Tragic Diary Entries from a 4-Year-Old in Timeout
10:01 AM
Dear Diary, I’ve been handed down a sentence of four minutes. How long is that? Probably not as long as it took Mommy to get the rocks out of the toilet. I’ve never seen her face turn that shade of red before.
10:01 AM and 33 seconds
Dear Diary, Mommy says I’ve been sitting here for less than a minute. Lies!!! The gaping span of eternity widens before me as I wait for release from this oppressive torment!
10:02 AM and 7 seconds
Dear Diary, I just saw a dinosaur run past the window with sixteen puppies on its back! I told Mommy and she didn’t even turn around. I fear she has lost all care for my health and wellbeing.
10:02 AM and 46 seconds
Dear Diary, I cannot endure much longer without some form of sustenance. I smell cookies baking next door. Cookies! I must go for now…I cannot stem the tears.
10:03 AM and 12 seconds
Dear Diary, Mommy asked if I’m thinking about what I did. Why would I do that? I’d rather think of the dream I had last night about riding a brontosaurus to Grandma’s house. Grandma doesn’t put me in time out. Maybe it would help if I told Mommy that.
10:03 AM and 39 seconds
Dear Diary, Mommy says she doesn’t care what happens at Grandma’s house so I’m going to eat 57 corndogs next time I visit!!! If I ever see Grandma’s sweet, non-punitive face again, that is…
10:04 AM and 17 seconds
Dear Diary, Mommy says the end is near. That sounds ominous. Is the rapture upon us?
10:04 AM and 51 seconds
Dear Diary, Mommy says if I ask one more time when time out is over, she’s going to ship me to Siberia. I don’t know what Siberia is but it can’t be worse than this obvious and unspeakable violation of my human rights!
10:05 AM
Dear Diary, Freedom!!!!!!!!! Mommy says no more rocks in the house. EVER. I wonder what would happen if I flushed some dog food down the toilet…
