To The Writer Who Didn’t Label Their Last Paragraph “Final Thoughts”

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Abstract

thought my browser was busted. But no matter how much I dragged, I couldn’t get more precious words. Then, I screamed profanities…” God damn you, computer. This is not the end! If it were the end…it would be clearly marked “The End.”</p><p id="b0b7">Sure, you may argue that the last page of a book is not labeled “This Is Your Last Page.” But that’s totally different. This is the Internet, and people use fewer brain cells when reading. They need a bit more hand-holding.</p><h1 id="60da">Final Thoughts</h1><p id="d6f7">I have taken enough Freshmen writing classes to know that there is no way to know if the last paragraph is your final thoughts unless you clearly label it — “Final Thoughts.” It’s like the sign telling you that you have reached your destination.</p><p id="a514">Yes, you could end your piece with some pithy quote or profound tie-in that neatly circles back to your first paragraph. But

Options

that’s way too much work for the reader.</p><p id="e58a">Don’t expect your reader to read minds. Take, for example, this paragraph — if I had not labeled it final thoughts, then the reader would assume there are thoughts beyond these final thoughts. And that’s just cruel.</p><h1 id="23cc">In Conclusion</h1><p id="c4cb">I know I already said the above was my final thought, but I also need to conclude my final thoughts.</p><p id="f487">The next writer who doesn’t tell me that the last paragraph is seriously their last paragraph is getting reported. And that’s not an empty threat. I don’t put empty threats under the “In Conclusion” heading.</p><h1 id="6147">The End</h1><p id="1378">Please stop scrolling. There is nothing beyond this point.</p><p id="0d13"><i>*Note to reader: The three dots above are also an indication you have reached the end. In case you were still confused…</i></p></article></body>

How dare you toy with readers

Actress Evelyn Preer in a scene from The Homesteader, 1939, The New York Public Library | Public Domain

I was reading an online article recently, and the writer did something barbaric. They did not inform me that their last paragraph was the last paragraph. Yes, that’s right. There was no heading labeled “Final Thoughts,” “In Conclusion,” or “That’s All Folks.”

So I did what any logical human would do…I just kept on scrolling.

At first, I thought my browser was busted. But no matter how much I dragged, I couldn’t get more precious words. Then, I screamed profanities…” God damn you, computer. This is not the end! If it were the end…it would be clearly marked “The End.”

Sure, you may argue that the last page of a book is not labeled “This Is Your Last Page.” But that’s totally different. This is the Internet, and people use fewer brain cells when reading. They need a bit more hand-holding.

Final Thoughts

I have taken enough Freshmen writing classes to know that there is no way to know if the last paragraph is your final thoughts unless you clearly label it — “Final Thoughts.” It’s like the sign telling you that you have reached your destination.

Yes, you could end your piece with some pithy quote or profound tie-in that neatly circles back to your first paragraph. But that’s way too much work for the reader.

Don’t expect your reader to read minds. Take, for example, this paragraph — if I had not labeled it final thoughts, then the reader would assume there are thoughts beyond these final thoughts. And that’s just cruel.

In Conclusion

I know I already said the above was my final thought, but I also need to conclude my final thoughts.

The next writer who doesn’t tell me that the last paragraph is seriously their last paragraph is getting reported. And that’s not an empty threat. I don’t put empty threats under the “In Conclusion” heading.

Writing Tips

To The Writer Who Didn’t Label Their Last Paragraph “Final Thoughts”

How dare you toy with readers

Final Thoughts

In Conclusion

The End