FICTION | DISCUSSION | WRITING CHALLENGE

Trapped in a Cycle of Hatred and Betrayal

Content Warning: Violence

They say that things get better the more you try. I did try my best. In fact, I’d lost count of the number of times I was seated here in front of June in my kitchen when she told me that she was pregnant with my ex-boyfriend’s child, and that they would be leaving the country tonight. So I did what any other person would have done in my situation.

I stabbed her in the chest with my steak knife.

The sheer force of my anger caused the knife to lodge in her chest cavity, and I watched in manic delight as her white blouse turned crimson with blood. I couldn’t help but stared at her porcelain-white skin, and soon it became clear to me why James chose her over me. Even as her facial features contorted with pain and horror, she still looked more beautiful than I ever did, or ever will be.

As she gasped for breath, dying in front of me, I looked at her calmly. I kept my composure despite knowing exactly what would happen to me in a few minutes. I had been through this many times so I knew that any moment now, someone would shoot me, but I could never see the attacker each time. I had tried staying in the house, hiding in my room, and even escaping through the back door, but he always managed to kill me. It didn’t matter what I did. It was always the same outcome each time I tried to kill June. And afterwards, I would be back sitting across from her in the kitchen.

Could it be James? Does he want to be with her so badly that he would actually kill me?

My head hurt, and I decided to call it a day. I walked out of my house through the main door.

A sudden, sharp pain shot through me as I felt the bullet entering the side of my head. The next thing I knew, I was back in my kitchen, sitting in front of June.

“I’m so sorry, Daphne, but we are in love,” she repeated.

This is getting old. How do I escape from this time loop? Why am I stuck in it? Am I dead? Is this a coma dream?

I tightened the grip on the steak knife in my hand. I set it down this time. I stayed silent the entire time as June ate slowly, while I fiddled with the salad on my plate. How could she eat so calmly when she had just confessed to betraying me?

How dare she betray me? We have been friends since we were kids. She knows how much I love James.

My blood began to boil again, but I quickly pushed my emotions aside to hatch a plan.

What if the shooter was not specifically targeting me? After all, I had no enemies. What if it was a psychotic killer, and I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? What if I didn’t kill June — could she take my place? I’d tried killing her so many times, and each and every time, I was dead a few minutes after she died. Or did she even die? Perhaps she survived each of my attempt to end her life? Maybe it wasn’t her destiny to die at my hands? Maybe she has a greater purpose in my life? Maybe she is the reason I would escape this time loop and live? The wheels in my head started spinning furiously.

Maybe I could let her leave the house first so that she’d take the shot instead of me?

And that was exactly what I did. But, to my surprise, she wasn’t shot by anyone. Instead, I watched her made her way to a waiting cab, set to start a new and happy life with James. My James. So, of course, I couldn’t let that happen.

“June!”

She turned back to look at me. I ran over to her and hugged her, before pushing her towards oncoming traffic. While holding my breath anxiously, I watched as she got hit by a car. There was a lot of screaming, and I saw someone pointing their finger at me.

And that was when I saw him, my murderer, looking at me from behind a bus stand. He stared at me with James’s eyes, aimed his gun at me, and just before he pulled the trigger, I yelled, “Who are you?!”

Once again, I found myself sitting in front of June. As she started telling me about her pregnancy, I interrupted her with a question that I already knew the answer to, “Are you expecting a boy or a girl?”

She seemed surprised by my interest, and replied that it would be a boy. “Have you thought of a name for him?” I asked, impatiently.

“Yes,” she said, “We’re going to call him Joshua….” Before she finished her sentence, I stabbed her with my knife.

A few minutes later, just as expected, the door burst open again. “Are you Joshua?” I demanded.

He hesitated. His mouth moved to speak, but then his eyes quickly narrowed, and he promptly shot me in the forehead.

I found myself back in the kitchen across from June. I was really tired of this as I realised that I was trapped in a time loop, with her son traveling back in time to kill me each time I tried to hurt her. She must have survived each time I tried to end her life. Or at least long enough for her to deliver her baby. I sighed deeply as she started apologising to me again.

“Just get the hell away from me,” I snapped, while pointing at the door.

Discussion

Sometimes in life, we feel as if we are caught in a never-ending cycle of jealousy and hatred. Our ex-partner might have found love with one of our friends, which is of course, a hurtful action on their part. However, we cannot control the actions of others; we can only control how we react to them.

There will be moments when we feel that the only justice is if something bad happens to them, or when we attempt to seek revenge. Bear in mind that it rarely ends well. You end up holding onto all the hate inside you, and no matter how hard you try to bring them down, you bring yourself down even more. It is like being trapped in a metaphorical time loop. The only way to break free is to realise that you are stuck in one, and stop engaging in the actions that keep you there.

Release your anger, your hatred and your desire for revenge. Only then can you start moving forward in life instead of being perpetually trapped in the time loop created by your own hatred.

Feel free to share in the comments if this resonates with you. Have you ever felt stuck in a metaphorical time loop?

I would like to thank John Hansen and Randy Pulley for introducing me to The Challenged, where daily writing prompts are posted! This is such a fantastic idea if you ever face writer’s block. I picked the prompt by chel writes : You’re trapped in a never-ending time loop, reliving a particular day repeatedly …

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