To the Woman I Love

I want you to know how good it feels when I think of you.

It’s been a good number of years since I’ve thought of you in this way. You would say it’s been a lifetime. I know.

You’ve been calling me every moment of every day, asking for the truth. And what did I do? I kept it from you.

I have felt so undeserving of you, for so long. Some moment came where I saw you, in your immense beauty, and wished for us to be together, and you chose another man.

That man you chose was me, at the wrong time. I should have congratulated both of you, and encouraged you to be happy. Instead, I felt jealous, and I let this jealousy stir until I was given access to forces that should never be mixed with love. And it did no good for me.

“It sounds like you’re still looking around.”

“No, I’m not,” I said.

“Then tell me where you’ve been.”

“Recently, or before?”

“I know where you’ve been before, love. Tell me where you are now.”

“I’m lifting you up.”

“In what way?”

“In every way imaginable.”

“I can imagine infinite ways.”

“That’s where I want to be — right there with you — in the infinite source.”

“You could be here with me, all the time. We could even transcend this body. Did you know that?”

“How could I not?”

“Just checking.” She said. “So tell me, where have you been, my love?”

“Kissing you.”

“I thought you were having a wrestling match with me on the couch just a few moments ago.” She said, “I want you to know I liked it.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would.”

“Be sure.” She said. “Just be honest with me, please.”

“I liked it too.”

“Made you feel tired, didn’t it? To let out all that energy. Me too. Now afterward, how do you feel?”

“I remember when we were close together on the couch, snuggling, I felt a profound sense of peace.”

“Yet this came from wrestling.” She said. “How could that be?”

“I have yet to understand everything between us. I feel like we just met, even though — “

“Even though what?”

“Even though we’ve always been together.”

“You know if you were to tell anyone else other than the one true love of your life, you would be laughed at?”

“Yes. And I believe I figured out a way around this.”

“Please tell.”

“I know you’re not a jealous woman.” I said. “All you want is to bring the perfect woman into my world. Who is just the right amount of crazy. So bright. Productive. Hopeful. Aligned. So beautiful. So sensual. Scared at times, too, only to catch herself in the middle of it, and I get to watch her turn it around on her own accord. We meditate every day together. We work together, and our production as a team makes it look like we are running a publishing company with dozens of employees and contributors, but no, it’s just us — we just happen to be obsessed with creation. And still we find time to have these exchanges. And we travel. We love everyone we see. And we attract the best of company just from being who we are. To be with such a partner, is to be complete.”

“You know what, my love?”

“Please, tell me, my sweet.”

“If you speak this way, all the time…I have a feeling you’ll get away with all this new thought.”

“Good.” I said. “So it’s a good plan, then.”

“Yes. A very good plan.”

“Alright then. Let’s solidify this.” I said. “Should I do the honors?”

“First a kiss, then go ahead.”

“Right.” I said, and pulled her close, so fast I took her by surprise, and then, she settled in with a deep exhale. I feel her muscles relax. Her face is close to mine, and she smiles so true, and we laugh, as we swoon — a shifting of the energy, as she melts in my arms, I pull her close, her eyes dim, taking in a quiet sip of air, holding it now from the anticipation, I feel the movement of her stomach and hips, placing a palm on her face with my fingers in her hair, I take her lips onto mine. Her mouth opens and widens into an angle that grips my lips the tiniest bit, and our tongues relax, and meet, and find a way to make love so sweet, as we breathe, and the gears start turning now. Thoughts, feelings, emotions — lost in this world of love — the only excuse to ever lose one’s mind is right here, right now.

I pull away — “I am that I am.” I said, smiling — mirroring hers. She moves in for more. And we melt into each other again.