mar-a-Lago that were canceled by people who are into sanity and have a conscience, in an act of insanely expensive and truly impressive, and inspiring, idiotic defiance.

So, let’s now discuss, in depth, the Trumpetts.

I’ve spent much time thinking about how I can describe them in an eloquent, morally sound, non-derogatory way. Here’s what I came up with:

The Trumpettes are a group of unfortunate women, whose heads were used to clean up a massive peroxide spill, leaving them sadly incoherent and with a condition best described, medically, as “Silly-Goose Stockholm Syndrome”. Here they are pictured below attempting to sell actor Fred Williamson into slavery, via an auction, shortly before the police and the FBI luckily intervened.

**Sometimes I see things, in the world, and think to myself “Oh my GOD this is actually REAL!” :(**

Now before you judge me for the previous paragraph, I’d like to also point out:

Many Trumpettes are also all members of these Facebook Groups:

“Women For Trump”,
“Women For Syphilis Left Untreated”,
“Women For Preschool-Aged Children Being Put Into Cages”,
“Women For Creating Hard-To-See Holes In The Sidewalks Of Poor Neighborhoods That Have A 30 Foot Drop Onto Spikes”,
“Women For Selling Actor Fred Williamson Into Slavery”,
“Women Who Like To Be Hurled Out Of Moving Cars”
and the “Women Who Love Trump Group”.

Yep. These gals are into some pretty WEIRD stuff… Here’s another picture of some Trumpettes, watching a video of a hard working, law abiding, Hispanic family whose children are all honor-roll students, being violently torn from their home of 20 years by ICE agents, who are dragging them off, away from their friends and loved ones, as the Hispanic family are all weeping hysterically as their lives are destroyed. (This scene plays in a continuous loop on a large screen at the Trumpettes’ Mar-a-Lago events).

**Look how HAPPY WE ARE! (aka- the Original Poster Promoting “The Storming Of The Bastille” in France)**

Here are some more Trumpettes. Seeing them, I have a feeling if I ever went to their town, and personally visited them to interview them, and… at least tried to see their point of view… objectively, like a true journalist SHOULD… and possibly attempt to find some compromise between our ideals, I’d definitely wind up “coming-to” in a dank, dark basement, chained up next to a skeleton that’s also in chains. That’s why I don’t do these things.

**Ironically, their own “speed limit” is ALSO 10 miles per hour, (on the 60 MPH highway of humanity).**

Oh, and here’s Being Patriotic for the EXACT OPPOSITE of everything America is SUPPOSED to be about. The opposite of everything our brave soldiers fought for, and everything that made America… America. These women are also known as the musical group “The Twilight Zone Trio”, (once described by Rolling Stone Magazine as “a musical atrocity” that’s “far, far, worse than AIDS, yet still not as bad as the horrors inflicted upon us by Ted Nugent”). They’re mostly known to perform at the Mos Eisley Cantina on the planet Tatooine.

**Attempting to mimic human customs and mannerisms, in order to “blend in” with those of us born on Earth.**

Now, here’s Trump’s son Eric, as commonly seen in many ultrasound 2nd trimester photos of poor-DNA-choice-fetuses, taking time away from his busy schedule of attempting to murder every living animal with his brother Don. Jr. (Inventor of the “Chin-Strap for The Chinless”), to appear at a Trumpette sponsored “Fundraiser to Bring Back Polio”.

**Stop me if you heard this one… (L-R) An INSANE, Maniacal Trumpette, A Fully-Grown-Adult-Male-Second-Trimester-Fetus, and a horrible woman wearing a red dress, all walk into a bar…**

And lastly, here’s a charming couple, at a Mar-a-Lago Trumpette-sponsored event celebrating Trump’s first HISTORIC year in office. Look how RELATABLE they are! You can almost see the wreckage from where their spaceship landed. Anyway, they look like Demonic Thurston Howell III & Lovey (from the mash-up- reboot of “Gilligan’s Island” and “The Exorcist”), — and/or, — His & Her’s versions of “Evil Monopoly”.

**Taken shortly after removing the rent-controlled tenants of Baltic Ave, by setting their houses on fire.**

So, in closing, I’d like to point out that once Trump’s reign of lunacy is halted, and the GOP scrambles away from him like panicked rats from his sinking Titanic, and the Trumpettes all succumb to Super Gonorrhea (the Gonorrhea that eats antibiotics for breakfast!), or simply lose interest until the next Goofy-Hitler-2.0-Destroyer-Of-Worlds comes along…

Trump’s resorts and businesses will all fall like dominoes, fold like origami, sink like lead, and plunge like a risqué neckline.

The Karma Police are coming for Trump, exactly like the band Radiohead said they would. The regular police will also soon come for Trump, as also mentioned by Radiohead in their song “Hail to the Thief”.

This is because Radiohead never lies to us, as Donald Trump always does.

Written by Steven W. Rouach