Top 10 Tips to Help You Stop Personalising Anything at Work

We’re human, and it’s natural for us to be affected by things at work, especially regarding our work, colleagues and boss.

The Work Theatre

I equate the workplace to be like a Theatre, which puts on a big daily performance. It has the main characters (managers, peers and colleagues), the set (the department), and the customary Act, which changes depending on the mood, goals and objectives.

Just like an actor who slips into their role the moment they go and change into their clothes backstage, an employee does the same from the moment they wakes up intending to go to work.

The routine involves playing out the ‘script’ they’ve prepared in their head and the numerous rituals and nonverbal gestures accompanying being an ‘actor’ in the work theatre.

Who is the audience? The clients, internal and external stakeholders and colleagues.

My list of reasons why we personalise things will be different to yours. Here’s why we keep doing it:

Here are some reasons why people tend to take things personally in a workplace context:

• Emotional Investment: When we invest time, effort, and energy into our work, we become more emotionally attached to tasks and their outcomes. This emotional investment can make us more susceptible to taking things personally when things don’t go as expected or when we receive criticism.
• Identity and Self-Worth: Many people derive a significant portion of their self-identity and self-worth from work. Consequently, any criticism or negative feedback about our work can feel like a personal attack on our competence, intelligence, or value.
• Perceived Threat: We may perceive criticism or feedback as threatening our job security, career advancement, or professional reputation. This perceived threat can trigger a defensive response, leading us to take things personally.
• Cognitive Biases: Cognitive biases, such as the fundamental attribution error (attributing negative actions to a person’s character rather than external factors) and the self-serving bias (attributing success to one’s abilities and failure to external factors), can contribute to taking things personally. We may attribute criticism to our character flaws while attributing our successes to our skills.
• Lack of Constructive Feedback: In some workplaces, constructive feedback may be lacking or provided in a negative or unhelpful manner. We may internalise criticism and take it personally when we don’t receive improvement guidance.
• Past Experiences: Past experiences of rejection, criticism, or bullying, whether in the workplace or personal life, can influence how we perceive and react to similar situations in the future. People with a history of negative experiences may be more prone to taking things personally.
• Social Comparison: We often engage in social comparison, comparing our performance and achievements to those of our colleagues. When we perceive ourselves as falling short or receiving less recognition than others, we may take it personally and feel envious or resentful.
• Communication Styles: Differences in communication styles between colleagues can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Some individuals may be more direct and assertive in their communication, which can be perceived as criticism by those who prefer a softer or more indirect approach.
• Stress and Burnout: High stress, burnout, or job dissatisfaction can make us more emotionally sensitive and less resilient to criticism or challenges, causing us to take things personally more easily.

So, what can you do?

Here are ten tips to make sure you keep your professional life remain professional.

1. Set the Intention for Each Work Day Before You Arrive

Begin each day by mentally preparing yourself. Setting clear, intentional goals for the day can help focus on the tasks, not unnecessary interpersonal drama.

2. Understand Your Colleagues’ Actions Aren’t About You

It’s human nature to interpret actions personally. However, everyone has their own set of challenges. Your boss’s curt response or a colleague’s oversight may not have anything to do with you.

3. Avoid Passive-Aggressive Tactics

Clear communication is critical. Instead of harbouring resentment or acting out subtly, be direct and transparent about your feelings and concerns.

4. Seek Guidance and Feedback

Discuss it with a manager or a trusted colleague if something bothers you. They might provide insights you hadn’t considered or offer solutions to alleviate your concerns.

5. Leave Work Issues at Work

Dragging work issues at home affects your well-being and imposes second-hand stress on your loved ones. Establish boundaries to keep professional concerns out of your personal space.

6. Document Your Communications

Whether it’s a casual conversation about a project or formal feedback, keep a record, especially of email communications. This not only serves as a reference but also ensures transparency.

7. Know When to Seek Help

You don’t have to shoulder complicated issues alone. Collaborate with colleagues or ask for help when you’re out of your depth.

8. Prioritise Your Well-being

Physical and mental health are interlinked. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and stress-relieving activities like meditation can help keep you at your best, personally and professionally.

9. Speak Up, But Choose Your Audience Wisely

While it’s essential to voice your concerns, broadcasting them to everyone may be ineffective. Address issues with those who can help or offer constructive advice.

10. Be Mindful of Over-sharing

While it’s natural to want to bond with colleagues, sharing too much personal information can sometimes backfire. Maintain a balance between being open and preserving your boundaries.

Parting Comments

Navigating the professional landscape requires a mix of assertiveness, understanding, and self-awareness.

By following these ten tips, you can ensure a work environment that is both productive and emotionally balanced.

Remember, it’s not about distancing oneself but safeguarding mental well-being while delivering the best at work.

Thank you for your attention.

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Pervin

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