To Spank Or Not To Spank: That is the Question

Does sparing the rod spoil the child?

First, to be clear, let’s begin by defining exactly what spanking is: Spanking is the act of striking a child on the behind, arms or legs with an open hand.

Anything beyond this constitutes physical child abuse.

Whip a child with a belt? That’s child abuse.

Whip a child with a “switch”? That’s child abuse.

Smack a child in the mouth, on the head or face? Child abuse.

Burn a child with a cigarette, iron, hot water? That’s child abuse.

Strike a child with any object? Child abuse.

Now that we are clear on the difference between spanking and abuse, let’s discuss what current research tells us about spanking a child before I share my own observations from decades of professional work experience in the area of mental health.

There are two camps of parental science on the issue of spanking; there is the minority perspective and the majority perspective. The minority perspective claims that spanking doesn’t cause harm as long as parents spank in a non-abusive way which is defined as “a couple of open-handed smacks on the butt.” Advocates of this position claim this to be “the most effective way to enforce cooperation with timeout in defiant 2 to 6 years-olds.”

A clinical psychologist, who is also a minister, meshes a religious orientation into the issue where he writes: “Unfortunately, each of us enters this world with desires that are selfish, unkind, and harmful to others and ourselves. Spanking can be one effective discipline option among several in a parents’ tool chest as they seek to steer children away from negative behaviors and guide them toward ultimately becoming responsible, healthy, happy adults.”

To be blunt, this type of thinking parallels burning women alive because of a warped religious induced belief that they are witches.

The minority perspective presumes that the child does not manifest any special concerns (i.e. neurodevelopmental disorders) that may account for defiant behavior such as Autism Spectrum Disorder including high functioning Asperger's, Intellectual Disability, ADHD, Learning Disability, Developmental Delay, or some form of Communication Disorder.

But how many 2–6-year-olds have been evaluated for these concerns? How many children are getting spanked for behaviors that are not within their capacity to control? How many children are getting spanked as punishment or discipline by frustrated parents for behaviors that are symptomatic of undiagnosed developmental issues, for behaviors that exist because the child has not received required professional intervention and treatment?

A parental attitude that assumes the child’s behavior reflects a religious orientation that “we enter the world with desires that are selfish” negates any course of pediatric inquiry that would uncover an existing neurodevelopmental need; Sparing the rod does not spoil the child, rather it adds injury to a pre-existing condition that has already been causing a developmental struggle for the child.

But aside from the potential threat that spanking amounts to blaming the victim for behavioral symptoms not open to self-regulation, the minority perspective assumes a state of psychological stability from the second actor in this drama; The Parent.

First and foremost, the minority perspective assumes that the parent is in complete emotional control, is measured at the moment of approach, and is “nurturing, reasonable, calm and unemotional.” Essentially, it assumes that the parent can administer an “unemotional, non-abusive spanking.” But how realistic is that? How many parents strike a child while being “unemotional?” And for those parents who appear able to pull this off, the idea of striking a child while being “calm and unemotional” strikes (no-pun intended) at something that is mentally dissociative, if not oddly psychotic.

Regarding the second camp, the majority perspective does not need to reach justification for spanking by merging with religious appeal or unrealistic parental emotional repertoires. Most research from years of data compilation is unequivocal; the act of spanking risks inducing a permanent state of psychological harm. Period.

In the most complete analysis to date on how spanking affects children, researchers at the University of Michigan reviewed over 50 years of research on spanking that involved over 160,000 children. The review observed that about 82 percent of children are spanked or receive physical discipline as punishment. The overwhelming result was that spanking is an ineffective way to discipline children and that its effects are nearly as harmful as punching. Spanking was found to be associated with negative outcomes:

1. Spanking was found to harm the relationship between a parent and child.

2. Spanking was found to be associated with antisocial behavior.

3. Spanking was associated with depression.

4. Spanking was associated with increased aggression.

5. Spanking was found associated with low self-esteem.

6. Spanking was found to be associated with anxiety in adults.

7. Spanking was associated with mental illness in adults.

8. Spanking was found to be associated with cognitive impairment and developmental difficulties.

9. Spanking may reduce the brain’s grey matter, the connective tissue between brain cells. This would impact intelligence and learning ability as well as sensory perception, speech, motor control, emotions, and memory.

10. Spanking teaches children to use physical aggression as a means to control others.

11. Adults who were spanked as children were more likely to use physical punishment with their own children.

Spanking teaches your child to fear you, not to listen to you or respect you. As the parent, you will be less able to reason with and set effective limits for your child.

