To Retire Is To Expire

Summary

A 73-year-old workaholic shares his perspective on retirement, expressing a preference for staying active through various jobs, including DoorDashing and working as a movie extra, over the prospect of boredom that he associates with retirement.

Abstract

The author, at 73 years old, has a clear aversion to the idea of retirement, equating it with boredom and inactivity. With no spouse or children, he finds fulfillment in work, particularly in the unconventional roles of a bicycle-riding DoorDash delivery person in New York City and as a background actor in films and television. He reflects on the wisdom of a fellow older worker who asserts that "to retire is to expire," a sentiment that resonates deeply with him. Despite the physical demands and relatively low pay of his chosen work, he finds joy in the unpredictability and social interactions they offer. The author has a history of engaging jobs, including a 15-year stint as a musician, 15 years driving a cab, and 20 years selling advertising to prostitutes. He believes that retirement is only appealing to those who have endured unsatisfying jobs, which is not the case for him. He anticipates that he will continue to write, another passion of his, until the end of his life.

Opinions

The author views retirement as synonymous with boredom and lack of purpose.
He values staying active and engaged in work as a means to avoid idleness.
The author enjoys the social aspect and the element of surprise in his work as a DoorDash delivery person and movie extra.
He believes that one's attitude towards retirement is influenced by their satisfaction with their career.
The author equates the feeling of completing a hard day's work with an endorphin rush, indicating a strong sense of fulfillment from physical labor.
He has a positive outlook on aging and work, seeing his current jobs as enjoyable and sustainable until he is physically unable to continue.
The author's life philosophy is encapsulated in the doorman's quote, "To retire is to expire," which he has adopted as a personal mantra.

Confessions of a workaholic

Photo by Norbert Buduczki on Unsplash (My head on a bodybuilder if you were unsure.)

I have an old friend who once told me a funny joke about retirement. And it goes like this: You don’t want to get a haircut and fill the gas tank in your car on the same day because if you do, you won’t have anything to do the next.

If there’s one thing I want to avoid more than anything else at age 73, it’s boredom. And having never been married and with no children, I lack two of the great activities of retirees everywhere: hassling my progeny and doting on my grandchildren. Thus, it would be back to the old joke of getting my haircut too often and getting a dollar’s worth of gas for my gas tank rather than fill it if I hadn’t found ways to spend my time fruitfully.

Among other activities I’ve adopted to stare down ennui, I DoorDash on my pedal bicycle in New York City. On one of the now 6400 deliveries I’ve made without getting hurt or suffering a heart attack from overexertion, a doorman commented to me as I left the building where I’d just made a delivery, “You’re like me. I’m 69 years-old and still working. To retire is to expire,” said he while puffing on a cigarette.

I lingered for a few seconds bonding with my still-working fellow geriatric on the subject of working till the day you die until my phone lit again with another delivery. But I remember his words vividly.

The truth is that I like to work. So much so that I don’t just DoorDash to fill my days. I’m what’s called a background actor as well. That’s the fancy name. Colloquially, we’re called “extras.” Ya know — the people you barely see in movies and on television for a second.

It’s often tedious work and doesn’t pay that much ($176 for 10 hours). But you never know who you’ll meet on the set or what celebrity you’ll be within arm’s reach of.

With both, by the time I get home, I’ll be pretty much exhausted. And for me, there’s no better feeling than putting in a hard day’s work to come home and ease into a soft chair in front of the television or computer. I think it’s akin to the endorphin rush exercise nuts often cite. Whatever, it makes me feel good and puts money in my pocket. So what’s not to like?

I think that retirement appeals to people who’ve toiled at jobs they hated all their lives. Like factory work — or digging ditches — or picking up garbage. But I’ve almost always liked my jobs.

For 15 years, I was a musician. I fell in love with music at a very early age. And the affair goes on and on. I played with some shitty bands to make a living. Still, it was like having sex with a woman I wasn’t all that crazy for. It just wasn’t as good as it could have been. But good nonetheless.

Then I drove a cab for 15 years. Very gritty and stressful. But adventurous. And kind of like fishing (what’s gonna bite on the line next?) I’ve always loved fishing — and even worked as a mate on a commercial fishing boat briefly.

Next was 20 years of selling advertising to prostitutes, some extremely attractive physically. Nice work for a single hetero male if he can get it! I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

At some point, I’ll grow too old and infirm to DoorDash — and even do movie extra work. But what I’m doing right now (writing on a computer)? I’m pretty sure I’ll be physically able to do this till the day I die.

And so, I won’t ever retire. After all and in the words of one sagacious doorman, “To retire is to expire.” And those are words I currently live by.