Trump and Biden Agree to New, Unusual Debate Format

Following last night’s debate debacle

Following last night’s debate debacle, both presidential candidates have decided on an unorthodox format for their next debate. They have agreed not to speak.

“How will this work?” A CNN reporter asked Trump when told of this new, radical approach.

“It’s going to be a good, old-fashioned boxing match,” Trump explained. “Look how big my hands look in these gloves.”

When asked the same question, Biden said, “I don’t like to talk anyway. This gives me the advantage. I’ll take Trump out to the woodshed and beat him up.”

Both candidates agreed to have their mouths taped to avoid the temptation to speak. “I’ll go along with the tape as long as I have these boxing gloves on, but I’m not wearing a mask. That’s stupid,” Trump told an OAN reporter. “Masks are for wimps.”

Biden, on the other hand, has agreed to wear a mask and mouth tape not just for the wrestling match, but for the duration of the campaign. “I’ll go the extra mile to keep us safe,” Biden explained. “Nancy Pelosi suggested it, and she has my best interests at heart.”

Due to the unusual nature of the debate, there will be a ringmaster instead of a moderator. People will be allowed to attend as long as they sign a waiver stating that Covid-19 is a hoax perpetrated by aliens from outer space who want to colonize our planet. This releases anyone on earth from liability in case of an outbreak, according to Biden’s 600 lawyers.

Attendees will be allowed to place bets, just like in a regular boxing match, and there are rumors they will be playing the election debate drinking game. People are already lining up to buy tickets, but reports of ticket harvesting have led the Justice Department to threaten an investigation to ensure that no aliens from outer space who want to colonize our planet are allowed to disrupt the event.

Since the debate format is so unorthodox, both candidates will prep in unusual ways. Biden has said he will do 100 pushups a day, and a Trump-shaped punching bag has been installed in his basement. Trump was quoted as saying, “I don’t need to prep. It’s stupid. I always come out swinging.”

A press conference to explain the new debate rules elicited a lot of questions from reporters.

Will they get a water break between rounds? Will they be able to strike below the belt? What if there isn’t a knockout punch?

One reporter said, “What about the issues? This is all ridiculous!” Trump shot back, “You are what I mean by fake news,” and Biden held up a sign saying, “My mouth has already been taped shut because I like to prepare early.”