Before You Say ‘This Is Too Woo-Woo for Me’…

A case for open-mindedness in communication.

Oftentimes, when people seem to disagree, they are actually presenting very similar opinions. They are just using different language around what might be the same concept, and so their delivery radically differs from one another.

I am finding this to be particularly visible in the spiritual or somewhat esoteric realm, where one word may automatically trigger placing your interlocutor in the so called woo-woo box, even though you have not really listened carefully nor have you tried to hear the intention behind the words. Yet woo-woo is not the only box the aforementioned dynamic resides in. We can see it across the board in conversations on politics, philosophy, ethics, religion, you name it — any box that houses polarities.

Let me expand on this rather abstract hypothesis by discussing particular examples. We’ll take a close look at two possible versions of a sentence, both having potential to mean the exact same thing, and examine why they might be interpreted differently depending on the listener.

Imagine you and your sister go the beach cabin where you used to spend your summer vacation. You might say something along the lines of:

There is just something about this place that makes me want to keep coming back.

You don’t really feel the need to explore what this thing is, it’s mostly just a figure of speech, something you might say when you can’t quite put your finger on where a certain feeling is coming from, you’re just stating your observations — even though it’s not an exquisite destination, there’s nothing special per se, still you’re being pulled towards it. Maybe it’s your safe place you like to escape to, maybe it brings back good memories with family, maybe you just feel peaceful and carefree there for some reason.

Now let’s imagine instead of you saying the above, your sister says:

This place has a very powerful energy. I really cherish coming here every time, as I can feel it elevating my vibration.

That is definitely way more out there, you might say. You might have stopped listening after you heard the word energy. You might have dismissed it with a Don’t be ridiculous. It elevates your vibration? Come on, who even talks like that! or another snarky comment of the sorts. This would be exactly what I meant earlier about a word or an expression triggering a black-or-white type of categorization. Someone who is generally not used to hearing this kind of language — and doesn’t relate to it at all — may immediately reject a statement like the one above by default, solely based on it mentioning energy and vibration. You’re secretly (or not-so-secretly) thinking Gosh, we’re just such different people. I wish she was more down-to-earth so we could actually have a relationship.

Going back to your original statement though, you both may be onto something — and this something might as well be the same thing, as in this case you have shared memories of the place. Have you been able to get over your initial knee-jerk reaction and judgement, along with preexisting beliefs about your sister, her sharing this observation with you could actually spark a warm conversation and a bonding moment, where you reminisce about your childhood hiding spots and eating ice cream for dinner.

Another example could be getting on the phone with your best friend Sarah — you’re in the middle of telling her how good and freeing it felt to sing it out at the karaoke bar last night, when she says:

Funny you should say that. It’s always been impossible for me to sing in front of people. I noticed that even when I am by myself, I have trouble singing out-loud, so I decided to take a voice workshop. Maybe I can finally deal with whatever this is.

You hear your dearest friend saying this and you get really frustrated, possibly thinking how little self-awareness she has, or coming up with a million stories as to how she should have handled the issue at hand. Having known Sarah for a long time, what you would expect to hear from her in the given context goes like this:

I have become very aware of the fact that my throat chakra is blocked. I really want to heal this area and remove the blockages, so I’ve decided to take a voice workshop aimed at opening the fifth chakra to try and regain my alignment.

Well, that’s what you would have said in her shoes. When you think about it though, a lot of people — the kind you were representing in the first example about the beach cabin — would have been seriously repelled by this sentence. Of course you might be used to Sarah using this kind of language too and you’re surprised, if not disappointed, for her not to do so in this conversation. While the above narrative is playing out in your head, you might be missing out on a chance to support a close friend that is being open and vulnerable with you.

Now let’s switch it up a little and look at an example of you saying what you perceive to be the same information in two different ways, depending on who you’re talking to. Imagine you’re casually talking to an old friend whom you’ve known for ages, but somewhere along the way you went in different directions — now you’re in the habit of catching up every now and then, but both of you have this ‘we’re just living in different worlds’ feeling towards each other. Lately you’ve noticed a huge shift in your boyfriend’s behavior. You might say:

There is something different about him. I feel like he could actually listen and see me for the first time.

The same thing could have come out more like this, if you have been talking to a close friend from your meditation group:

I can feel he’s had a spiritual awakening. Suddenly he’s just so receptive to subtle energy shifts it’s incredible.

In both cases you feel like the same information is being transferred, but you are fully aware of how differently — based on your choice of wording — the conversation may go in the two scenarios. You realise that saying those two sentences to the same person might have sparked very different reactions.

To wrap this up in a pretty bow, it needs to be said that all of the above is definitely not aimed to judge, evaluate or quantify one or the other language of choice, nor to analyse what do these choices say about the speaker, which is precisely why I chose examples showcasing different parts of the spectrum.

A point could be made why one is superior to the other and I could probably argue both sides.

While going through the three situations, I’m pretty sure you could notice yourself leaning towards one tendency, if not strongly assuming the position of one of the two. However, again — this is not aimed to argue one side or the other.

The only argument I want to make here is one for open-mindedness, whichever side you find yourself on.

I want to offer a few alternatives to concluding ‘you’re just too woo-woo for me’ (or not woo-woo enough, for that matter), and not engaging in further conversation altogether.

Being a listener, try looking out for the intention in what the other person is telling you, try dissecting the meaning rather than getting stuck on the form, aim to ask questions with curiosity rather than comment with judgment.

While speaking, try carefully crafting your words to accommodate for the possible differences in yours and your interlocutor’s worldview in efforts to bridge the gap by using appropriate language.

I believe that is exactly where the potential for connection may lie.