Trump, Jinping, Jong Un, Putin — Why Their Tiny Hands and Feet Are Bad for The World
You know what they say about men with tiny hands
You know what they say about men with tiny hands …
If you’ve got tiny hands, you’ve got tiny feet.
And this why some of the world’s worst despots and other turds-in-the-punchbowl-of-humanity are so nasty to the rest of us.
Hear me out.
Agent Orange’s slapped-away tiny hands are already the stuff of legend and need no further documentation.
But did you know that Kim Jong Un-balanced also has mini mitts?
This is Grand Master Un-balanced as a young man, before all the dumplings and the horrible haircut, contemplating the cruel twist of fate that left him with baby digits.
Then there’s Xi, or “Eleven” as he’s called in Roman Numerals.
Here’s Eleven as a kid. Notice how his filigree fingers barely allow him to cling on as he peers over an Ikea shelving unit.
In case you doubt my veracity, I checked the Ikea website. Eleven is peering over a piece of furniture called “FJÄLLBO” which means “minuscule” in both Swedish and Mandarin. Who knew?!
Pootin’ is the closest to normally proportioned.
But just look at the hooks on this dude. No wonder he’s always pissed. Imagine tryna beat off with those claws!
But Burg, what does this all mean; and where TF are you going with this?
It’s not like you’re making a compelling case for some kind of latter-day Napoleon complex where those with tiny hands, short statures, and wee willies want to conquer the world.
No, like I noted above, it’s small hands, and the related small feet, most importantly, that’s causing all the mischief.
Because of their physical failings, the four merchants of mayhem are roaming about on their tiny feet like geisha girls on unicycles after one too many Singapore Slings.
We all know how bad that feels, that horrible feeling of disequilibrium or of feeling unbalanced and off kilter.
If it happens to us, we just want it to end. Even when the well-intended extend a helping hand we often lash out, saying things like “just leave me alone” or “can’t you see I’ve got my eyes closed and I’m trying to rest?”
Well the foul four take it to the next level. They lash out on a grand scale, leaving havoc in their wake.
In an attempt to make up for their flaws, some get to snatching things that aren’t theirs to snatch (like Ukraine and more), some enlarge their missile arsenals (overcompensate much Mr. Un-balanced?) or do even wackier things, like launch party balloons over other countries.
But none of this scratches the itch they can’t reach.
And it doesn’t help that they have wee willies and have to shop for gloves and shoes at Gap Kids!
