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Abstract

It helps to be able to be part of the conversation and maybe the solutions.Find your place. Find a place that makes you feel whole and centered. Where you are calm and at peace. When I am next to the ocean and the sun is on my face, I feel like my babies are back napping in my lap or I’m sitting talking to my Dad. Find a spot that brings you that solace. Don’t make it too specific so you can get there in an emergency. For instance, the beach, the woods, a field, or by a river. This way you can pack it up and bring it anywhere.Hold your head high. You are you. You are a beautiful quilt of all of those who came before you. You are a badass. You got this. You have done it before and you’ll do it again. Whatever it is, you are capable. You are more than capable. Do you know who you are?Laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh often. You are hilarious. Keep your sense of humor. Laugh at yourself. When all else fails, laugh. It can only get better, right? See the humor in all of it, because it’s there.Fight for the underdog. Continue to be kind. Continue to be a voice for those who need your help. Continue to support those who need your support. Remember, we are no better than anyone else but we are better for helping those who we can. My only goal for my children was to raise good citizens. Keep up the great work.Continue to be you, but learn to tell a story. For the love of God, learn to tell a story! And a joke. These things will serve you well. You never know when you will need them. They can get you out of a jam or catch someone’s attention.Know your worth. If you doubt it for one second remember how much I value you. Love yourself. Love yourself hard. Love yourself so much that no one will ever be able to make you doubt that.There will be heartbreak. There will be loss. The loss will be theirs. It will hurt and it will feel like it will hurt forever. It won’t. But it will be terrible. Go ahead and feel it. Do what you have to do. Drink the wine. Eat the ice cream. Spill the tears. Do not dial the phone, type the text, and do not break anything that is not yours. Do not raise your hand to another human being. Go through the pain and eventually you will be able to remember the good times again.Same goes for death. Even mine. It will be horrible. It will be sad. However, don’t forget to celebrate. Celebrate how lucky we were to have had each other and a great life together. Death is terrible but it’s inevitable. Life is what you make of it. Make it fantastic. For that reason, we must celebrate those who make ours better. We only get one life and we are so lucky we spent ours together.Whew. Ok. DANCE. Dance

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as often as possible. You are going to think I am crazy but dance around the house. Dance in the supermarket. One day the the music you are listening to now is going to be the oldies they are piping into the canned goods. Dance. Dance in the rain. If there’s a good song on the radio, pull the car over and dance. Set your life to music because it’s just better when it has a soundtrack.You need a firm handshake, three references, and an interview outfit ready at all times.You need a little bit of savings, good credit, and to never live beyond your means.Love your brothers. Stay in touch with Clive and keep an eye on Will. He needs you as his confidante. Siblings are a huge pain in the ass but it’s like God knew you needed a team.The longer you put off driving, the scarier it gets. Trust me. In fact, the longer you put off anything, the worse it gets…bills, taxes, doctor’s appointments. Anything you don’t want to do, just do it, because the longer you wait, the worse it gets.Stay genuine. Be you. Be honest. Lying is way too much work and you are only as good as your word.Despite what people tell you, it is okay to talk about the difficult topics: sex, religion, politics, money, racism, misogyny, etc. In fact, talk about them. Talk about them a lot. The person next to you may be making more money. It’s not okay. There is so much that is not okay. Our systems are broken. It is not going to change by sweeping it under the carpet. Speak change into existence. Let your voice be heard. Let your voice make change.Criticism is hard. It will come at you in all forms from all kinds of people. Consider all criticism, feedback…take what you need, implement it, throw away the extra, and move on. Don’t be insulted, be empowered.When you find what makes you happy, do it. When it doesn’t make you happy anymore, stop. Follow your passion and work to live, don’t live to work.Take joy in the day to day. Make adventures. Make memories.Remember, you are everything I hoped you’d be….smart, funny, beautiful, an excellent dancer, humble, kind, considerate, amazing….I could go on and on, butMore importantly, know you are liked. I have to love you. But I like you. I choose to hang out with you. You make me happy. I respect you. I enjoy your company. I can’t imagine a day on this earth without you. There is nothing you can’t tell me or come to me for. Being an adult doesn’t mean you won’t always be my baby. Happy prom, High School Graduation, and 18th Birthday!I love you more than bacon and beach days!Mom</article></body>

To My Daughter, Lucy, As She Plunges Into Adulthood

Know you are loved. When the world get’s tough, and it will, know that you are loved ferociously with all my heart and that I would tilt the whole thing on its axis if I thought it would make things better for you at any point. I love everything about you: your brains, your beauty, your confidence, your sense of humor, your temper…every.freaking.thing. So, when all else fails and it seems like the whole world is against you, know that your mother loves you and has loved you from the moment she found out you’d be part of our family.

I am so very proud of you and all that you have accomplished and I am so looking forward to your life as an adult. College is going to open many doors for you. You are going to open many doors for you. You are going to continue to wow me with your amazing work ethic, grace, and charm. Here are a few things I wish my mother told me as I moved from childhood to adulthood:

Travel. There is a whole world outside of ours. There are things to see and people to meet. Take every opportunity you get to see every corner of it and that includes the country we live in.

