Touch Starved
How does it really feel?
Being touch starved — also known as skin hunger or touch deprivation — occurs when a person experiences little to no touch from other living things. (Wikipedia)
I live with a family that doesn’t touch much. My husband hugs and kisses me in the morning and at bedtime. I can hug my 14-year old daughter and kiss the top of her head at bedtime. My 15-year-old son outgrew bedtime hugs a year or so ago.
I don’t remember a lot of touch growing up. Not a lot of hugs or comfort from my mom. We were a “wait until your dad comes home” kind of family. Surely you had done something wrong.
You had to wait in expectation for that belt. I’m not sure it was that kind of harsh, but I think that much is true! I grew up in a war zone! I don’t call that positive touch. This pattern of touch deprivation followed me throughout my life. I understand it so much better today. Are you touch hungry too?
Lauren Sharkey wrote an article on the healthline.com website in September 2019 stating that all positive touch is beneficial. Losing out on workplace handshakes, friendly hugs, or pats on the back can result in feelings of touch starvation. Fast forward to March 2019 forward and touch deprivation is a consequence of COVID-19.
“Human beings are wired to touch and be touched. When a child is born, that is how they bond with their mother — through touch,” said Asim Shah, M.D., professor and executive vice chair of the Menninger Department of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine. “Our wiring system has touch everywhere, so it’s difficult for us not to think about physical contact.”
“When someone is [touch] starved, it’s like someone who is starved for food,” Shah said. “They want to eat, but they can’t. Their psyche and their body want to touch someone, but they can’t do it because of the fear associated with, in this case, the pandemic.”
Shah says that touch starvation increases stress, depression, and anxiety, triggering a cascade of negative physiological effects. The body releases the hormone cortisol as a response to stress, activating the body’s “flight-or-fight” response. This can increase heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, and muscle tension and can suppress the digestive system and immune system — increasing the risk of infection.
It’s unclear when the COVID-19 outbreak will subside or how people will physically reconnect. But the “new normal” of social distancing has erased customary nonverbal gestures, such as shaking hands and social hugging.
Although Shah said the “long-term impact of touch deprivation is devastating,” he remains optimistic that people will overcome the stress and anxiety of physical distancing. “Human beings are very resilient,” he said. “We will learn the new level of intimacy. We will learn the new way of human connection — and we will learn to bring joy in different ways.”
Does that mean there hope for me, for my family, is there hope for you? Being the eternal optimist, with a pessimistic slant, I believe there is. I’m waiting for the latest self-help, medical, and psychology fields to give us more direction.
According to New York Times columnist Maham Asan, Some people have gone many months without touch: It was one of the first things we were cautioned against, even before social distancing, masks and stay-at-home orders became the new normal. According to Tiffany Field, the director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami, who has a Ph.D. in developmental psychology, touch is “the mother of all senses,” and in her 2001 book, “Touch,” argues that American society was already dangerously touch-deprived, long before the coronavirus exacerbated it.
I have to agree with Dr. Field. I was touch deprived through much of my life. I do have hope. While members of my family have experienced serious traumatic events in their lives, we strive to keep on keeping on — one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. We continue!
Today, one kiss and hug in the morning and one before bed is a wonderful thing. Bringing flowers home because I was a little blue was another thing. Knowing I was depressed about my Maggie Mae, my daughter looked at me, opened her arms, and said, “Do you need a hug?” I don’t need an expert to tell me that things will get better. They already are. Perhaps it’s perspective.
COVID-19 has made things challenging for all of us, even those who believe it’s a hoax. It is crippling our nation. But, everywhere you look, there are signs of hope, random acts of kindness, and so many other positives. I give my unequivocal thanks to the medical profession, today’s heroes.hey have touched every fiber of my life and the fabric of our communities.
My childhood might have been crippling. Yours might have been too. I’m going to live in adulthood, at least for one day, and shine a light on my family, my friends, and my community. I hope a little light on you too! Hang in there! We will get there, one day at a time. Good days! Bad days! We need to celebrate each other again, find the hope that deserted many of us, and move on. Me? I’m going to put my big girl panties on and move on! I hope you will too! There are so many shining examples out there for us to follow. Follow the light, not the dark! Sending love and good wishes!
ILLUMINATION ILLUMINATION-Curated Medium and all of my friends and connections have touched my heart and inspired my soul. For that, I will always be grateful! Thank you for reading my work!
Janny’s heart, musings, and meaningful meanderings! Sharing my love, pain, joy, and suffering. Mother, sister, wife, friend, lover of meaningful words, perpetual child of the universe. With a wild streak that cannot be tamed.. What about you? Share your thoughts, comments, or ideas below in responses or send me an email at [email protected]
