Truth In Satire

BREAKING: Trump Pardons Hitler For Holocaust

“If you know your WWII history, as I do, Adolf totally denied it. You’ve got to believe him…I mean, he denied it”

President Donald Trump created a storm of controversy over the weekend when he appeared to give Adolf Hitler a pass for the mass murder of Jews and other persecuted groups by the Nazis during World War II.

Saying he “recently read up on it,” Mr. Trump referenced several dubious sources of WWII-era German propaganda, in which Third Reich leaders, and Hitler in particular, claimed there was no Holocaust.

“Every time anyone asked Hitler about the concentration camps he totally denied it,” said the president. “Not just once, but time after time. He said he never imprisoned or killed any Jews. I mean, how many times can you ask a guy? If Adolf says he didn’t do it, and he was really upset when people kept asking him, eventually you have to believe him.”

Mr. Trump’s specious reasoning for accepting Adolf Hitler’s repudiation of involvement in one of history’s most notorious and well-documented massacres echoed recent comments the president made clearing Vladimir Putin of any interference in the 2016 U.S. election. Mr. Trump has said repeatedly that Putin’s denial was good enough for him.

“I asked him to his face, I said ‘Vlad, come on, tell me the truth, did you do it, did you initiate a massive attack on our election process to influence the outcome?’ and he acted really insulted. He told me without a moment’s hesitation, ‘Don, absolutely not!’ He’s a good man, very misunderstood, and his word is good enough for me.”

Many are saying that Mr. Trump is being naive if he takes ruthless despots like Adolf Hitler or Vladimir Putin at their word. In response to this criticism, the president responded, “Look, with Hitler and the concentration camps, no one really knows for sure. There was no hard evidence, and certainly everyone agrees that the number of people killed, some say six million, is totally made up. And as far as Putin and the election goes, you can ask anyone in our intelligence services — they all agree, bunch of baloney, total witch hunt. Which is why I say, let’s just stop living in the past and move forward.”

Dozens of Jewish organizations, several thousand Holocaust survivors, prominent experts in WWII history, even Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany have been in touch with the president to inform him that his absolution of Hitler is based on inaccurate information and is extremely dangerous.

There was no response from President Trump vacationing in Mar-a-Lago for the holiday weekend, but the White House issued this short statement:

“The president’s reading of history is based on new research coming out of Breitbart News and Fox & Friends that casts doubt on the degree to which Adolf Hitler played a role in the slaughter of Jews or even setting Nazi policy. Everyone said that he spent most of the war making art and playing with children, and President Trump believes he can trust a man like that.”

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–AI