Spanking breeds distrust. It teaches your child that when he/she makes mistakes, you’ll punish rather than give sympathetic guidance. It erodes trust and disrupts the bond between you and your child that allow him/her to be confident and flourish.

Spanking teaches that might makes right. If you spank, your child may learn that violence is the acceptable way to solve problems. Not only do studies show that children who are spanked are more likely to hit and fight with other children, studies also show that children who are hit or more likely to become violent adults.

Spanking lowers self-esteem. Studies have shown that hitting your child produces more than just physical pain, it can injure his/her sense of self. Studies have shown that regardless of how nurturing a family is, spanking always lowers self-esteem.

Sweden became the first nation to outlaw spanking in 1979. Since then, 30 countries have outlawed the practice. The United States is far behind. Children remain perceived as human property that serves parents egos.

But I was spanked and I turned out okay so why shouldn’t I give my kids some tough love?

How many things in our lives can we point to as being better and more efficient with increased knowledge than they were a decade or two ago? Years of research regarding the effects of spanking have produced far more knowledge regarding this form of corporal punishment than we ever knew before. Our parents may have loved us and they may have been wonderful, but if they knew what we know now, they might not have spanked us. Remember, the research shows that children who are physically punished by their parents are more likely to engage in violent, aggressive behavior, both as children and as adults. Why would any parent, armed with this knowledge, continue to perpetuate this archaic and outdated practice of child rearing?

“Papa don’t take no mess” (James Brown).

I have observed heated discussions on the Whoopi Goldberg led popular television program “The View” where the host and others have praised the glory of spanking to the high heavens for their success in life. The narrative goes something like this; “thank God my folks spanked me, it was the best thing for me, I am successful and here today because my momma didn’t spare the belt.”

These narratives always make me cringe because what is misunderstood by these celebrities, some of their viewers and other successful folk who hold dear the same perception, is that there success has been achieved despite being spanked, not because of it.

Regardless your position on the spanking debate, here is what I can tell you from my experience as a working mental health professional, Court appointed Trustor and forensic expert for the defense in parental termination matters:

I have interviewed convicted inmates inside State and Federal prisons in multiple locals over the past four decades. From Virginia to New York and all States in between. As part of my questioning I always ask about family history. What I have found, without fail, is that every single convict has stated that they were spanked or beaten as a child. Open hand, belt, switch, smacked, it did not matter. Spanking did not prevent them from indulgence in activities, starting at a young age, that led up to incarceration. As a result, I have concluded that people who claim that they are successful because they were spanked are wrong, the reality is that they succeeded despite being spanked. I have also come to recognize that parents and educators (some States still allow schools to do this) should never hit a child.

What are the alternatives to spanking?

The next generation of parenting that incorporates what the science now tells us will not think in terms of “alternatives.” Rather, they will look for antecedents and causation and address that. If this cannot be identified then the next step is to seek professional help, again, in the spirit of identifying the source that inspires a given negative behavior. Here’s how it breaks down:

1) The mantra is no hitting allowed. Hitting is not an act of nurturance, it’s an act of anger, revenge and frustration.

2) If the parent can identify the source of the behavioral malfeasance then the source should be removed with explanation to the child or the source can be substituted with something that doesn’t cause the negative behavior.

On the other hand, and this is of critical importance, if the parent cannot explain the reason for the negative behavior or the source that is driving the behavior, then have a pediatrician take a look. The doctor may determine a need for further referral to a specialist. Constant whining, being cranky, showing aggression, defiance and oppositional behaviors are symptoms of neurodevelopmental issues that require professional intervention. We must move away from the belief that hitting or spanking solves the problem, it may do the opposite and make the condition worse from a mental health perspective. For children/toddlers whose behaviors are found not to be associated with a developmental concern, talking, role modeling, timeouts, and again, removing the source or stimulus always works with parental patience. Lack patience? That’s on you, the parent.

3) Parents also must self-examine as to why they are hitting. Is it because the child dare challenge parental authority? That’s an ego issue. The child is of you but the child is not you. Reciprocity of aggression or immaturity on behalf of the parent does not teach the child right from wrong nor does it allow the child to make decisions that have favorable results. Parental guidance is what develops insight, not parental aggression.

4) Finally, at least here in the United States, it takes years if not decades for scientific advancement to filter into and integrate with the public domain and general culture. Legislation will facilitate this but that would require knowledgeable political bipartisanship that adheres to the science and not to cultural or religious indoctrinated belief.

In conclusion, my professional advice to parents is that sparing the rod does not spoil the child, rather, sparing the rod preserves trust, develops insight and creates a well balanced confident and responsible adult.

Thank you for reading.

© 2021 Andrew P. Brown III, PhD. All rights reserved.

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