Today my heart cracked open

The truth about awakening…

Over the last few months I’ve been deep in the process of awakening. And today, I felt it all.

Today my heart cracked open into a million pieces.

I thought I’d faced off with myself.

I thought I’d felt the deepest, darkest crevices of feelings.

Nope, not even close.

Today was that.

I sat in my bath for hours and I cried. And I cried, and I cried.

And I couldn’t stop crying.

I cried for myself.

I cried for my boyfriend.

I cried for my family.

I cried for my friends.

I cried for my ancestors.

I cried for my past lives.

I cried for the children.

I cried for the world.

I cried for Mother Earth.

I cried for humanity.

I cried for all the women who have been kept small.

I cried for our freedom and rights slowly being taken away.

I cried for the injustice, the manipulation, the control.

And mostly, I cried for the people who caused all this pain in the first place. What could have possibly happened in their lifetime to make them want to inflict so much suffering?

I cried because I’m concerned not enough people will see the truth in time.

I cried because I’m afraid to keep baring my soul like this.

I cried because I don’t know if I have the strength to keep showing up.

I cried, and I cried, and I cried.

All the tears I felt like I should’ve cried when I first discovered the truth. But some part of me still didn’t want to believe it. So I was still trying to numb myself.

I cried because I felt like I should’ve seen all of this sooner.

I cried because I feel helpless.

And then I cried because I realised this is what my soul came here for.

I cried tears of gratitude knowing I’m not alone in this.

And then I looked in the mirror and reminded myself who I am.

I reminded myself of the bloodline I came from.

So many strong, powerful, resilient men and women.

I reminded myself my soul has been preparing for this moment all along.

I reminded myself it’s not just up to me to save humanity.

I reminded myself of all the movements and demonstrations happening all over the world at the moment.

I reminded myself there’s lots of us in this together.

I reminded myself I am not alone.

I reminded myself I am allowed to put myself first.

I reminded myself, in taking care of myself, I am able to show up stronger for others.

I reminded myself, as long as I keep showing up and sharing my truth, I will have whatever impact I’m meant to have.

I reminded myself to surrender.

I reminded myself to trust.

I reminded myself of all the good and beauty in this world.

I reminded myself the Universe always has my back.

I reminded myself to come back to love.

I reminded myself it’s ok to feel.

I reminded myself I don’t have to have all the answers.

I reminded myself of all the magic I have inside.

I reminded myself, I would rather die fighting for freedom than allow myself to be subjected to anymore manipulation and control. Why are people so afraid of death, that they’re willing to spend their entire lives not even living?

I reminded myself that we are the people, we are the majority, and when we choose to stand together we will have the power.

I reminded myself it’s not on me to try and make people believe.

They have to be willing and ready.

And when they are, that’s when I get to do my part.

I am here to lead the way out of the darkness.

I had to go first so I can guide others. Just like others had to go before me.

The process of awakening is anything but comfortable.

It’s not meant to be.

But know, when you’re ready to see, I will be here for you.

Just as I’ve had many beautiful people guiding me, I will be a guide for you.

If you’re ready to see, I’m here.