To the Hippie Inside of You

Happy 4/20, sweetheart.

“I had a feeling you’d mention cannabis today.” She said.

“There’s no better time.” I said.

“So…what’s the angle you’re riffing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” She said. “You’re just holding back.”

“Alright I’ll do it.”

“And I want all of it.”

“Okay, I’ll give you all of it, I promise, especially by the end.”

“Good.” She said. “Kiss, then tell.”

“Muah.”

Cannabis has been an integral part of humanity for 50,000 years, before it was bastardized in part by the propaganda film Reefer Madness, in 1936.

Before this, the rope and textile industry experienced pure bliss thanks to Cannabis Sativa.

Hemp is among the fastest growing plants on planet Earth. It can be refined and used to make paper, rope, textiles, clothing, biodegradable plastics, paint, insulation, biofuel, food, and animal feed.

“You took that straight from Wikipedia, you little thief, you.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

“Right.” She said. “Do you know only one man is responsible for editing most of Wikipedia’s articles?”

“I did not know that.”

“It’s true. His name is Steven Pruitt.” She said. “He’s also contributed over 33,000 articles of his own.”

“That’s amazing.”

“What’s even more amazing is he hosts publishing parties with feminist groups quite frequently to increase the amount of female-based articles on Wikipedia, while editing male-based articles, if they come across too patriarchal. Though no one really talks about the latter part.”

“Wow.” I said.

“Yes, so the source you pull from quite regularly actually is laden with bias.” She said. “All the same, female-based articles still only make up less than 20% of the total articles on Wikipedia. No matter how many publishing and editing parties take place.”

“So what does that tell you?”

“It tells me that if you leave people to speak about those who have achieved greatness, people will likely refer to male figures.”

“Because of the oppressive male patriarchy, right?” I ask.

“It could be that men are born to achieve, invent, and explore. It could have to do with their previous roles as hunters and gatherers.”

“Some would find that very offensive, what you’re saying right there.” I said.

“That’s because you entertain the idea of people being offended by it.” My love said. “Whether or not people are offended depends on how you tailor your own life, honey. I’ve been trying to tell you this for a long time. If you want people to stop victimizing themselves, then you have to start thinking about everyone being happy again.”

“I’m working on it.”

“How?”

“By talking about cannabis.”

“Right.”

Cannabis has been around since the great deluge. Arguably.

“That sounds preposterous.”

“No one really knows for sure.”

“Next thing you know you’re going to say Noah found weed instead of grapes and became a stoner instead of a drunk.”

“If he became a stoner instead of a drunk we would have peace in our time right now.”

“Are you saying alcohol is the cause of the world’s turmoil?”

“I’d say it’s a contributing factor.”

“And weed isn’t?”

“Well, there is not one reported case of someone dying from smoking weed.”

“Are you sure?” She asks. “Not even one?”

“Well if there is a case, then it is an anomaly. Whereas you have 95,000 people dying from alcohol poisoning and alcohol-related accidents every year.”

“You raise a valid point.”

“Not to mention the amount of domestic abuse that spawns from alcohol consumption. Besides, people only think about weed as a psychoactive substance.”

“Right. You smoke it to get high.”

“Wrong. You eat it to stay healthy.”

“What’s that now?”

“If you eat cannabis leaves and flower you receive vital nutrients in the form of endocannabinoids, omegas 3, 6, and 9, vitamins K, E, and C, calcium, iron, and magnesium. In fact, if you only had access to the leaves, you could survive off of the plant alone, if it were the only plant you could access.”

“Yeah, but you remain stoned all the time.”

“Incorrect.”

“Bullshit.”

“The only way you can get high off of cannabis is by heating the plant, or through C02 extraction, which requires knowledge in chemistry.” I said. “If you are just eating the leaves, there is no psychoactive component.”

“So it’s like eating a salad?”

“A superfood salad.” I said. “Though the leaves have terpenes that can burn the esophagus if you’re not used to having cannabis as a staple in your diet. So best have some bread or something sweet to counterbalance the burn.”

“You sure know a lot about this plant.” She said. “I imagine it’s easy to grow?”

“The seeds grow just about anywhere on the planet, and the plants will thrive in no time, and require little maintenance.”

“Hence the name weed.”

“Exactly.”

“So why aren’t we growing cannabis?”

“It wasn’t legal until last year.”

“Why?”

“Because if people were to introduce cannabis to their diet, they would no longer have a number of health-related issues that require prescription medications to moderate.”

“And if people were to embrace hemp, we could end the fossil fuel shortage?”

“Yes, and we would revolutionize the textile and fuel industry, and put a lot of big corporations out of business.”

“Is it safe to consume cannabis while you’re pregnant?”

“Just to be safe, wait until the baby is born and then consume cannabis leaves along with moringa to make your breast milk super-human.” I said. “In fact, the highest concentration of endocannabinoids exist in the mother’s placenta, and in breast milk.”

“I take it cannabinoids are important for diet then.” She said. “So how else do we get them?”

“By eating meat. Fish, mostly. For the omegas, as well. Salmon is a good one.” I said. “Imagine if we were to remove Vitamin C from our diet entirely. First of all, you can’t overdose on Vitamin C. I mean, you would have to consume a ridiculous amount before it becomes toxic, and you would piss it out right away with increased water consumption. So let’s just say — for the sake of honoring cannabis today — if we were to stop consuming a plant that we have been consuming for 50,000 years, that grows in all regions of the planet, and gives back so much in return for such little effort — imagine what would happen to human consciousness without it? Now imagine us removing the psychoactive components too, making them illegal to consume. Where would we be as a society?”