Choose your friends wisely and let them choose you. Your friends now may not be your friends forever and your friends forever may not be around now. Think about what you want in good friendships and be that to other people. Good people will gravitate to you. Ignore everything I said before. Talk to strangers. Hear their stories. Value them and learn from them. Collect people. They are great to have. Trust me and look around. We have some great ones.

The other mothers are going to tell their kids to wear sunblock. Do, but also find a great bronzer and a great mascara. Those and a lip gloss could carry you through anything.

Find your style. Be you. You have the jeans you like. Try new things. Try new colors. Try and try and try until something clicks and you find the look for you. It could take a few months or it could take a few decades but it will be a lot of fun figuring it out.

Read. There is nothing like a good book. They are like old friends. You can return to them anytime you want and they don’t get mad that you left them on a shelf. Honestly, I don’t care what you read. Read newspapers, magazines, or the internet (maybe my blog though). Just stay informed. It helps to be able to be part of the conversation and maybe the solutions.

Find your place. Find a place that makes you feel whole and centered. Where you are calm and at peace. When I am next to the ocean and the sun is on my face, I feel like my babies are back napping in my lap or I’m sitting talking to my Dad. Find a spot that brings you that solace. Don’t make it too specific so you can get there in an emergency. For instance, the beach, the woods, a field, or by a river. This way you can pack it up and bring it anywhere.

Hold your head high. You are you. You are a beautiful quilt of all of those who came before you. You are a badass. You got this. You have done it before and you’ll do it again. Whatever it is, you are capable. You are more than capable. Do you know who you are?

Laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh often. You are hilarious. Keep your sense of humor. Laugh at yourself. When all else fails, laugh. It can only get better, right? See the humor in all of it, because it’s there.

Fight for the underdog. Continue to be kind. Continue to be a voice for those who need your help. Continue to support those who need your support. Remember, we are no better than anyone else but we are better for helping those who we can. My only goal for my children was to raise good citizens. Keep up the great work.

Continue to be you, but learn to tell a story. For the love of God, learn to tell a story! And a joke. These things will serve you well. You never know when you will need them. They can get you out of a jam or catch someone’s attention.

Know your worth. If you doubt it for one second remember how much I value you. Love yourself. Love yourself hard. Love yourself so much that no one will ever be able to make you doubt that.

There will be heartbreak. There will be loss. The loss will be theirs. It will hurt and it will feel like it will hurt forever. It won’t. But it will be terrible. Go ahead and feel it. Do what you have to do. Drink the wine. Eat the ice cream. Spill the tears. Do not dial the phone, type the text, and do not break anything that is not yours. Do not raise your hand to another human being. Go through the pain and eventually you will be able to remember the good times again.

Same goes for death. Even mine. It will be horrible. It will be sad. However, don’t forget to celebrate. Celebrate how lucky we were to have had each other and a great life together. Death is terrible but it’s inevitable. Life is what you make of it. Make it fantastic. For that reason, we must celebrate those who make ours better. We only get one life and we are so lucky we spent ours together.

Whew. Ok. DANCE. Dance as often as possible. You are going to think I am crazy but dance around the house. Dance in the supermarket. One day the the music you are listening to now is going to be the oldies they are piping into the canned goods. Dance. Dance in the rain. If there’s a good song on the radio, pull the car over and dance. Set your life to music because it’s just better when it has a soundtrack.

You need a firm handshake, three references, and an interview outfit ready at all times.

You need a little bit of savings, good credit, and to never live beyond your means.

Love your brothers. Stay in touch with Clive and keep an eye on Will. He needs you as his confidante. Siblings are a huge pain in the ass but it’s like God knew you needed a team.

The longer you put off driving, the scarier it gets. Trust me. In fact, the longer you put off anything, the worse it gets…bills, taxes, doctor’s appointments. Anything you don’t want to do, just do it, because the longer you wait, the worse it gets.

Stay genuine. Be you. Be honest. Lying is way too much work and you are only as good as your word.

Despite what people tell you, it is okay to talk about the difficult topics: sex, religion, politics, money, racism, misogyny, etc. In fact, talk about them. Talk about them a lot. The person next to you may be making more money. It’s not okay. There is so much that is not okay. Our systems are broken. It is not going to change by sweeping it under the carpet. Speak change into existence. Let your voice be heard. Let your voice make change.

Criticism is hard. It will come at you in all forms from all kinds of people. Consider all criticism, feedback…take what you need, implement it, throw away the extra, and move on. Don’t be insulted, be empowered.

When you find what makes you happy, do it. When it doesn’t make you happy anymore, stop. Follow your passion and work to live, don’t live to work.

Take joy in the day to day. Make adventures. Make memories.

Remember, you are everything I hoped you’d be….smart, funny, beautiful, an excellent dancer, humble, kind, considerate, amazing….I could go on and on, but

More importantly, know you are liked. I have to love you. But I like you. I choose to hang out with you. You make me happy. I respect you. I enjoy your company. I can’t imagine a day on this earth without you. There is nothing you can’t tell me or come to me for. Being an adult doesn’t mean you won’t always be my baby. Happy prom, High School Graduation, and 18th Birthday!

I love you more than bacon and beach days!

Mom