Toddlers are the most dangerous people in America

Fear them.

They look all cute and cuddly. But in 2016, American toddlers fatally shot more Americans than terrorists killed. That was several years ago and the most recent data I could find.

I suspect nothing has changed. If anything, they have grown even more brazen.

They stumble around, all bobble-headed and bow-legged, tumbling like drunks. But, with two fingers, about a quarter of them can pull the trigger of a handgun. We’ve known this for thirty years.

That explains how at least 895 kids under five shot themselves or somebody else between 2015 and 2022.

A bullet wreaks havoc on a toddler-sized body because its internal organs are so squashed together. We’ve known that for a lot longer than 30 years.

And that’s not all.

Now, some humans use toddlers as bait to lure victims into harm’s way. At first, that’s what I thought happened to Carlee Russell, the Alabama woman who said she stopped for a toddler wandering alone on the roadside.

The public has not heard her side of the story yet, but no other reports of a stranded toddler came in that night.

Most of us, I hope, would stop to help a toddler or baby in distress.

Russell did, or so we thought.

But what a plot twist.

She may have engineered the scene for her own, so far unclear, motives. In terms of the number of victims, that would make her worse than the thugs who do lure good sams, like I thought she was, into danger. They have one victim. She had many.

I was one. It’s getting harder to care about events that happen outside of my bubble. But even I prayed for Russell to get home safely with the kidnapper caught and the toddler saved.

Russell’s victims are legion. Toddlers do wander away and need rescuing sometimes. It happens.

Picture yourself careening down the highway. Maybe you’re on your way home from work. A toddler or baby appears on the roadside out of nowhere. What will you do? In the aftermath of Russell’s stunt, will some people will tell themselves, ‘Oh, it’s just road debris. I’m so tired I’m hallucinating. Better drive on?’

What is real, and what is fake? It’s the central question of our times.

Each era’s crimes say something about its character. In the past few years, we have seen a rise in fakery. Fakes have always existed, but now we churn them out like plastic shower curtains.

We’ve also seen a rise in crimes where criminals take advantage of our better nature. Who among us is so cold-hearted that they wouldn’t stop to see if that toddler was alright? Could you really stay in your car and phone it in like a pizza order?

A shrink would say America is out of touch with reality. It’s no wonder. Fakes chip away at our dwindling ability to know what’s real. AI is another nail in the coffin. Did a human write this essay or a bot?

Maybe that’s why we cannot or will not base our decisions on reality.

We’re doing nothing about climate change.

And those trigger-happy toddlers?

We child-proof bottles of aspirin. We’ve got the technology to make it harder for toddlers to shoot themselves or others. But any change has been in the direction of making it easier for them.

If I see a toddler by the roadside, I’m stopping to get them to safety. If you’re going to drive past toddlers in peril, what’s the point in living? You gotta love those bobble-headed, bow-legged little drunks.

Just be careful. And let’s watch out for each other. We are all navigating turbulent waters. Even Carlee Russell.