To Know What You Want, You Must First Want to Know

Figuring it out was the hard part.

How lucky am I to have the world at my feet and to realize what I choose for myself is within my grasp? All I must do is name it. It sounds easy, but is it? So many of us don’t know what we want. We think we do, but when we’re left with nowhere to go but commit to our dream, we flail. I have a vision, and I know what I want, but I may never get there, for I am my obstacle.

Naming the Vision

I have a spiritual mentor. We’ll call her Lucy, who entered my life at the optimum time. As I began embracing her guidance, my psychiatrist of twenty-nine years died, leaving me yearning for answers on how to control my anxiety and lead a fulfilled life. It was a tall glass to fill, but we were both ready for the challenge.

I have committed the last two years to this search, recognizing its lifelong. None of us is an easy fix because as soon as we achieve one goal, we find another. Goals are not the dream; they are steppingstones.

“Goals may give focus, but dreams give power.” — John C. Maxwell.

So, what am I striving for and what must I do to get there?

After a year of writing on Medium, I have put my wish to write a children’s picture book on hold. However, I haven’t given up on this goal, I just pushed it to the wayside for now until COVID quiets and hands-on research with children becomes possible.

In front of my class of twenty-five, when Lucy asked us to admit what it was we wanted, I surprised myself with my answer.

“I want to be a bestselling author,” I said.

This disclosure surprised me, but the idea grew on me as I sat with it. Then fear set it and it was then I knew I was on the right track.

I Know What I Want, Now What?

I left my meeting with a full heart and a purpose. It feels good to know what we want and to believe in our gut we can get there. But what were these prickly sensations I was feeling on my skin and the weight in my chest? We’ll call it eagerness. But what about the queasiness in my stomach and the lump in my throat? I’ve felt it before — it’s born from self-doubt.

“I am going to be famous one day,” I whispered to my inner critic. “And you will not stop me.”

I was sure I heard her chuckle and realized convincing myself would not be easy.

To Make It to My Vision, I’m Going to Need a Shield

The next day, I was on the phone with my daughter, happily chatting away about all things wonderful, when I told her about my epiphany.

“Brianna, I surprised myself last night. I told everyone I wanted to be a bestselling author, but you know what? I don’t think that’s the real vision. And to be honest, I’m not sure I want it.”

Well, that felt good as the weight lifted off my chest. I had taken my dream, unpacked it, set it aside for safekeeping until my next meeting. Then, the plan was to give it back and name a new goal that was easier to swallow.

But Brianna wouldn’t hear of it. Instead, she wanted to know why the change of heart.

I gave her my list.

• I’d be in the spotlight.
• I’d have to give speeches.
• I’d have to fly across the globe.
• Everyone would know me.

My daughter’s reply was blunt.

“So, it’s not that you don’t want to be a bestselling author. It’s your fear of public speaking and flying that’s standing in your way and you’re allowing it to crush your dreams.”

And she was right. The vision hadn’t changed. I’d always wanted to be noticed — to make a difference and to stroke my ego, but fear stood in my way, and it was preventing me from clear thought.

“Maybe you wouldn’t have to travel and you could speak to the public through Zoom,” Brianna said.

And that was when I realized I had options. My mindset had shown me only one way my vision could look, but there were choices.

Don’t Give Up on Your Dream

I am currently in the barter stage of sticking to my vision. I am making a list of the pros and cons to confirm what I named for myself is the ideal goal to pursue. It’s a lot of work, but I know I’m up for the challenge.

Still, if we question what we name for ourselves, we will find reasonable excuses for not pursuing it. I don’t want to be that person who quits before I’ve even started.

I know deep down, I will commit to the dream of writing a bestseller despite the work it will entail. However, I recognize it will take smaller goals and benchmarks to achieve this vision, and thankfully, I’ve got Lucy, Brianna, and a whole writing community behind me.

I’m not the first, nor will I be the last to name what I want, and then backpedal because of fear. The pit in my stomach and lump in my throat is still there, but intuition tells me I’m on the right track. The dream may morph, alter, or veer along its path to fruition, but in the end, I will have a finished product, and I will have done myself proud.

We can’t know where we want to go until we name what we want.

In the words of Tony Robbins,

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.”

Does anyone care to join me?

I’d like to introduce you to Liberty Forrest, Author and her well-written story about impatience and happiness.