To Change Yourself Quicker, Try Writing an “Identity Manifesto”

You’re a human being. Not a human doing.

“Okay. Let today be the last day I smoke, and I won’t touch a cigarette from tomorrow.”

My father had taken my brother and I to some Jain monks who were residing in our city at the time. Whenever we visit them, they always give us some instructions on how to live life. Actually, they’re more than instructions. They’re like vows or oaths to never do something in life. At the time, the monk asked us to promise never to steal.

After our vows were done, through some destined energy, I said, “Ask my father to vow to stop smoking.” My father’s face grew pale. He laughed nervously and tried to put on a brave face.

The older monk put forth his argument. He said, “Consider quitting. You’ve been smoking for years now. You have two kids. Don't you want to set the right example for them?”

My father didn’t speak for 10 seconds, trying to find the words to defend his addiction. However, out of immense respect for the monk, he couldn’t say anything in his defence. He turned to me and asked, “What should I do?” I said, “Quit. You’ve wanted to for so long. Get it over with.”

That’s when he said to the monk, “Okay. Let today be the last day I smoke, and I won’t touch a cigarette from tomorrow.” This happened 3 months ago, and he hasn’t smoked since. This was the story of how my father quit 35 years of smoking in a little over 35 seconds.

Having thought about why he was able to do that, two reasons emerged.

• His faith in religion and his respect for the monk, which enabled him to pull the trigger.
• An identity shift where he mentally became a non-smoker in those 35 seconds which enabled him to stick to his vow.

We cannot talk about or even replicate faith. However, this article is about how we can use the power of identity shifts to bring true change in our lives. Let’s dive in.

Why People Fail to Change

My father had wanted to quit smoking for a while before that day. However, he never could. He kept telling himself and others that he couldn’t do it. He kept identifying himself as a smoker. Which is why even though he tried to cut down, his daily cigarette number went right back up and even overshot at times.

In his TED talk, Benjamin Hardy explains why this happens. People fail to change because they try to change their behaviours without changing their identity. Gesticulating, Benjamin says —

If you keep your identity down here (wrong identity) and are trying to act up here (desired behaviour), you are acting in conflict with how you see yourself and that doesn’t work.

My father tried to quit smoking (the desired behaviour), but he still identified with himself as a smoker (the wrong identity). Which is why, until that day, he couldn’t quit smoking. This is also the reason that things like 30-days diets don’t work. Because you’re not really changing as a person when you try a 30-day magical fat-torching diet.

How Real Change Occurs

Real change occurs when you change your identity. This aligns your identity with your desired behaviour, and you’re no longer acting in conflict to how you see yourself. Benjamin says —

Your story about who you are and how you see yourself is generally a direct correlation of how you perform in the world.

When we were with the monks, an identity shift occurred in my father’s brain. Mentally, he became a non-smoker even though he was going to spend the rest of the day smoking his last cigarettes ever. However, this identity shift enabled him to quit smoking from the next day once and for all.

To sum up –

• We usually try to change our behaviour before we change our identity. That creates a conflict with our ego, which prevents real change.
• To manifest real change in life, identity shifts have to precede any desired behaviour shifts.

Write an Identity Manifesto

Understanding the concept of identity change, I decided to write my own identity manifesto. For instance, in my desire to be athletically fit, I formed the following identities —

• I’m the kind of guy who does not use elevators. I like taking the stairs.
• I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t miss workouts.
• I’m the kind of guy who does not eat sugar or fried food except for once a week.

In my desire to have a better relationship with my girlfriend, I formed the following identities —

• I don’t use the words ‘never’ and ‘always’ when I’m in a fight. This is because relationship psychologists suggest avoiding using such extreme words in a fight.
• I don’t take arguments to bed, and I wake up with a fresh perspective.

And I know those examples sound self-centred. But that is the point. You need to attach these identities to your ego so much so that even the thought of breaking those identities hurts your ego. Since I formed these identities, I’ve really changed as a person.

Here’s how you can write your own identity manifesto as well. You can do it digitally or even in your journal. But since it’s going to be something you’re going to keep adding to, you should do it digitally.

Form Categories

Categories will help you keep it organised. Form categories like —

• Fitness
• Career
• Relationship
• Financial Life, etc.

Form Reinforcable Habit-Focused Identities

Don’t form identities that are abstract and are hard to reinforce. For instance, — “I’m a guy who is financially wise.” This identity doesn’t tell you exactly what to do and is hence hard to reinforce.

On the other hand, a habit-focused identity like, “I’m the kind of guy who invests 20% of my earnings every single month without fail.” directly tells you what to do and hence is enforceable.

Protect Your Identity in Decisive Moments

Say amazon sends you a notification recommending you to buy the latest Macbook. And you’ve just received your salary as well. You could buy the Mac, but it would prevent you from investing 20% of your salary. What do you do?

Both the external world and your internal desire for instant gratification will want you to break your identity. But don’t let that happen. If you break your identity once, it becomes easier to break it again, forming a vicious circle. Protect your identity from the world and yourself.

Know When It’s Okay to Break Identities

I don’t miss workouts out of laziness. But if my body tells me that it needs a break, I listen to my body. Life’s not perfect. You won’t be able to keep up with your identities always. For instance, you may not be able to invest in the month you get unforeseen medical bills. Learn to recognise the situations when it’s okay to break your identities. And don’t beat yourself up over it.

Keep Adding Identities

As you keep learning, you’ll find other habits to help you grow in particular areas of life. Instead of just trying to follow those habits, add them to your existing identity manifesto and become that person. Instead of trying to do, decide to be.

Keep Revisiting

Life is chaotic. Humans are lazy. With time, your external environment, in collaboration with your weak reptile brain, will weaken your desired position. So keep revisiting your identities to remind yourself of not who you want to be, but who you already are. Then, recalibrate your actions to your identity.

Final Thoughts

It’s been 3 months since my father last smoked. It’s one of those things I’m extremely grateful for. Even though my brother and I don’t like going to those monks, I’m glad we did that day. Those few minutes helped my father quit smoking.

And all it really took was flipping a switch — from smoker to non-smoker in a moment. That’s what identity shifts are. Whatever you’re struggling within life, figure out who you need to be and just become.

If you want to start writing, don’t try to write. Tell the world and yourself that you’re a writer and the writing will take care of itself. If you weigh 200 pounds and you want to lose weight, don’t try to exercise. Tell the world and yourself that you’re a fitness freak, and in no time, you’ll have a body that fits the label. Stop trying to do. Start to be. You’re a human being, not a human doing.

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