Tough Is a State of Mind

To succeed you need to be tough in mind, spirit and body. This is how I learned.

His right hand snaked out and smacked my left cheek. “Don’t ever say that again,” I heard him bellow above the ringing in my ears.

All I’d said was, “I can’t”.

At the time I was 12 years old and I was being bullied at school because I came from another country and I was backward. My mum had suggested that I ask my uncle John, who had been an officer in the army, to show me how to stick up for myself.

Uncle John threw himself with full military gusto into the task of converting his wimp nephew into a self-sufficient young gentleman. I was inducted into a mental and physical military-style toughening-up training programme.

That morning I had been ordered to lift my chin ten times to the branch of an old apple tree four feet above my head. On the ninth lift, my aching arms failed to pull my body upwards.

As I hung limply in mid-air he bellowed, “Heave, lad.” I tried, but nothing happened. It was then that I uttered the fateful words, “I can’t.” It was as if a blood vessel had burst in my uncle’s head. His face turned puce with rage. “Get down,” he ordered. And then, as I stood shaking in trepidation, he slapped me.

As I struggled to keep back the tears welling behind my eyes I could see that he was fighting to contain his anger. Eventually, with fists clenched by his sides, he managed to force out the words. “You can fail lad, and that’s OK because you can learn from failure — but you must never fail to try.”

He took another deep breath to calm himself before explaining, “Your enemies, your challenges, your trials will come in all shapes and sizes. Your job is to face them all with determination and to find a way to come out on top. To win at anything you have to be stronger than your opponent in your mind, your spirit and in your body. That means that you must never give up, never stop looking for some way to win.” He paused for effect before demanding, “Do you understand?”

I nodded dumbly to show I’d got the message.

“Good,” he muttered. “Now. down on the ground and give me ten push-ups.”

There were times when I hated my uncle John and his training regimes. But the first time I had the courage to stand toe-to-toe with my school tormentors was not one of them. As they backed off I remember feeling proud of myself.

Now, looking back over a life in which I dared to leave the safety of a corporate job and start two successful businesses I am grateful for the mental, spiritual and physical toughening-up lessons my uncle instilled in me.

Habits that guarantee failure

My uncle John taught me that the danger with failing, “I failed,” is that it can become your identity, “I am a failure.”

He made me aware of the habits that were guaranteeing my failure to stand up for myself. I came to understand that these negative habits can be so ingrained that they operate below the level of conscious awareness.

He taught me to actively watch my thoughts and listen to the way I speak. This matters because everything you say you also hear and what you hear is constantly reprogramming you for failure.

Uncle John made me eliminate failure thoughts like, “It won’t matter if I put it off until tomorrow.” Or, “They may not be in the right mood now, I’ll talk to them later.” Or, “I won’t call now they may not be able to answer.”

I learned to duck quickly when, without thinking I uttered failure words like, “I’m sorry, my friend let me down.” Or, “I’m not in the right mood today.” Or, “I’ll do it later when I’ve got time.” Or. “I’ll start tomorrow.”

Sometimes he would even turn up at my house during the school vacations to check that I wasn’t loafing around. If he ever found me not doing something useful he would have me out exercising. He was a believer that a strong active mind is built on a strong active body.

How to toughen your mind for success

My uncle’s creed was that it doesn't matter where you are or who you’re with you must always be your own person. He taught me that your first responsibility is to manage yourself. His credo for military officers, managers and entrepreneurs were identical, “You must have faith in your own thoughts and ideas. You must think of the consequences of every action you’re considering.”

“It is only when you’re in charge of your mind that you can take responsibility for your actions and influence the actions of others.”

Under the tutelage of my uncle, I learned to pay close attention to the conversations going on in my mind. It is only when you are conscious of your own thoughts that you can change and redirect yourself to do what will get optimum results.

You have to discipline yourself, be tough, to make yourself do what needs to be done. No excuses. Never, “I can’t.”

It helps to be physically fit. Fitness gives you the strength and stamina to do what you need to do to succeed.

My uncle John never struck me again. He never wanted to because I became an avid pupil — a devotee of learning, fitness and of mind mastery.