Satire
Trump Visits The Vicious Dogs
Life in the bunker is fun!
I was curious about the “vicious dogs” that Trump keeps in his bunker, presumably. No doubt they are ready to attack and tear protesters to pieces. That will teach them!
I got on the phone to my great friend Sam Snickers who works as a valet at the White House. What really happened when Trump and the whole family went down there the other night?
Sam went down with them too because the bunker is very big, almost the size of the White House itself so plenty of room for the whole family and all the kids. Also for all the slaves to feed them and look after them. Trump has 10 grandchildren but only five of them were in the bunker. These are the five youngest ones who were there:-
- Luke, 5 months
- Theodore, 1
- Chloe, 3
- Joseph, 4
- Spencer, 5.
This is what Sam told me:-
“When we went down there, Melania started complaining about the beds.
‘I zhink zhey are a bit too damp for me so I shall sleep on the sofa.’
They ordered their food from the White House kitchen and it was delivered by a robot. They had a variety of Mc Donald’s stuff — always the same junk.
Happy Meals, Snack wraps, Double Cheeseburger, Chicken nuggets, Best Chicken. All of them with french fries and no veggies. But Melania had a Premium Salad. She is the First Lady after all and knows about healthy food.
The dogs were all over the place. There was the Bichon Frise who is like a cuddly teddy bear, Trump calls her Kayleigh. Then there was an Old English sheepdog who is so gentle that he wouldn’t hurt a fly. His name is Boris. Cuddly and shaggy.
There is a bulldog who is really very ugly and a bit grumpy. Growls a bit. His name is Mitch. There is also a Labrador and yes he is the most loyal and loving dog you could imagine. Yeah, you guessed it — his name’s Mike.
There is a boxer who Trump calls Tyson because you remember Tyson endorses him and he’s tough. You remember when Tyson said:-
‘Let’s try something new. Let’s run America like a business, where no colors matter. Whoever can do the job, gets the job… I like Trump.’
No, don’t laugh!
Anyway, this boxer is a bit wary of strangers so not sure how good he would be at a protest march full of terrorists and scum.
Then there’s a beagle who is really a bit overweight. His name is KimJong. Look, I made a video for you of all the dogs playing with the kids. Ivanka added in a few of her own from her smartphone when they go out shopping. We merged them and this is the final result. Cool! Everybody was so happy and relaxed. Even Emperor Trump smiled.”
“Hold on”, I said. “These are not vicious dogs. They are so cute and adorable!”
“Yeah, I know, Sam said,
Donald Trump is the only vicious one!
Enjoy Randy Rainbow’s brilliant parody on The Bunker Boy.
