Summary

The article "To Love or Not to Love — The Choice Might Not Be Yours" explores the dual nature of love as both a source of profound joy and deep pain, suggesting that the pursuit of love may be an intrinsic human drive despite its inherent risks.

Abstract

The article delves into the complex nature of love, acknowledging its ability to evoke intense emotions ranging from euphoria to devastation. It contrasts idealized portrayals of love in media and fairytales with the harsh realities of heartbreak and failed relationships. Despite the high stakes and statistical odds against lasting unions, humans remain compelled to seek love, often disregarding logic and personal risk. The piece references Plato's "Symposium" to offer a philosophical perspective on why individuals are drawn to love, proposing that the desire for completeness is a fundamental aspect of human nature.

Opinions

Love is depicted as a powerful force that can lead to both the highest highs and the lowest lows in life.
The societal and cultural narratives about love, such as those found in fairytales and media, can create unrealistic expectations about relationships.
The experience of love gone wrong, including heartbreak and the complexities of divorce, can leave individuals feeling vulnerable and disillusioned.
Despite understanding the risks and having access to self-help advice about self-love and independence, people are still compelled to seek romantic love.
The article suggests that the pursuit of love may be a deep-seated human need, referencing the Greek myth from Plato's "Symposium" about the quest to find one's other half.

To Love or Not to Love — The Choice Might Not Be Yours

We are inexplicably and fatefully drawn to the pursuit of love

Love is scary.

It’s messy and confusing. It can turn your world upside down, consume you, and leave you far more vulnerable than you’d like to be.

It can also be the most amazing feeling in the world. It fills you with warmth and positivity that leaves you glowing. You feel like you’re walking on sunshine and nothing can burst your bubble.

How can this one thing — love — be both one of the best and worst things in our lives?

You may think you know what love is.

If we were to trust everything we see on TV — or social media — love is the meeting of two souls who are meant for each other.

Happy couples strolling along beaches, hand-in-hand with the occasional gentle embrace or soft touch. Romantic dinner dates where the rest of the world disappears and the loving couple only has eyes for each other.

Or if you were raised on Disney fairytales like I was, love is about finding your Prince Charming and being the perfect fit for that glass slipper. It’s the fantasy of living out “happily ever after” and being the princess in your own personal narrative.

Unfortunately, we needn’t look far to see the not-so-fairytale ending that many relationships end in.

Heartbreak and tragedy, righteous indignation and bleeding hearts. The confusing turmoil of emotions that’s equal parts hurt and anger.

Love gone wrong can leave you feeling vulnerable, raw, and wounded. You lose faith in the fairytale endings and the next time love comes knocking, you’re a little bit more guarded and protective of your heart.

And it’s not just your heart that you’re leaving on the table.

We all know that person who’s caught in a difficult, bitter divorce — whether it’s about the kids, the money, or whatever dignity is left at the end of the day, it’s not a pretty sight.

These two notions of love — love as a fairytale and love-gone-wrong as a nightmare — are at odds with each other.

The statistics tell us that the odds of a “successful love story” are a coin-toss at best. And yet, even the most risk-averse non-gamblers seem willing to roll the dice when it comes to love.

Rationally, we can believe that we control our own narratives and that we can be perfectly happy on our own. We can live our lives free to pursue our wildest dreams without needing to sacrifice for or accommodate another person.

Logically, we can understand that we must first love ourselves and be happy with who we are. There are ample self-help advice and first-hand stories about the dangers of deriving your happiness from someone else completely.

And yet, we seem inexplicably — and sometimes fatefully — drawn to this pursuit of love. We’re willing to put everything on the line in the name of love. Logic and statistics do nothing to dissuade us from this path.

Perhaps the Ancient Greeks grasped something we’ve forgotten in our modern age.

According to Plato’s Symposium, humans originally had two faces, four arms, and four legs. They were strong, powerful, and ambitious. Fearing them, Zeus split humans into two halves and doomed us to spend our days forever attempting to find our other halves in an attempt to heal this “wound”.

While scientists may have a thing or two to say refuting this as the origin of homo sapiens, this myth nevertheless is a poignant tale reflecting our deep-seated need for love.

Thank you Riku Arikiri for this prompt (“Do you willingly take risks, knowing you might fail regarding matters of love?”) and Diana C. for hosting this lovely community!