“In a world of shit.”

“And that’s where we are.” I said. “To make matters worse, now that recreational cannabis is blowing up, everyone talks about THC, and how high you can get. This is the worst possible news.”

“Why do you say that?”

“If someone already has problems with the mind, with difficulty managing thoughts, feelings, and convictions, then giving someone cannabis with huge amounts of THC can leave them feeling unhinged.”

“You’re talking about bugging out.”

“I’m talking about being made worse by a plant that should make you better.” I said. “First of all, these folks aren’t consuming the plant in their diet, for the most part. So the biggest benefits are lost, right there. Second, in order for you to feel therapeutic effects from cannabis, you must combine it with healthy amounts of CBD, and CBN. Both of which are mostly ignored by growers, because they grow high THC plants to maximize potency, and profit. They are like the winemakers in Napa who crank out high-volume, high-alcohol, throat-burning offerings because you get more bang for the buck. It becomes a business that’s more focused on clout and money, then actually helping people medicinally. I mean, think about it — someone can walk into a dispensary not knowing any of this and ask someone who is not a physician, what they recommend. And they are going to sell what they are told to sell. For the sake of money. And this happens at the majority of dispensaries.”

“That’s pretty fucked up.”

“Well, it can lead to more regulations eventually, if people are tripping balls on flower that has huge THC and nothing else.” I said. “Did you know you can stop a THC bug-out with a quick spray of CBD under the tongue?”

“I did not know that.”

“CBD is essential for receiving the therapeutic benefits of cannabis, when consumed for spiritual purposes. In other words, when you heat it up to convert THC-A (non-psychoactive, acid form) into THC (psychoactive form), you should be doing this ceremonially, for the sake of expanding consciousness.”

“You mentioned CBN…what is that all about?”

“Ah yes, the coveted CBN. It’s produced at the end of the harvest cycle, after the plants have flowered to complete maturity and are on their way back to earth. CBN has a direct relationship with the pineal gland, melatonin production, and maintaining healthy circadian rhythm. And it’s hugely relaxing to the body. Yet those producing cannabis want high THC, so they harvest early, when it’s at its peak level, and little CBN is produced as a result. We’re talking about a plant that is designed to be harvested when the plant is mature. But everyone wants bigger, danker, skunkier buds with huge THC. This is what the world wants. Because the world knows no better.”

“How did you learn all of this?”

“I worked with a shaman in Mexico City on multiple occasions who has helped people consume cannabis to cure cancer. In addition to accessing the power of thought, one can heal the body very quickly through this plant.”

“It sounds amazing.”

“The plant also has its duality. It brings up a lot of emotions from the past. A lot of feelings that have been kept under wraps, and for some, this can be completely overwhelming to where they break down and dissociate psychologically. So before anyone even thinks about consuming cannabis recreationally, for fun, it should be introduced to the body in the form of nutrition, for health, and then, slowly, introduce a well-balanced version of the plant for entheogenic purposes.”

“You’re right, no one is teaching this at the dispensaries.”

“Well I’m willing to speak with folks before they make decisions based on a sales pitch by a non-certified physician.”

“Are you a certified physician?”

“No.” I said. “I’ve only experienced life enough to comment on the subject.”

“Some won’t listen to this because you’re not a medical doctor.”

“First of all, no one funds cannabis research. Second, I’d say after 50,000 years of consumption, the plant is safe to consume. But not safe to smoke if it’s being bred for THC potency and nothing else. If endless rows of female plants are crammed into a grow space, so that their buds swell huge and they are dripping with sticky resin, and never introduced to a male plant, I believe there is an issue with that. Like I have an issue with farming any monoculture. There is much that can be done to improve people’s health through cannabis, but it must be looked at in the light of nutrition first.”

“Alright. I’ll give it a shot.” She said. “So…are we going to smoke this bowl or what?”

“Yes, but first I need a kiss.”

“You’re so needy.”

“Yep.”

I like to hold my man’s hand. And when I’m not, I like to drape my nails over his skin. I like to be in contact with him. So that he knows what I’m thinking. Most of the time, I’m just proud of him. I tell him with my words, and I show him with my touch. And I love to kiss him, because I feel he loves me. He loves how I listen, and ask questions. And wish to know more about things that he learned when he was going through so much. I don’t ask him about the hard times. I just listen, and in time, everything comes out.

So I kiss his lips, and his forehead, and my hands are cold but all the same, I feel his warmth radiating, and I want him to be inside me. As much as it may feel wrong for some to read or hear, it’s what I feel. I know this man is the man I love, and I wish to be with him forever. And I have been with him. Always bound to this lumbering man who is so passionate about things that others would never pay attention to, or even reserve a moment to think about.

“Can I have one more of those kisses please? With the way you run your fingers through my hair, with your nails — I love your nails.”

“Of course, my love.”

No one likes to be asked to do anything. I know. He’s like a golden retriever. He lifts his paw up and places it on me, and it’s because he wants more. It’s built into his DNA. I don’t deny him. For I see the way he looks at me, and treats me with total admiration. It’s because I listen to him, I know. It’s because I look him in the eyes with pure love, even when he’s distracted.

There are times when we make love and he’s not looking at me the way I look at him. And it’s alright. He’s hunting somewhere in his mind for the perfect feeling. And then I pull him close, and he feels my skin, and realizes it is cold in spots, and warms it again — and finds his hearth inside me.

This is my man. He is mine. And I am his woman. We are one.