To Heal Is To Forgive.
To all the people who are on a journey of healing
I remember crying in the middle of working out. It is not because the workout routine is painful (it is painful, actually), it just remembering the old me who has been hurting a lot. I never thought that I’m finally got out of that dark phase. I never thought of coming out alive. The idea of me working out is so overwhelmed. I’m so happy and proud of myself. Last year, it is so hard to wake up in the mornings. I’m glad I decided to heal myself this year. The only person who can save you is YOU. Healing is a process and I am in one.
“Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” Charles Bukowski
To heal is to forgive.
- Forgive people who hurt you
Who comes to your mind? They must hurt you a lot, right? I know, it is impossible to forgive them after everything they have done to you. True, some people don’t deserve your forgiveness because they will keep on hurting you even more. You have to understand. It’s not for them, honey. It’s for you. Forgive them not because they deserve that; forgive them because you deserve that. You deserve peace. You deserve to heal. They don’t worth it. They don’t matter. Don’t waste your time holding grudges and wishing bad things happen to them. The best revenge is to not care at all. Just pretend that they do not even exist. It’s hard but trust me, sooner or later, what they give, they will get back. Let it go. Move on with your life.
2. Forgive your parents
Some of us were not lucky to born in a healthy household. Some of us were born in a toxic environment where we spent our childhood watched our parents fighting every day. We have to see our dads hit and abuse our moms. We have to witness the tears, screaming, and violence with our eyes. As a little kid, no matter how much you hate to see that, there is nothing you can do except watch. It’s so disappointing because if we have a choice we wouldn’t want to be in a toxic family. But again, who wants? Every night, you’re wishing that you have better parents than your parents. Listen, no matter how much you wish that, your parents will always be your parents. You have to accept that. To heal from your childhood trauma, you have to forgive your parents. Forgive them for not being how you expect them to be. Forgive them for not loving you the way you want them to. Forgive them for abusing you mentally and physically. Just remember that your parents also have their childhood trauma and they never heal from it. We don’t know what they were going through when they were kids that make them ruin your childhood. Do you want your future kids to feel the same way as you were? No? Then, heal. Forgive them and free yourself from your childhood trauma.
3. Forgive yourself
This is the hardest. I don’t know why we always put so much pressure on ourselves. Why we always put ourselves last? Human makes mistakes. Everyone in this world makes mistakes. That’s in our nature. When we were young, there are a lot of stupid things that we have done. Maybe in high school, you betray your friend’s trust that makes the friendship break, you cheated behind your partner’s back, you are addicted to drugs, and hurt your family because of your addiction. There are a lot of things that we regret doing in the past. Some part of you are still grieving and regretting and you wish that if you can turn back the time, you will not do it. You may have the worst past. You may be the worst person ever back then but you still can create a better future for yourself. Don’t dwell too much on your past. Even if you cry a river, you can’t change it. Focus on the present because what you do now will determine how your future will be. Forgive yourself. Don’t blame yourself too much. The fact that you want to change and become better shows that you are a good person. No one has the right to say that you don’t deserve to be a better person just because you’re the worst person back then. You’re capable of change. You’re capable of becoming your higher self.
“All healing is first a healing of the heart.” — Carl Townsend
Healing is weird. Some days, you feel like you are okay and some other days, one memory pops up, and there you are, laying on a bed crying. Healing is a process, honey. Take your time. I’m here with you. Life is too short to be sad and worry all the time. We only have one life, make the best out of it, okay?