To Know Yourself Better: Look at How You Treat the World

Understanding ourselves and the people we are sharing the world with is pivotal for living a good life.

I was in a sandwich shop recently when a disgruntled customer started SCREAMING at the woman behind the counter. I mean, spit flying, veins popping. I was so taken aback it took me a minute to recognize what was actually happening.

I mean, it’s sandwiches we’re dealing with here, people.

This is an extreme example, but its a situation I’ve witnessed plenty of in my life. It’s the interactions that make you pause afterward and ask, “What just happened? Did I say something to offend this person? What is going on?”

A lot of interactions I’ve had over the years have left me wondering if I did or said something wrong, or if there was some hidden meaning behind the actions I just witnessed, or sometimes displayed.

I always try to be self-aware and recognize how my actions and words affect other people, so this was an important puzzle for me to decode.

The truth of the matter is how people talk to you and treat you is never about you — it’s always about them.

And the same goes for us.

Our outward expression is almost always a mirror of our internal landscape.

What We Say Isn’t Always What We Mean

There’s fascinating research that sheds light on the psychology behind human behavior in this regard. Numerous studies suggest that the way individuals engage with the world around them is heavily influenced by their own internal state- meaning that we project outwardly how we feel inside.

I am definitely guilty of this.

When I am having a bad day, in a rough time in my life, or dealing with something stressful or overwhelming, I am not super great to be around.

I have thankfully worked hard to recognize this behavior in myself and try to keep a distance between society and myself during these times.

And it seems like I am not alone in this self-protective strategy. In essence, people often project their inner thoughts and emotions onto their external environment, including their interactions with others.

A 2015 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with low self-esteem tend to engage in more negative social interactions. These interactions aren’t necessarily a reflection of the person they’re interacting with, but rather a manifestation of their own insecurities and self-doubt.

What kind of glasses are you wearing?

We’ve all heard of rose-colored glasses. The people who don them see all of the good everywhere they look. What about those who wear the dark tinted glasses that color your perception of the world in a darker hue?

People who are constantly negative and pointing out faults and problems in everyone and everything around them are really just expressing their viewpoint of themselves.

Aren’t we all guilty of this sometimes?

Consider this: That person who seemed overly critical or quick to find fault in others probably battles heavily with their own inner critic.

And the person who dumps on your big idea or new pursuit most likely feels inadequate or insecure in their own abilities to achieve more in their own life.

These are common examples of age-old defense mechanisms that are in place to protect ourselves.

Projecting negativity onto others can serve as a coping mechanism and a way for individuals to temporarily relieve their own emotional burden. By redirecting it outward, it gives a momentary respite from all of the negative judgment and pressure they put on themselves.

Misery loves company.

It’s like crabs in a barrel. When people bring you down, they can feel briefly in comfort or in company- that someone is at their level. This is the same reason why surrounding yourself with the right people when trying to learn a new skill or start a business is so critical. If not, the naysayers and their shitty self-deprecating slogans are going to start seeping into your psyche.

Soaking it in Whether You Like it or Not

This is backed by an intriguing study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2016 that delves into the concept of “emotional contagion.” It basically says that people can unintentionally absorb and mimic the emotions of those around them.

I can attest to this. I have seen it over and over again.

If someone is carrying around a bundle of negativity, it’s like a contagious cloud that affects not only their mood but also how they interact with others.

Ever walked into a room and without even speaking to a single person you just feel like there are bad vibes in there? Yeah, me too.

Environments are important.

Think about it: if you’re feeling great, isn’t it more likely you’ll spread positivity and happiness, or excitement and joy?

You know the feeling: You’re on top of the world, super pumped about your latest win, and you are just emanating positivity and good vibrations.

You feel like you can accomplish anything.

On the flip side, when you’re having a rough day, you’ve got a tornado of negativity swirling around in your head and something nasty oozing from you. It’s easy to unknowingly share that negativity even if you don’t mean to. Nobody likes that.

Each of us wrestles with our own demons sometimes.

It’s normal. It’s expected. We’re human.

So be careful not to step in the ring with others when they are in a bout of their own. And try not to tap anyone else into your battle when it’s your turn. Life happens in waves- you’ve probably been there before, and you’ll probably be there again.

When we can genuinely grasp this concept, we can start to navigate social interactions with an upgraded outlook. Instead of taking things so personally, you can develop a sense of understanding that allows you to see beyond the surface.

It doesn’t mean you have to tolerate mistreatment by others, but it does mean you can approach situations with a more compassionate perspective and therefore oftentimes generate a better outcome.

What Your Worldview Says about You

Next time you are faced with or witness something outlandish or negative, just take a moment to think about what the person might be going through.

It could be something all of us have dealt with: financial stress, physical ailments, or relationship issues. Or it could be something super heavy like a child with a terminal illness. You just never know.

It’s not our job to ask or judge, but everyone benefits by recognizing that we are all having the human experience together.

Understanding and appreciating this ‘mirror landscape’ theory helps me be more a tolerant, compassionate, and understanding person as well as member of society.

Even when I am met with a scowl or bad vibe, I have found it increasingly easier to let it slide, smile back, or even respond with positivity.

Because I know that person is just dealing with something tough, like we all do.

And I am beyond grateful for the people who have smiled back at me when I needed it most.

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