To the 5 Followers, I Just Lost

Good riddance to “fake” writers.

You know who you are. The bitcoin fanatic. The marketing consultant. The time-share seller. The porn star. AKA, snake-oil peddlers who think they can make a buck or increase their visibility by following honest-to-goodness “real” writers here on Medium.

Normally, I wouldn’t be pissed off about this, but you caught me on a bad day and I’m sick of bullshit, from bullshit people like you. Phonies and trolls who really just need to “get a life.” Aren’t there other sites where, as the Brits say, you can “take a piss?”

We work very hard here. I work very hard here. And, if you don’t like the fact that I didn’t follow you back — stick it in your ear folks because I thought your “work” sucked.

That’s right, I said it. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll stick to the singular and say that as a writer, you suck. And, you’re an affront to those of us here who are serious about our craft. Take a class. Read a book. Fly a hot air balloon. Do anything but pollute this space.

Whenever someone follows me, I do them the courtesy of reading their stories, if they have any and some of you don’t, to see if I’d like to follow back. If you don’t have any stories available, that’s a red flag to me. DUH. If you’re not writing, then what the hell are you doing here?

If you have stories published on this platform and they suck, then I won’t return the favor of following your dumb ass back. It’s as simple as that. There’s too much high-quality content here on Medium to spend even thirty seconds on crap. My time is far too valuable. As is the Medium staff’s. As is everyone’s who actually has a life.

See that, Medium curators? You got a shout-out. You deserve it.

I would love to know how many other writers this happens to. The real ones, I mean. How many fake followers descend upon their profiles.

There’s another group, here, too: Those who quit you if you don’t follow back fast enough. Likerightaway. That fast. What are you people thinking? It takes time and a shit-ton of it, to write and read and clap and engage with the Facebook groups, not once, but several times a day. Give the rest of us a chance for fuck’s sake.

This is one more reason why obsessing about one’s stats is detrimental to the creative process. When we focus on bullshit from bullshitters, we’re bound to pick up some of that stink. And that’s the last thing we need as we bleed out on the page day after day.

Naturally, it’s gratifying when we see our numbers on the rise, but at the end of the day what does that really mean? Is our self-worth as poets, novelists, essayists, tied to that number? God, I hope not. If so, I’m a bust-out.

Truly, I don’t like to get worked up over insignificant twaddle like this, but as I said, I’m in a bit of a stew today. It will pass. It usually does. I’ll work out. I’ll clean the bathroom. I’ll write a story like this in order to blow off some steam. I’ll have a big glass of wine tonight. Probably two.

Bottom line: My goal is for my writing to resonate. Whether that be with five people or five hundred, as long as it’s honest. Real. So if you’re following me because you enjoy reading my stories, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I will do my best to respond in kind. Because we writers need to stick together. The authentic ones, anyway.

For those of you who follow me looking for a quick return-follow, or worse, have some course you want me to sign up for or product you want me to buy, I have just one thing to say. Uh…no. In other words, follow the other losers and,

GET LOST.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

As always, I appreciate you’re coming along for the ride. If you enjoyed this, I think you might like the following rants.

And please check out the other forthright writers in my pub, Rogues’ Gallery.