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vasalia</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a>, edited by author</figcaption></figure><h2 id="2487">Quiz: Do Your Targeted Facebook Ads Actually Know You Have No Butt Or Are They Just Guessing?</h2><figure id="6bad"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*_GBPsp23cvl3cK5iMtLOdA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@pkmfaris?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Faris Mohammed</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a>, edited by author</figcaption></figure><h2 id="c087">“They Never Even Gave Us A Chance To Audition”: Guamanian House Gecko Decries Netflix’s Operation Christmas Drop’s Decision To Utilize CGI Gecko In Film</h2><figure id="0f99"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*uTeC0VugNwy7aIK7"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@majapetric?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Maja Petric</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="d0fa">“May Your Breasts Be Like Clusters Of Grapes!”: Slide Into Her DM’s With These Lesser Known Bible Verses From Song Of Solomon</h2><figure id="c607"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*ikRb7T9gryOLh_Kq"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@mlightbody?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Malcolm Lightbody</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="d329">Weird: ‘Forged In Fire’ Never Explains Why There Is An Astronomical Number Of Guys With Home Forges</h2><figure id="759d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*Qpb1nycJJy5jheRkr1gi8g.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@zoeholling?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Zoe Holling</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/@zoeholling?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>, edited by author</figcaption></figure><h2 id="012c">Practical Coping Strategies On How To Deal With The Fact That You’re Not A Hot Orphaned Chess Prodigy</h2><figure id="884f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*nDeSloVjYmuh_o9PhFbeCA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@loveleighmiles?utm_source=medium&a

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mp;utm_medium=referral">Dev Leigh</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a>, edited by author</figcaption></figure><h2 id="383d">Yum! A Bunch Of Rainforest Frogs That Could Probably Try Harder To Not Look So Much Like Gummies</h2><figure id="67d2"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*8ZarPCewcDk3PvYg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@maksymvlasenko?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Максим Власенко</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="b6fd">Quiz: Can You Survive Being Left Behind And Befriend The AntiChrist, Even Though All He Listens To Is Imagine Dragons?</h2><figure id="4e51"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*8VtLNL5DmexVvmbt"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@charlesdeluvio?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Charles Deluvio</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="6bc9">Aesthetic Standards: I Actively Humiliate My Millennial Co-Workers If They Don’t Have A Minimum Of Three Visible Houseplants In Their Zoom Background</h2><h2 id="9e77">Absolutely Made-up Celeb Quotes</h2><figure id="bfb9"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*wpucNSIIIX185z33kmOEHg.jpeg"><figcaption>By author</figcaption></figure><p id="3167">“I said, make sure they know I can pole dance, because I can.” — J. Lo, on her every performance</p><figure id="a6b1"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*CA9ve--71Di5AJV6bZh7yg.jpeg"><figcaption>By author</figcaption></figure><p id="6533">“Timmy Chalamander.” — Timothée Chalamet, on what he’d name his pet salamander if he had one</p><figure id="d3c4"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*6LApfF9cQs7GiZo2B--iuw.jpeg"><figcaption>By author</figcaption></figure><p id="81f7">“Everyone knows angels don’t fuck with Australia or Asia — sometimes they’re in Antarctica, but there’s not much fun stuff for them to do there, except play with snow.” — Paula White, on why angels were only coming from South America and Africa</p><p id="63a4">When asked what she’ll do if sharing the packet doesn’t result in her “feeling something,” Jei responded, “I dunno, I’ll probably just look at frogs on Instagram for a few hours.”</p></article></body>

SATIRE | REJECTION

Truly Brave: This Woman Is Sharing Her Rejected ClickHole Packet Just To Feel Something

Kind of sad, actually

First-time applicant Rulis Jei from Yigo, Guam received a rejection letter from ClickHole earlier this month. The letter from the satirical website informed Jei that her samples were “kind of okay,” but ultimately, did not “pass the vibe check.”

Jei has since re-read the letter 136 times. “I haven’t felt deep connection with anyone in the past year, but this letter makes me feel something,” she said via Zoom.

“Maybe if I share my packet, I can keep this feeling going,” Jei added. The packet consists of absurd headlines and made-up celeb quotes.

ClickHole made the right decision, but for the sake of Jei’s emotional fragility, here are her samples, anyway!

Headlines:

Photo by Nima Sarram on Unsplash, edited by author

Scrum-diddly-umptious! Scientists Reveal That Monoliths In Utah, Romania And California Are Actually Just Tall Ass Cakes

Internet Etiquette: Is It A Passive-Aggressive Dick Move To Not Heart Every Single Message On Instagram Messenger?

Photo by George Gvasalia on Unsplash, edited by author

Quiz: Do Your Targeted Facebook Ads Actually Know You Have No Butt Or Are They Just Guessing?

Photo by Faris Mohammed on Unsplash, edited by author

“They Never Even Gave Us A Chance To Audition”: Guamanian House Gecko Decries Netflix’s Operation Christmas Drop’s Decision To Utilize CGI Gecko In Film

“May Your Breasts Be Like Clusters Of Grapes!”: Slide Into Her DM’s With These Lesser Known Bible Verses From Song Of Solomon

Weird: ‘Forged In Fire’ Never Explains Why There Is An Astronomical Number Of Guys With Home Forges

Photo by Zoe Holling on Unsplash, edited by author

Practical Coping Strategies On How To Deal With The Fact That You’re Not A Hot Orphaned Chess Prodigy

Photo by Dev Leigh on Unsplash, edited by author

Yum! A Bunch Of Rainforest Frogs That Could Probably Try Harder To Not Look So Much Like Gummies

Quiz: Can You Survive Being Left Behind And Befriend The AntiChrist, Even Though All He Listens To Is Imagine Dragons?

Aesthetic Standards: I Actively Humiliate My Millennial Co-Workers If They Don’t Have A Minimum Of Three Visible Houseplants In Their Zoom Background

Absolutely Made-up Celeb Quotes

“I said, make sure they know I can pole dance, because I can.” — J. Lo, on her every performance

“Timmy Chalamander.” — Timothée Chalamet, on what he’d name his pet salamander if he had one

“Everyone knows angels don’t fuck with Australia or Asia — sometimes they’re in Antarctica, but there’s not much fun stuff for them to do there, except play with snow.” — Paula White, on why angels were only coming from South America and Africa

When asked what she’ll do if sharing the packet doesn’t result in her “feeling something,” Jei responded, “I dunno, I’ll probably just look at frogs on Instagram for a few hours.”