True North

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Abstract

e invention of myself had felt, surprisingly, warm. The lining between who they were and who was actually underneath was thin but sticky. The heat of our bodies forever sewn together, doomed to keep feeding the facsimile of a life. I’ve let that go now, my identity separated from the one I had conjured. The divorce was a swift, but painful one. I hated the heat now. My skin crawled whenever sweat would find me. My body betrays what my mind wants. I could change this, as I have had to change everything, and so I went North.There the sun shone through naked trees, the snow crunched under the heel of my boots, and the brilliance of the midnight sky danced all around me. The cold never nipped at my face. It was a welcomed sensation, one that tickled my spine and made me sip upright at myself again. Withered, that is the one word that came to mind; I had allowed myself to wither for so long. Now that I was here, nestled in the maternal basket of my land of promise, I was beginning to blossom once more.This is where I belong. Why had I run from it for so many years? Sometimes in the quiet of the night, my mind would wander a

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nd trip over all the thoughts I had been closeting away. Where would I go? Who would I be? These questions would come bursting through the door of my subconscious and plant themselves firmly within the conscious, however fleeting. I tried to wave them away, turn to the other side of my bed and leave them to fall away into the depths of the mattress, back to the world of the forgotten, but it hardly ever worked. I would entrap myself within the ice and build a home where the only warmth I’d have to endure would be the one I’d make in the fireplace. A stark declaration that it was I who came, saw, and conquered.No, this place is not new to me. I have been here many times in my dreams. However, now my footprints are made real, and whatever this life brings me, I know it will be one I have forged for myself.I’m excited to participate in my first Freewriting Friday. I took inspiration from the first prompt that was offered <a href="https://readmedium.com/freewriting-friday-forget-build-a-bear-lets-build-a-new-you-c74a503e5e4e">here</a>. Thanks for the spark <a href="undefined">Ellie Jacobson</a>!</article></body>

A response to Freewriting Friday

I will not become new.

There is no new, just the me that has never been. All my masks have fallen, left on the crumpled pile of my ego. I had believed, for so long, that is who I am, but I was the biggest fool of all. The lies were more human than I was after a certain point and took on a life of their own. No one had loved me; they had loved the lies. Now that is all gone, the only thing left is me. Who the hell even is that, anyway? The midnight sun, that is the only facet of me that had remained all these years, and so that’s where I’m headed.

Swimming in the congealed soup of the invention of myself had felt, surprisingly, warm. The lining between who they were and who was actually underneath was thin but sticky. The heat of our bodies forever sewn together, doomed to keep feeding the facsimile of a life. I’ve let that go now, my identity separated from the one I had conjured. The divorce was a swift, but painful one. I hated the heat now. My skin crawled whenever sweat would find me. My body betrays what my mind wants. I could change this, as I have had to change everything, and so I went North.

There the sun shone through naked trees, the snow crunched under the heel of my boots, and the brilliance of the midnight sky danced all around me. The cold never nipped at my face. It was a welcomed sensation, one that tickled my spine and made me sip upright at myself again. Withered, that is the one word that came to mind; I had allowed myself to wither for so long. Now that I was here, nestled in the maternal basket of my land of promise, I was beginning to blossom once more.

This is where I belong. Why had I run from it for so many years? Sometimes in the quiet of the night, my mind would wander and trip over all the thoughts I had been closeting away. Where would I go? Who would I be? These questions would come bursting through the door of my subconscious and plant themselves firmly within the conscious, however fleeting. I tried to wave them away, turn to the other side of my bed and leave them to fall away into the depths of the mattress, back to the world of the forgotten, but it hardly ever worked. I would entrap myself within the ice and build a home where the only warmth I’d have to endure would be the one I’d make in the fireplace. A stark declaration that it was I who came, saw, and conquered.

No, this place is not new to me. I have been here many times in my dreams. However, now my footprints are made real, and whatever this life brings me, I know it will be one I have forged for myself.

I’m excited to participate in my first Freewriting Friday. I took inspiration from the first prompt that was offered here. Thanks for the spark Ellie Jacobson!