A Playtown Special
Tony And The Magic Bottom Of Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.
A Story For Medium’s Children
Tony Perkins was seven years old, quite small for his age, and wore special glasses with thick green lenses because they helped prevent him from getting bad headaches. All the other children at his school would make fun of his glasses and nobody wanted to be his friend. Tony was quite sad that he had no friends but always remembered what the optician told him.
“Just remember, Tony, these glasses will not only stop the headaches but also have special powers. One day they will help you see things other people can’t,” he said.
One day Tony asked his mum if he could go to the park to feed the ducks in the pond. She said, “OK, Tony, but don’t talk to any strangers,” and she gave him a half loaf of nearly stale bread, in a paper bag, for the ducks.
Tony ran as fast as he could to the park. He loved feeding them so much he had even given all of them a name. As he broke small pieces of bread and threw them into the water, all the ducks crowded in front of him.
“There you go, Reuben,” he shouted, “Now, don’t be greedy, Victor. Let Arpad have that piece of crust.” Tony didn’t realise that all the ducks were hens, and the only drake among them he called Charlotte.
After sharing the bread amongst the ducks, Tony put the empty bag in the bin, and the birds started to swim away. As he turned back to wave goodbye to them, Tony noticed a man sitting on a bench on the other side of the pond. The man was holding his head in his hands, his shoulders were shuddering, and, now the ducks had stopped quacking, Tony could hear him sobbing.
Tony approached the man and asked him if he was OK. The man seemed startled and looked at Tony, then looked around, and then looked back at Tony.
“Err… Are you talking to me?” he asked.
“Yes,” Tony replied, “You were crying. Is everything OK?”
“I’m fine,” the man said, “Can you actually see me?”
Tony looked at him. The man was quite a pathetic figure and appeared quite odd. He looked very old, yet he seemed to have the kind of full head of hair you would find on someone much younger. He wore glasses and the same sort of naff grey gilet one’s grandad would wear.
“Yes, I can see you,” Tony informed the man, “What an odd question.”
“It’s just that I am invisible, and nobody can see me.”
“Ahh…” Tony exclaimed, “It’s my glasses. They have special powers, which means I can see things other people can’t. Would you like to be my friend?”
“Yes,” the man said, “My name is Mark, and I am so happy to have a friend at last.”
When Tony arrived home and stepped into the kitchen, he said to his mum, “Look, mum, I have a friend; he’s called Mark.”
Tony’s mum looked around the kitchen and saw no one else but Tony. She remembered that Tony had imaginary friends before, so she looked across the dining table and politely said, “Hello, I’m very pleased to meet you.”
“He isn’t there mum. He’s next to the fridge.”
“Oh, sorry, I can’t see straight today,” she said, shrugging her shoulders, “Why don’t you take your friend to your room and play with your soldiers?”
“OK, I will. Follow me, Mark,” Tony said as they turned to leave the kitchen. Then he turned back and asked, “Can Mark sleep over tonight, Mum?”
“Of course,” she replied with a withering shake of the head.
As Tony and Mark entered the bedroom, the family cat, Laura, leaped from the bed towards Tony, hissing and spitting and trying to scratch him.
“I hate that cat,” Tony told Mark, “It’s always trying to hurt me.”
As quick as a flash, Mark pulled his trousers down and rubbed his bottom on the cat, and with a puff of gas, the cat disappeared.
Tony gasped. “What happened, Mark? What did you do?
“I forgot to tell you,” Mark confessed, “Not only am I invisible, but I can also make things disappear with my magic bottom.”
Tony laughed. “Ha Ha, you said bottom.”
“Now we are friends. I will protect you against people you don’t like,” Mark said.
That night, as Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., snored at the end of his bed, Tony thought about how amazing it was to have a friend with a magic bottom, and just before he fell asleep, he had an idea.
The next morning Tony’s mum served them both a bowl of cornflakes and a glass of orange juice, but Mark didn’t eat his.
“Can I take Mark to school with me today, Mum?” Tony pleaded.
“Oh, I can’t see why not,” she said with a smile.
Later that morning, Tony and Mark sat beside each other in Tony’s form room. Mrs. Trevaskis walked in and called on the class to “settle down now.”
