To Tree or Not to Tree

No, really, it’s a serious question

To tree, or not to tree, that is the question Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of hearing Bah Humbug! Or to take arms against a sea of tangled lights And by untangling, hang them, string them forthwith, Taking care to replace any bogus bulbs For if we don’t, none of them shall light up — Which would be our undoing: ’tis a shame.

Devoutly to be wish’d for better engineering Of said shoddy merchandise — ay, there’s the rub: For in that haranging with the bulbs, we deflate When we most need our energy for shopping, Which gives us pause — there’s the dilemma That makes Christmas time so f*ing crazy.

For who would bear the blame of going treeless? The kids would cry and make us miserable And claim we don’t love them, such is their way The insolence of innocence, the little twits Who have no idea of the cost, the time…

When they themselves expect Santa’s magic With no clue how this all really happens. How we grunt and sweat erecting the damned Tree and painstakingly arrange its branches Let alone get the ornaments down from The top shelf of dusty attic or garage Let alone hang them all without six breaking.

Prithee, who has the time to do all this plus bake? This pressure to perform makes cowards of us all, And thus the tempting hue of resolution Is suckled o’er with the very delicious thought That our time is better served by shopping.

We’ll put the presents under the television and hopefully no one will even notice.

Here’s Ten Templates to Kick-Start Your Humor or Satire

Marilyn Flower writes political humor and satire to delight socially and spiritually conscious folks. She’s a regular columnist for the prison newsletter, Freedom Anywhere, where she writes about faith and prayer. Five of her short plays have been produced in San Francisco. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times.