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Abstract

d="c1dd"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*iSLAi8sCKga9wYy4ijPWSA.png"><figcaption>Screenshot from Sotheby’s <a href="https://www.sothebys.com/en/articles/8-of-our-most-expensive-sneakers-to-buy-now">article</a></figcaption></figure>Or maybe you would rather buy a car instead of walking?Now, to be fair, these are collectible shoes. So, these prices are admittedly a wee bit extreme.So, I looked up what a nice Air Jordan might be currently selling for these days.I found Men’s Jordan Air 1 High OG for $180 at Scheels.<figure id="faa5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*V726rOai_eCIlu2RDruh3g.png"><figcaption>Screenshot from <a href="https://www.scheels.com/p/mens-jordan-air-1-high-og--shoes/19696927056.html?cq_cmp=20565580005&cq_med=pla&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&cq_src=google_ads&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5sbx17a1hAMVXRmtBh16aAVtEAQYByABEgLaGfD_BwE&pgid=psearch">Scheels</a></figcaption></figure>True,$ 180 would still add up to a lot of Bingo cards at an Iowa church, but still fairly reasonable, so the MAGAite who is forking over $400 so all the world can see he is an idiot, a sucker, and has poor fashion sense is not getting a good deal, methinks.And just imagine if you are the teenage son of a MAGAite and get these Trump sneakers as your birthday present! OMG. I think the kid could probably call Child Protective Services and complain about child abuse as his ass will be grass when he wears those shoes at the basketball hoop in the park playground. He would be beaten to a pulp.Okay, serious now. I cleaned up the coffee, changed my shirt that I dribbled coffee on, and have stopped looking at that screenshot of those damn eyesore shoes, so it is time to get serious.First comment\dots didn’t Trump just whine and cry in court that it was a terrible thing how these cases were taking up his time and keeping him from being out campaigning for president? Yet he has time to show up at SNEAKER CON?! C’mon man. What’s next? Will Trump show up at a Comic-Con in a Fat Superman costume hawking his virtual trading cards, NFT whatever-the-bleep crapola?Second comment, this allegedly brilliant businessman is reduced to hawking ugly-ass shoes because he needs money. A lot of money. Like right now.Let me get the list out here, want to be accurate\dotsOkay, here is what he owes:\cdot$ 5,000,000 to E. Jean Carrol for defaming her.· $500,000 in interest payments on that judgment.\cdot$ 83,300,000 to E. Jean Carrol for continuing to defame her cuz he can’t keep his mouth shut.· $355,000,000 fine for fraudulent business practices in New York.\cdot$ 99,000,000 in interest payments related to that fraud case, which will increase each day.· $110,000 for <a href="https://apnews.com/artic

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le/new-york-donald-trump-subpoenas-48c78fba34e862e942d3148fd99ac367">refusing to comply</a> with a subpoena in the civil fraud case.· $15,000 for violation of gag order in the civil fraud case.\cdot$ 400,000 in legal fees to the New York Times after suing the paper unsuccessfully.· $938,000 judgment against him for filing a frivolous lawsuit against Hillary Clinton.My vision is blurring, so you all can look up the rest. Jan 6th cops have a civil suit pending against him which promises to be mega millions when he loses that, plus I haven’t even gotten to the lawyer fees for his ever-growing army of lawyers.Oh, and there is still an IRS audit ongoing regarding all his tax fraud, which experts think will likely result in penalties somewhere in the neighborhood of$ 100,000,000 give or take. But, hey, what’s a hundred million here or there, right?These sneakers though… dude! How humiliating. I mean look at his face in this screenshot; he knows it is humiliating.<figure id="3207"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*CFw09ZZKOofFtkfdhMqMBw.png"><figcaption>Screenshot from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIS3YxcYjoY">WKYC Channel 3 news</a></figcaption></figure>I wonder what is next for the demented old man?Maybe selling brown shirts emblazoned with a big red T topped by an eagle?Oh, wait, I know, how about selling posters for $100 bucks with a special offer of$ 500 poster autographed by Trump? Would need the right image for the poster though so it would sell well to his very most devoted subgroup of followers. I’ve got it! This:<figure id="501b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*JWlhC83ksyn26-A8"><figcaption>President Donald J. Trump with the President of the Russian Federation Vladimir Putin during the G20 Japan Summit Friday, June 28, 2019, <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:President_Trump_at_the_G20_(48144047611).jpg">public domain</a> as an official photo</figcaption></figure>He could sell it for 46,247,500,000 rubles, and I’m sure I know exactly who would happily pay to have an ex-president in debt to him. Yep. He will fork over some money to own Trump’s ass.Gosh, ya know what? I’m not laughing anymore. Trump now poses the greatest single security threat America has ever known because he is in big financial trouble and he is now not allowed to get a loan from big American banks, so he is a desperate man who has only two places to turn to for help with money (besides hawking cheesy sneakers) and that is either Saudi Arabia or Russia.And neither Mohammed bin Salman nor Putin the Butcher will help him without serious strings attached.We be screwed, boys and girls.Ah well. At least we know Jon Stewart on the Daily Show is going to have us laughing as we approach the End Times.</article></body>

News You Cannot Use

Trump Sells Trump Sneakers at Sneaker Con

No, this was not an AI-generated hoax… and the next Jon Stewart segment on the Daily Show writes itself…

Ah, this recalls great moments in history, doesn’t it? Remember when George Washington sold golden dentures with a little G and W carved into the two front teeth? And who could forget Thomas Jefferson’s sale of a spectacle case crafted to look like a gold-plated Bible and when you opened the lid, it read “Just Kidding”?

