Tribute on Mother’s Day
Mothers
Mothers give and sustain life, they are the origin, the womb of creation, and for many people a source of unconditional love. A woman has eggs from her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother creating a generational bond. Mothers are to be honored, and all women who create (babies or projects) are mothers. This Mother’s Day is perfect to pay homage to all mothers.
Traits of my mother
Someone (a frenemy) recently shared that she felt sad when my mom passed away and was crying. It seems people remember my mother being bubbly. She was also good with people including connecting with all relatives even if others couldn’t connect with them and not letting herself get played. I finally politely confronted this frenemy and said that “I don’t like when you said ‘you must be lucky….”; I would say it sort of worked; next time we spoke, she said, “some people may choose not to be mothers!”
Kali Ma: The fearsome divine mother goddess
When I was in school, she protected me when another peer wanted me to do the whole science project. My mom told that girl’s mom off. I would imagine when she knew how other’s mistreated me.
Examples of other’s mistreatment:
Abandoning when I am at a low point in life, even though I got to a low point through their actions.
Alluding that I am an orphan, don’t have a mom, so know nothing.
Calling me not that pretty (ugly) and can’t have a preference in whom I find attractive-should accept a proposal right away as I don’t have the right to choose, as I am not pretty, and don’t have a mother so they (person setting up the proposal) can decide what I can do. Telling me to become a citizen so that I can sponsor the guy I was introduced to. Having to dress as a clown (i.e., told to wear gaudy clothes and hair-do).
Told that buying books in an airport or not finishing an ice cream is a waste of money
Not being invited to be a bridesmaid or getting a wedding favor that everyone else got
Telling kids to call me Didi (older sister) instead of the correct word of respect (Aunt)
Told that “My mom and sister told me not to talk to you!” implying that I don’t have a mom and that I am trash.
For the people who mistreated me and abused me, she would be like Kali Ma (a Hindu goddess who is the protective and fierce aspect of a mother). It would be hysterical to see my mom, who is a woman that is 4–10 tall, punch someone (in the balls) who is 6–3. I read and have seen mothers have supernatural powers to protect their cubs.
Trying to make my mama proud
I tried to be a good girl when I was a child to make my momma proud, and I still try to be a good girl. My mom had me be a good girl (i.e., don’t dance on stage shows when I was a teenager, don’t talk to boys, etc.) so that I could have a good life and it feels unjust that despite me adhering to that, I still didn’t earn my prize. In terms of education, it worked, but not in my personal life. My mother was revolutionary for her time and said I could be anything from a hairstylist to an astronaut-I ended up becoming a medium content writer (which pays me literally pennies at most). Also, I tried to make my mother proud (I read another medium article that the purpose of life is to make your parent’s proud). I am not sure how she feels; I tried to connect with relatives as I felt it would make my deceased mom happy and proud as I wanted to be a good girl to my mom.
However, I didn’t seem to get a warm response from my mom’s side; in fact, I got a lot of backhanded sneering. (On a sidebar note, I listened to a radio show advisor advising a woman not to confront her friends who didn’t invite her to hang out; and I too agree that was good advice, not to confront them, but unfortunately, these are examples of how resentments build-up and one has frenemies as you are nice at events and appear mature but you know the truth of how other’s feel about you). Not sure how my mom would feel, disappointed by me I didn’t make her proud (i.e., lack of a personal life or not having relatives praise and appreciate me) even though she knows I tried my best or disappointed with them.
Moms wanting their cubs to feel joy
My mom wrote me an autograph when I was young (before the smartphone eras) where people had physical journals, not Medium articles. It said,
To Darling Manisha Mine
Those who Really Love You
Love to See You Smile!
Love to See you Cheerful!
And Happy All the While!
I wonder what she feels I can’t seem to find that pure joy anymore. To feel as if the rug was pulled out from under me. Sometimes, I feel like the Match Girl who longs to go home to her mother and grandmother.
Karma
When I feel this pain and injustice (others hurting me as listed above and abandoning me), I try to remember a story that my mom would share about two people: good and evil. They both fell, the good person got a scrape on their knee, and the evil person got a pot of gold. The good person got upset at god and god explained in your past life you were bad, so you were supposed to be more injured, and the evil person was good, so he was supposed to get a palace of gold. But because of your current karmas’ both your consequences/rewards were adjusted.
Moms’ knows their cubs tastes
I watched this show on Netflix, and the bride-to-be said that I trust my mom’s taste. I agree; my mom and even my dad know my taste. If they can know it by buying me clothes that I like and even knowing which people I would like (unlike the proposal’s comments). For example, when I was a teenager, I watched a dance performance during Diwali (Indian New Year). Those teenagers wore a t-shirt (not a shirt) inside their blazers, and my mom commented on it. I told her it looked cool. My mom then realized I had a crush on one of the guys dancing, and she embarrassed me when we went out for lunch with some family friends and joked that I had a crush. However, that shows she knows my taste.
Privilege
I heard of an acquaintance who found a boy cute and told her mom, and her mom spoke with the boy’s mom, and they got married. I heard of another acquaintance whose mother was annoying at attending weddings and trying to secure matches for her daughter and embarrassed her daughter, but her daughter ended up marrying a cute guy that her mom found. When I was a teenager, I watched a spiritual lecture with my mom, and sitting next to us was an old family friend that we lost touch with; I didn’t talk to that girl.
My mom started a conversation so that the two of us could talk, and we, later on, became bffs. If my mom could find me a BFF, she could have also found me a cute person like the other two girls. Also, she could have been there to comfort me (and protect me) when I was hurting, just like the movie mom in Kuch Kuch Hota Hain (a heartbroken girl’s mother was caring, protective, and found her another suitor with the same qualities, looks, and professions as her crush). It’s a privilege to have a mom who is caring enough (and alive) to do this for her daughter.
Mom’s were women with dreams before
I was told that when my mom was a young woman before she got engaged to my dad; she had many suitors. I have seen my parents' wedding and engagement pictures and they were a cute and good-looking couple; my dad said life with my mom was the best years of his life. She and her cousins would sit on the balcony when she was a maiden and gossip about the boys they saw outside. It would be great for others to recognize that I too am a woman with dreams and with expectations of who I like and find attractive.
Tribute
This mother’s day, I want to honor all the mothers that are gone, but also all the girls who try their best, even if they don’t quite succeed to make their mothers proud. And for the women who have an instinct to create, even though what they create is not another human, but other creations (such as writing a medium article).