Transgender Women and the Patriarchy

I have had waited a lifetime to shake off my male “uniform”

I was born biologically male.

From my earliest recollections, I felt an internal female sense of self but that was buried under strict male socialization and programing plus heavy doses of natural testosterone. I was forced to add my own deep wall of denial in order to survive a lifelong repression of my gender.

I suffer from gender dysphoria, a medical symptom caused by a gender incongruence, the conflict between my physical sex and my mental gender. I have been clinically diagnosed with this condition by multiple doctors: medical, psychological and psychiatric. I am satisfied that they are reliable professional authorities. My own desperate and exhaustive independent research agrees with their diagnosis.

The accepted name for someone who is gender incongruent is that they are transgender. Further, to differentiate my condition from those who are cisgender female, someone whose sex and gender match, I can be defined as transfemale or simply as a transgender woman.

I will not waste time on defining what is a “woman”. I have yet to find an adequate definition. I am simply satisfied that I am a female gender subset, a transgender woman.

Let’s assume that I am not subjecting myself to years of painful psychological analysis, public and family rejection, significant hormonal chemistry changes, painful facial electrolysis, major facial surgery, gender reassignment surgery and social gender retraining, just so I can abuse a woman in the bathroom.

I even don’t care where I go, just as long as I can use a bathroom safely.

I am sharing all this to be able to say that I am also a victim of a patriarchal society.

The sociologist Sylvia Walby defines patriarchy as: “a system of social structures and practices in which men dominate, oppress, and exploit women”.

Social stratification along gender lines, in which power is predominantly held by men, has been observed in most societies around the world.

Yes, I have had the benefit of my male privilege but it came with a cost. I have been forced to suppress who I am in order to survive in a world that rejects what I am. I am willing to discard my male membership to finally be free to be me but it comes at a deep cost. I must be willing to put my entire life and relationships at risk and I must be willing to accept all the drawbacks that women suffer in a patriarchal society plus the hatred of TERFs, TROLLS and a host of other haters who have no idea who I am and really don’t care.

Their hate is enough justification for them.

Rejection of transgender women is globally universal. We are hated by religions, we are hated by governments, we are hated by society, we are hated by both sexes and some our family and friends. We are even hated by some members of the gay and lesbian community. The media then just fans the hatred to increase their profits.

Clearly there are exceptions in each group and I will even argue the majority in each group are at least tolerant but at the end of the day, those that hate are the more active even though they are the minority. They become excessively more vocally abusive and physically violent as they get more attention.

And we become the victims.

Simply look at the murder percentages of transwomen and particularly transwomen of color. They speak for themselves. Just try to use a woman bathroom in many of our states. We can’t even decide if transgender women are “woman” enough to compete in female sports.

I also hate the criticism by some women that my gender expression is too “feminine”. Of course, I want to present as a woman, it’s what I am and I am massively challenged to try and transform my testosterone-soaked, post-pubescent male body into any acceptable semblance of a woman.

Why should I conform to your sense of female gender expression? I have waited a lifetime to shake off the male “uniform” that society forced me to wear and now I should put on yours? Additionally, I need more work to socially pass if I have any hope of surviving the real world. I don’t want to be publicly ridiculed and insulted. I don’t want to be beaten up, raped or murdered. I just want to live my life.

So, to all those that don’t accept that I am a “true” woman, that’s fine, you have your right to your opinion, just don’t ever tell me transgender women are not victims of a patriarchal society.

The tragedy of transgender discrimination, violence, murders and suicide statistics globally don’t support your claim.

…and I don’t intend to finally drop my male uniform for a female one and march in line to make others happy. I did that for too many years and I waited too long to just be me.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: I wrote this a while ago and did a rewrite because we still have a way to go.

Thank you for reading my work.

Please also read:

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.