To Speak Or Not To Speak

Why Silence Is No Longer the Answer. Was It Ever?

I originally wrote this piece in September 2016. Sadly, very sadly, the words are still the same and the silence still deafening. What will it take, America? What will it take???

I started writing this post in June. It was purely a therapeutic outlet; a way to grasp the horrific events of Orlando and Charleston. It’s more a stream of semi-conscious thoughts scribbled viciously as a way to scream at the world on paper, than any sort of articulate composition. But as I safely tucked this post away in the back of my computer, violence surged on. Alto Sterling. Terence Crutcher. Keith Scott. Tyre King… I wish I could say the words written nearly 4 months ago, don’t hold true. Sadly, I cannot. And so, I can stay silent no longer…

To speak or not to speak. To write or not to write. To post or not to post.

That has been a very real debate in my head for the past month or more.

I don’t know where to start… how to start. I am after all, but one voice. One, white, privileged, female voice. What does what I think or what I have to say matter?

I’ve been drawn into the media frenzy like a fly in a bug zapper. I’ve been scrolling through Facebook and Twitter feeds with increasing bile.

I don’t want to watch it. I can’t help but watch it. I don’t want to read it. I can’t help but read it. I don’t want to feel it. I can’t help but feel it.

The anger. The pain. The helplessness. The shock. The frustration. The desperation. The anger. Did I say that already?

What is louder? The wailing of families forever devastated? The hate-mongering of news reporters? The vicious verbal vomit spewing from friend to friend, brother to sister, coworker to coworker, in an attempt to be right, to point fingers, to shame others for their opinions and feelings?

To feel or not to feel. To hate or not to hate. To love or not to love.

It’s so much easier not to feel, isn’t it? To ignore or turn a blind eye to the true and intense suffering of our fellow Americans. We read we shake our head, we may even offer up a silent prayer, but then we go back to our lives. After all, what do I, a suburban mom of 4, have in common with any of these victim’s families? Oh yeah. I’m a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a human being. I’d say that’s common ground. And yet…

A headline. A hashtag. That’s all we really remember.

Because if we dwell on more than that, we become consumed with hate; hate of the system, prejudice, profiling, police brutality, and the senseless murders of anyone different from us. Why is our system broken? Why is access to guns so easy? Why is racism still rearing its ugly head? And why doesn’t everyone see it?

If our choices were limited to ‘hate’ or ‘not feel’, I think many, many would choose to stay comfortably numb. To not allow the debilitating grief consuming other families, be our grief. But detachment breeds cynicism in some, naivety in others.

So what options are left? Love and action. And if we choose to love one another, really, honestly, and deeply love one another, then we are also called to act. To do something. Anything than sit idly by. Below are suggestions of specific actions that can be taken. There are also links to articles to read. That alone is action.

What does what I have to say matter anyway? Because I have a platform? Because I dare to speak? I’m too afraid not to! The silence is deafening.

Speak up. For God’s sake, please, please speak up.