To My Brother, John

On his birthday.

“Because brothers don’t let each other wander in the dark alone.”

— Jolene Perry

My brother died 20 years ago.

Today is his birthday.

I miss him.

There were three of us, a tripod. I was the middle child. When you remove a leg from a tripod it will fall over. When our brother died our tripod tipped over. It took a while to right the tripod once we understood he was still present.

We talk about death a lot. We probably don’t talk about it enough, however. We tend to avoid the topic with the belief that with avoidance it will never come.

Death always comes.

And it isn’t always fair.

Death is quite a bit harder when it happens to someone who was young. There is a natural progression to death: grandparents, parents and then the children. When this path is broken it throws off the balance of the world.

Balance is too cold of a word. It is more painful.

I don’t write here for pity nor under the belief that I have been singled out by the universe. I write here just to remember him today although I think of him every day.

No one is immune to death. It happens every second of every day. We all have experienced loss. I am sorry for everyone’s loss.

There is perhaps some comfort in knowing that death is the great equalizer.

But it doesn’t make the pain any less.

John was a good person, a good brother. He had his flaws. We all do. But he was my older brother, perhaps the only real hero of my life. We fought but he defended me. We argued but we fished together. We saw the world differently but we swam in the Amazon together.

We were unique and different. And we were bound as brothers.

Today is also one of my best friend’s birthdays. A few years back she also lost her brother. Perhaps it is a peculiar way the universe connects us, allowing us to help and support each other.

I could write more on my brother. I actually made a book celebrating his life for our family. We all can write books about those we love.

Their books sometimes become bigger once they pass.

Happy Birthday, John. I miss you and love you.

Thank you for still being here for me. For us.

Love. Your brother. chris

🙏 🦋 ❤️

I write about education, life, family alcoholism, and my time around the world. If you enjoyed my story you may sign up here to receive an email for new articles. I will never ever bother you or try to sell you anything. I promise.

If you would like to join Medium and support writers, please click here using my link.