Relationships

Today a Friend Paid Me Back $20K She Borrowed Decades Ago for Her Divorce

She needed it; we had it; she got it

“Women helped each other in ways small and large every day, without thinking, and that was what kept them going even when the world came up with new and exciting ways to crush them.” ― Alyssa Cole, Let Us Dream

I Need Help

I still remember her voice on the phone, tenuous and nervous about what she needed to ask. We went to college together, hood rats trying to climb up our non-existent bootstraps. We graduated together with our precious Electrical Engineering degrees. She married her pre-med fiancé and supported him while he completed his studies. I went on to a high-flying corporate career.

Eleven years later, she is on the phone with me. He controlled all the money in the household. They moved three times for his internship, residency, and specialty studies. He made it. He was a cardiologist. And he was divorcing her because she no longer met his version of the wife of a high-powered cardiologist. She was too old, too tired, too ordinary, and not as slim as she once was.

His lawyer called her, offering her a fucked-up no-fault divorce deal. She would receive the equivalent of 12 months’ living expenses and the title to the car she already paid for. She would end up with little to nothing in the future. He would enjoy the medical career she financed with her blood, sweat, and tears. His future income would belong to him and the woman he was already dating. She needed an equally skilled divorce lawyer to fight for her rights, but she had no money for a retainer.

My only question was, “How much?” My only advice was, “I am not a well, you can’t come back again. You know my spouse won’t like this.” Although I said it with a smile in my voice, we both knew I was in for a throw-down knock-down fight with my spouse about the money. I would “discuss” the request with him while leaning toward what I wanted to do already. I would listen to his opinion, but I wouldn’t like what I knew he would say.

He Said, “No.”

My husband’s immediate input was that she would never pay the money back. Because they moved so often, she had never climbed the ladder of success, making only a tiny bit more than when we started working. Her credit was non-existent; she would stay with another friend while finding a place to live. I told my honey that I knew what he said was true; I expected I would not get the money back soon, so let’s assume she never pays me back. Let’s start there. If I don’t give her the money, her life is jacked up by that ass. She has fallen down, and I am not offering to help her up.

He hit the ceiling. I did not move, physically or emotionally — I was not moving. She needed the money. We had some money, and I wanted to give it to her. My spouse resisted me for days, then he relented, admitting that it would cause us no pain to loan her the money. “It is too painful to see your reaction to her husband trying to kick her to the curb,” he said. He married me for my sharp intelligence, ruthlessness, and big heart. It was a package deal. This time the heart was out front.

$20K would be a significant part of our home down-payment fund. If we did this, then I would need to stop complaining about the small townhouse we owned. It would take time to replenish our funds, so we would not be moving soon. At her insistence, my attorney prepared a promissory note. I never told her I didn’t expect the money back.

A Wonderful Surprise

Now, decades later, she is paying me back the money that she says saved her life. I do not know where the promissory note is…I threw it on my nightstand and never kept up with it. I knew that if there was a way for her to repay me, she would.

When I think of her paying me back now, I think: Thank you for the reminder that we will always be friends. We once wondered if we would still be friends when the fun stopped. I do not need the opportunity to relive our lives as young women. Being a settled woman is much better. Never let those you love down and always keep your word. Bonds of genuine friendship are scarce; hold them tight when you find them.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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