I’m sorry… I can’t stop giggling. Okay, okay, I’m going to pull it together and I will get serious here eventually… but…

These are sneakers that are too tacky even for Elton John! They are also being sold with a Trump perfume. That is just in case the people who see you wearing these sneakers don’t immediately vomit. Once they get a whiff of that fragrance ala Trump, they will certainly spew all over your shiny new shoes.

The price for these so-gay-they-are-too-gay-for-gays sneakers? A mere $399! The fragrance gets thrown in for a bargain $99!

Oh, but you are too late. They have already sold out! And you know a lot of them were bought by pig farmers in Iowa who now have to go explain to the little wifey why there is not enough money left in the bank account for her to go to church Bingo night to try and win a new ironing board. Better luck next time ma! Pa has got some great new shoes for the square dance! Yee-hah!

I’m still giggling. Damn, I just snorted my coffee!

Excuse me just one moment.

Okay, I’m back. Going to be serious now.

But oh wait… there is a thing called “Sneaker Con”?! For real?! I never knew! I’ve missed attending this fabulous event? Holy cow, can you just imagine the famous mega-rich movers and shakers strolling the floor of this convention? It must be a sight to behold. I mean this is high stakes!

For example, did you know that the “Nike Air Jordan 4 Travis Scott Purple Friends and Family” (that is the actual name) sells for $38,250 according to Sotheby’s?

Screen shot from Sotheby’s article on most expensive sneakers

If that is a little too steep for you, there is the much sought-after and slightly less expensive Wu-Tang Clan Nike Dunk High that costs a mere $36,000. Yellow ain’t my color though. I prefer purple.

Or maybe you would rather buy a car instead of walking?

Now, to be fair, these are collectible shoes. So, these prices are admittedly a wee bit extreme.

So, I looked up what a nice Air Jordan might be currently selling for these days.

I found Men’s Jordan Air 1 High OG for $180 at Scheels.

True, $180 would still add up to a lot of Bingo cards at an Iowa church, but still fairly reasonable, so the MAGAite who is forking over $400 so all the world can see he is an idiot, a sucker, and has poor fashion sense is not getting a good deal, methinks.

And just imagine if you are the teenage son of a MAGAite and get these Trump sneakers as your birthday present! OMG. I think the kid could probably call Child Protective Services and complain about child abuse as his ass will be grass when he wears those shoes at the basketball hoop in the park playground. He would be beaten to a pulp.

Okay, serious now. I cleaned up the coffee, changed my shirt that I dribbled coffee on, and have stopped looking at that screenshot of those damn eyesore shoes, so it is time to get serious.

First comment… didn’t Trump just whine and cry in court that it was a terrible thing how these cases were taking up his time and keeping him from being out campaigning for president? Yet he has time to show up at SNEAKER CON?! C’mon man. What’s next? Will Trump show up at a Comic-Con in a Fat Superman costume hawking his virtual trading cards, NFT whatever-the-bleep crapola?

Second comment, this allegedly brilliant businessman is reduced to hawking ugly-ass shoes because he needs money. A lot of money. Like right now.

Let me get the list out here, want to be accurate…

Okay, here is what he owes:

· $5,000,000 to E. Jean Carrol for defaming her.

· $500,000 in interest payments on that judgment.

· $83,300,000 to E. Jean Carrol for continuing to defame her cuz he can’t keep his mouth shut.

· $355,000,000 fine for fraudulent business practices in New York.

· $99,000,000 in interest payments related to that fraud case, which will increase each day.

· $110,000 for refusing to comply with a subpoena in the civil fraud case.

· $15,000 for violation of gag order in the civil fraud case.

· $400,000 in legal fees to the New York Times after suing the paper unsuccessfully.

· $938,000 judgment against him for filing a frivolous lawsuit against Hillary Clinton.

My vision is blurring, so you all can look up the rest. Jan 6th cops have a civil suit pending against him which promises to be mega millions when he loses that, plus I haven’t even gotten to the lawyer fees for his ever-growing army of lawyers.

Oh, and there is still an IRS audit ongoing regarding all his tax fraud, which experts think will likely result in penalties somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000,000 give or take. But, hey, what’s a hundred million here or there, right?

These sneakers though… dude! How humiliating. I mean look at his face in this screenshot; he knows it is humiliating.

I wonder what is next for the demented old man?

Maybe selling brown shirts emblazoned with a big red T topped by an eagle?

Oh, wait, I know, how about selling posters for $100 bucks with a special offer of $500 poster autographed by Trump? Would need the right image for the poster though so it would sell well to his very most devoted subgroup of followers. I’ve got it! This:

President Donald J. Trump with the President of the Russian Federation Vladimir Putin during the G20 Japan Summit Friday, June 28, 2019, public domain as an official photo

He could sell it for 46,247,500,000 rubles, and I’m sure I know exactly who would happily pay to have an ex-president in debt to him. Yep. He will fork over some money to own Trump’s ass.

Gosh, ya know what? I’m not laughing anymore. Trump now poses the greatest single security threat America has ever known because he is in big financial trouble and he is now not allowed to get a loan from big American banks, so he is a desperate man who has only two places to turn to for help with money (besides hawking cheesy sneakers) and that is either Saudi Arabia or Russia.

And neither Mohammed bin Salman nor Putin the Butcher will help him without serious strings attached.

We be screwed, boys and girls.

Ah well. At least we know Jon Stewart on the Daily Show is going to have us laughing as we approach the End Times.