Top Five Tips For Nude Beach Newbies
While clothing-optional beaches eliminate the stress of finding the perfect swimsuit to wear, those new to the experience may have some misconceptions and/or uncertainty about other aspects of visiting a nude beach.
If you’re a nude beach newbie, fear not, as I’m about to share the top tips to make your visit to a clothing optional beach relaxing and enjoyable for you and your fellow beach-goers.
Number One: Nudity, Not Lewdity
While some clothing optional beaches around the world have sort of an “anything goes” attitude, sexual activity is illegal on most nude beaches in the United States.
I’ve had conversations several times on online message boards with people who wanted to know what part of a particular nude beach is where you go to hook up for some outdoor sexy time.
The answer is in the shade… under the roof of your home or hotel room.
Yes, there are people who openly have sex on nude beaches and get away with it.
I’ve seen it several times over the years, and I have watched very, VERY closely — for the sole reason to see if the participants got into any trouble, of course — and so far only one couple had an issue. A park ranger asked them to leave, but otherwise I believe they got off!
Be that as it may, keep in mind that any nude beach that is at least somewhat easily accessible to you, is also accessible to law-enforcement. If they catch you engaging in hanky-panky, you may be cited and/or arrested.
In addition to the personal consequences to you, in some places the legal clothing-optional status of a nude beach can be somewhat tenuous. If there are too many complaints about sexual activity, the clothing-optional status can be stripped from the beach.
For this reason, and because many nudists are very adamant about nudism being non-sexual, if you violate the rules about lewdness your first warning may come from an unofficial and un-uniformed (not to be confused with plain-clothes, because, well, they’re naked) “patrol officer”.
If your instinct is to tell them to fuck off and mind their own business, they will likely do so, just before they go call the cops. Be good and follow the rules so everyone can enjoy their day.
The bottom line here is, have your naked fun — just not too much fun while actually on the beach!
Take any extra-curricular activities someplace private. If you’re absolutely dead-set on having sex on the beach, do it away from the crowded part of the beach and maybe consider bringing a tent to keep your fun out of the public eye.
Number Two: Erections Happen, Just Don’t Make Them Happen
Other than the sex question, the most common thing I’ve seen asked about with regards to nude beaches is the concern from men about getting an erection.
To begin with, this doesn’t actually happen as much as you might think. There’s something different about being in an environment where nudity is the norm versus one where it’s not.
When everyone is naked and it’s not a big deal, most guys find that they don’t develop “a big deal”.
But erections do happen from time to time and in keeping with the advice about refraining from sexual behavior, the main thing is simply not to “encourage” it.
It will typically subside on its own if you leave it alone and for the most part, nobody is going to give you a hard time, er… hassle you about it. If you’re embarrassed by it, lie on your stomach for a while and as you relax, so will it.
Number Three: Sunscreen Is Important, But Don’t Get Too Focused On Your Junk!
Nude beach newbies are rightfully concerned about preventing sunburn on their tender bits, but a classic mistake is to get so focused on those parts of their anatomy that they forget… their backs!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone at a clothing-optional beach with genitals practically obscured by a coating of slathered-on sunscreen, yet with a back that’s completely fried.
Now, as a guy who is frequently a DSM (Dreaded Single Male) on my visits to nude beaches, I do understand that you might not have along someone to assist with protecting your back and that it can be a bit awkward to find a stranger to assist you.
I have done all right by using the spray-on stuff in the cans that have the extended handle, but even having pretty flexible arms to reach behind me and being generous with the spray there’s a tendency to miss spots, so my advice is to find someone to help.
If you’re a woman on your own, this probably won’t be a problem. Not only will there be MANY men all too happy to rub sunscreen on your back, a lot of women will probably be happy to do it too — and in a much less creepy way than a lot of the guys!
But it can be a different story when you’re a naked guy approaching another person (naked or otherwise) and asking them to touch you, even if only your back. Personally, I don’t want to approach a woman at the risk of making her feel uncomfortable, or possibly eliciting a jealous reaction from her male partner.
And I’ve found that my fellow heterosexual men tend to be absolute shit at applying sunscreen to another guy — they’re too squeamish about it being “gay”.
Every time a straight guy has sunscreened my back, I’ve wound up with a splotchy sunburn that looked like some kind of horrible disease!
My solution to the problem has been to find a gay or bisexual guy (as evidenced by them openly checking me out) who will enthusiastically help me. If they smile as I approach with my sunscreen in hand, I know this is a man who is going to do a thorough job and that my back is safe!
Well, maybe not entirely safe!
You see, gay/bi men are REALLY thorough in my experience, and my arms apparently look REALLY short to them!
So, literally EVERY time I’ve asked a gay/bi man to apply sunscreen to my back, they’ve generously applied it to my butt as well.
The first time it happened, I was a bit shocked, but frankly, these days I consider a little grab-ass to be a small price to pay for a well-done sunscreening and my back not being cooked to well-done at the end of the day.
Number Four: The Hazards of Bling
While wearing a lot of expensive jewelry can make you a target for crime under any circumstances, this warning is mostly about nipple and genital bling — piercings, chastity cages, etc., and assorted BDSM gear.
There’s a few potential problems with this sort of thing that you may wish to consider before wearing them to a nude beach.
First, going back to the hard-core nudists who are adamant about nudism being non-sexual. Piercings are generally well-accepted, but the more sexual the implication of your bling, the more likely (even though it’s rare under any circumstances) it could spark conflict with someone.
More importantly though, certain bling can create more direct problems for you in the form of physical discomfort or even injury.
The sun can be pretty hot at beaches in warm climates and metal objects on sensitive areas can heat up to an uncomfortable degree.
Of course, you can always go in the water to cool off, but that poses risks as well. Those shiny metal objects are much like the favored lures of fishermen. I personally have seen sizable sharks, barracudas, and other toothy creatures cruising just a few feet off of clothing-optional beaches in Florida.
Attacks are rare, but a shiny metal chastity cage or cock ring could lead to some oral attention you definitely don’t want!
Even non-metal genital accouterments can be problematic — especially, for example if you get sand, gravel, crushed shell, seaweed, etc. stuck inside a chastity cage and didn’t bring along a key to remove it.
Granted, such a problem might be part of one’s kink (no judgments here), but getting open sores and potentially an infection on your fun bits is probably not!
Number Five: The Photo Finish
Many people want to take pictures and/or videos to remember their visit to a nude beach. That’s perfectly fine, but keep in mind that others may not be keen to be to be in your recorded memories.
I’ve seen more than one heated argument erupt over picture-taking, even in cases where the photographer was really only taking selfies or pics of his/her companions.
To avoid problems, my advice is to go to less-populated areas of the beach for pictures and make extra sure not to inadvertently get anyone in the pics/vids who didn’t expressly give permission.
I also suggest you leave your professional camera rig with the giant telephoto lens at home, as that’s probably going to raise some red flags with your fellow nude beach-goers.
Bonus Tip:
It probably goes without saying for most, but one final tip I have is to do a little research in advance of your trip and find out the rules for the specific beach you’re going to.
It’s important to know things like the hours, where to park, specifically where you can be naked (hint- it’s usually NOT in the parking area), whether alcohol is permitted if you’re a drinker, age restrictions, etc..
Learn the rules, follow them, and you’ll probably have a great time.
Don’t learn/follow the rules and you’ll probably still have a great time — it’s a nude beach after all — but why risk having your good time ruined?
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