BREAKING NEWS

Transcripts of Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels’ Sex Acts Among Papers Sent to January 6 Committee

And they are hot

January 2, 2022

WASHINGTON — In a shocking revelation, the January 6 Committee investigating the insurrection has come across several documents detailing the sexual exploits of the former President.

“They were stuck to some papers and had ketchup smears and grease stains. We can only conclude the former President enjoyed reading them and hid them with papers he didn’t find important,” a Committee member told this reporter. She preferred to remain anonymous.

“It indicates that there might be a sex tape or an audiotape of the encounter. But I can confirm some of the details. They are not pretty,” our source continued.

This reporter has been unable to obtain the actual document, but is in negotiation now with the Committee to have access under the Freedom of Information Act.

Our source, however, was willing to recount some of the highlights. These are not direct quotes, but third-hand reporting, and the quotes are from our source. Warning, some readers might find the following disturbing.

Like that, Donald. More, more, more. “Stormy”

This passage was circled in black sharpie. The sentence to follow was partially blacked out — also with sharpie — but our source could see it said something about money. The transaction was unclear but the ‘more’ was clear. More money, not more Donald.

Oh, you salty bitch. Come to daddy. “Donald”

In the previous paragraph, a delivery person came to the door and said,

Burger and Fries for someone named Daddy?

Then Donald told the delivery man to keep the change. To which the staffer said he hadn’t been paid yet. The transcript indicated a door slam with no further interaction.

No. “Stormy”

This may have been the damning evidence that cost Donald Trump $130,000 and Mr. Cohen his freedom. A simple response to the question posed by Mr. Trump.

Will you tell me I’m huge? Tell me I’m making sex great again. “Donald”

We will keep you updated as more damning information comes to light. For now, know that we are on the case and we won’t stop fighting until we get our hands on the tape, transcript, or both.

Believe me. We’re going to make this priority one. We are grabbing this story by the pussy and the results will be amazing. We have a great guy, great American, on the job. Nobody from Jhina, or a Hillary supporter. There are wonderful people on both sides of this story and we aim to get to the truth or the news, whichever cums first.

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