Dateline Down Under: the Australian Toilet Paper Wars
The bottom line from the front line
Panic-buying has hit Australia. People are stripping the supermarkets of staples such as rice, pasta, and meat pies, but the top item flying off the bottom shelves is toilet paper.
Nobody wants to be caught short in a crisis, and now it’s no longer panic-buying, but actual panic.
Toilet paper availability wiped
Across the country, social media has been flooded with images of empty shelves once stacked high with packages of toilet paper. Some shops have introduced purchase limits per customer to prevent runs, and the top-trending topics on Twitter in Australia were #toiletpapergate and #toiletpapercrisis.
Police wade in, tasering unruly shopper
In the regional New South Wales city of Tamworth, police have tasered a man who became violent after arguing about toilet paper availability.
The shopper attempted to choke another customer, threatened staff, and grappled with police when he entered a different supermarket. He was tasered when he tried to grab a constable’s gun. There is no report on any physical effects experienced by the various parties.
Elsewhere in the state, Parramatta police were called in when a woman began stabbing other shoppers in the aisles in a dispute over toilet paper.
Northern Territory newspaper prints emergency supplement
The Darwin-based daily the NT News has printed an eight-page insert designed to help their readers cope with the shortage and improve their bottom line. Readers of the digital edition have reported less than satisfactory results, but say that they have put this behind them.
Butterfly effect on eBay
A single roll of toilet paper has been sold for $1 000 on eBay, according to Seven News.
“If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect anyone to even bid $10 as it was intended as a piss-take,” said the seller.
“I gave it a “Buy it now” price of $1000 so no one would buy it and obviously didn’t expect it to sell as I didn’t really want to go through the hassle of posting it. But there you go.”
Semi carrying precious cargo burns in horror crash
In Queensland, a truck carrying toilet paper has crashed and burst into flames on the Gateway Motorway in Brisbane.
Police swiftly rolled up and erected cordons to keep onlookers away from the scene. A spokesman said that until the Crash Investigation Unit arrived on-scene they had nothing to go on.
Bidets flood the market
One outlet reports bidet sales have soared 500% as customers seek alternatives to toilet paper. Randall Calby, managing director of Australian Bidet has become a television sensation, scoring a hit on the daily “The Project” news and interview show with his dry sense of humour and crappy jokes.
Britni
Britni Pepper writes for Kindle Direct Publishing. She runs a blog where she reviews erotica and rambles on about this and that. She may be reached on Twitter and Facebook.
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