A Haibun
To Heal the Most Imprisoned Heart
Although forming connections to others comes with certain risks, when we dare to do so, the potential for gain is far greater than what we chance losing.
Troubled waters, angry swollen, explode and froth in frenzied seeking. She sits just beyond reach of their frigid longing. In chilled aggression they approach, they thrust and geyser, rage and spit. An effort to affront, to torment. Forlorn and furious, at nights long awakening, they envy stars sensed superior hanging so certain in velvet sky. Radiantly confident, moon’s constant company to stars jeweled countenance, the waves begrudge. With crashing cries they shout their jealousy, born of desire to be attentions sole guarantor. For shouldn’t gaze of redolent lovers and individuals walking late to muse on life’s most burdened path first be caught by close by power and show of this unbridled strength? All come drawn by out-swept noise projected from cracked cement pier. So easily overcome, it’s walkable length none dare transverse lest swept to sea they wish to risk. But when they come, the pounding sound seems not to register and skyward all they lift their eyes.
Surging chaos she studies til subtle pattern clear to mind becomes, and hears within the desperate cries hidden beneath the fury. Closing distance, each step an eternity, she times movement to the barely perceptible secret they do not want discovered, which would render them predictable, followed right of sovereignty lost. Letting them take comfort in self perceived authority, though held out too deliberate, too obvious, shouting in staged whisper, “Look at me,” that floats above the cacophony that shouts, “We care not for you, nor your attentions.”
Toes daring the boundary, waves whipped to wicked white, which without warning blow could rise and knock her back, to strike concrete hard. Like breaking a horse, her presence stays quiet, despite sand pawed in preparation of readied charge. A note of fear meant to intimidate, to make afraid, to drive away and prevent threat of relating, of connecting, bonding, joining. It’s the terror felt with intimate other, the risk of abandoned.
Inching forward, to reach without reaching, and not threaten skittish waters, each change fluid and unseen, charged air diffused. The flood of waters stroke pink tipped toes. Pretending not to notice, eyes held to horizon firm, she gives slight movement, almost imperceptible. Putting weight into her heels she pushes upward so water can surround and grasp. It is but small victory in alteration but thereby is connection built.
tamed though not foreseen belonging to another calms the depths within
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