Tony whispered to Mark, “I hate Mrs Trevaskis. She always tells me off.”
Mark immediately jumped onto Mrs. Trevaskis’ desk, pulled his pants down, and rubbed her face with his bottom. Just like Tony’s cat Laura, she vanished.
All the children in Tony’s form shouted “WOAH!” at the same time. The form’s head girl Robin Wilding screamed and promptly fainted. All the boys cheered.
Suddenly the classroom door opened, and French teacher Mr. Ogley strode in.
“What is all the noise about” he demanded to know.
With his trousers still around his ankles, Mark jumped on his back, and Mr. Ogley went the way of the form teacher.
All the kids were delighted and wanted to know what was happening.
“It’s my friend, Mark,” shouted Tony, “he has a magic bottom and can make people go away with it. Mrs. Trevaskis was being a total fluzznugget, and everyone thinks Mr. Ogley is a shiggleface.”
Even though none of the other children could see Mark, they gathered together and raised Tony on their shoulders, chanting, “Tony is our friend!” and “Thank heavens for Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., and his magic bottom!”
All the noise from Tony’s form room had other teachers rushing to see what was going on, and they, in turn, all got Mark’s bottom vanishing treatment. English teacher Mr. McEwan, Art teacher Miss Fefer, Maths teacher Mrs. Cattai, and the effeminate drama teacher Mr. Burg ended up victims of Mark’s magic bottom.
Unbeknownst to Tony, Mark, all the children, and all the rapidly disappearing teachers, Mrs. Lennox, the school secretary, was watching what was going on, through the classroom window, from outside. She ran to her office and made a telephone call.
Five minutes later, a man wearing thick green glasses entered the classroom. It was Tony’s dad.
“What are you doing here, Dad?” Tony asked, “And why are you wearing those glasses?”
“Everybody sit down at your desks right now!” Tony’s dad shouted very loudly.
The children became very frightened and did as they were told. Mark started to move towards Tony’s dad.
“You too!” Tony’s dad bellowed at Mark.
Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., couldn’t believe that Tony’s dad could see him, and he became scared and immediately sat down.
Now listen here, Tony, when I was young, I had the same problem as you and needed these same green glasses. Like you, I found a new friend who was invisible to everyone else, and she is here with us now. She is called Zatanna, and she has a magic spanking hand, and if I am not mistaken, it seems like your new friend could do with a good spanking.
With that, Zatanna appeared, but only Tony, his dad, and Mark could see her. She took Mark by the scruff of his neck, bent him over the teacher’s desk, pulled his trousers down, and started spanking him. With every slap of her magic hand, the teachers began to re-appear.
Mr. Burg, Mrs. Cattai, Miss Fefer, Mr. McEwan, Mr. Ogley, and Mrs. Trevaskis all tumbled out of Mark’s magic bottom in a heap on the floor. Finally, with one more massive spank, Laura the cat shot out of the bottom of Tony’s friend and frantically started licking herself clean.
Back at home, Tony’s dad explained, “I suffered like you, Tony, and I was told to wear the green glasses. When Zatanna turned up and went around spanking everyone I didn’t like, it soon became a big problem. In the end, the doctor gave me a drug that cured me, but it had side effects. Thankfully I didn’t suffer any. I hoped you wouldn’t need the drug, and one day your eyes would get better by themselves but we can no longer risk the consequences of Mark’s bottom.”
Tony looked over to the corner of the room where Mark was sitting.
At that moment, a doctor entered the room and injected Tony with a green liquid, and Mark began to fade away. Moments later, he had completely gone.
Tony never had to wear the glasses ever again. As the years passed, all the friends he made moved on because of Mark’s bottom, as did Tony.
Twenty-odd years later, Tony revisited that park, fed the ducks, and put on his old green glasses once more. Looking across the pond, he saw a quite pathetic figure who appeared quite odd. He looked very old, yet he seemed to have the kind of full head of hair you would find on someone much younger. He wore glasses and the same sort of naff grey gilet one’s grandad would wear.
The man waved, and Tony waved back.
The man turned around, pulled his trousers down, and with a puff of gas, was no more.
Tony threw the glasses into the pond, turned, and walked away.
THE END
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