To Change My Future, I Had To Change What I Believed

The making of me

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I grew up financially disadvantaged.

Actually, that’s an understatement. What I meant to say was that my family was exceedingly poor.

It was the kind of poverty that meant no electricity. In turn, that excluded us from the conveniences most people take for granted, like having a television or a refrigerator.

Of course, without a refrigerator, there were many foods that we were unable to eat at home.

I studied using an oil lamp throughout much of my high school years. Its flickering light was a constant reminder of the way we were struggling to survive.

Like most little girls I really, really wanted a doll to play with. It was all I could think about, and the desire usually grew stronger around Christmas, a time when dreams felt just a little closer to reality.

And yet, no doll ever appeared.

Instead, my sisters and I had to make dolls from dried mango seeds. We’d play with them for hours, pretending that they were the dolls that we somehow knew we would never have.

I realized that Santa Claus, if he existed at all, never visited the homes of certain people. People like me.

My adopted belief: Stop wanting things because you will never have them. Some people have and some don’t, that’s just how life works. However, work hard, be resilient, and be creative. When life hands you a lemon, make the best lemonade possible.

School

As a middle child, I found comfort in the world of books and writing poems. I could escape from the harsh realities of life within the pages of captivating stories.

I loved the stories in our storybooks at school. Two of my favorites were:

Androcles & the Lion — In that story, Androcles was hiding in a forest when he encountered a lion in pain. Androcles helped the lion by removing a thorn from one of its paws.

Eventually, Androcles was captured and as punishment, he was thrown into a cage for a lion to eat him. To everyone’s surprise, the lion went over to Androcles and showed him affection.

In a twist of fate, it was the same lion that Androcles had helped. When Androcles explained the story to the emperor, both Androcles and the lion were set free.

The Boy Who Held Back the Sea — This story was about a boy in The Netherlands (it was referred to as Holland in the storybook). A part of the country is below sea level and so they built dikes to keep the sea out.

One day, a young boy saw a leak coming from one of the dikes. If it was allowed to continue, his village would be flooded. So, he stuck his hand into the hole and remained there all night in the cold until help came.

My adopted belief: There is tremendous value in kindness, goodness, and helping others. You must make sacrifices to help others irrespective of the potential risks to yourself.

Photo by Cosmic Timetraveler on Unsplash

Church

I joined a church community in my teens. By this time, my father had died. Aside from school, church was the only place I was allowed to go.

The church that I joined was the holy roller tongue-talking kind — its worship was incredibly expressive and charismatic.

Two biblical teachings that stood out to me during that time are:

Mathew 19: 23–24 (KJV) — Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Assuredly, I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. And again, I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Luke 16: 19–31 — The essence of this passage is that there was a rich man and at his gate was a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores. He had to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Both the rich man and the beggar died but the rich man was in a place of fiery torment while Lazarus went to heaven.

The rich man called on Father Abraham to send Lazarus with water to cool his tongue because of his agony. But Abraham reminded him that in his lifetime he received good things, while Lazarus received bad things. So now Lazarus was receiving comfort while he (the rich man) was in agony.

My adopted belief: The desire for money will lead you to hell. Being poor is not a bad thing because you will go to heaven and meet God.

Adulthood

As I moved into adulthood and a life of work, these beliefs went with me.

I prided myself on my kindness, integrity, and ability to help and bring joy to others. I faced life’s challenges with resilience and creativity, always striving to maintain my principles and never compromising my values for monetary gain.

Yet, deep down, I always harbored a strong desire for financial security. This desire often guided my decisions.

As a single mother, to secure a better future for myself and my young son, I made the difficult decision to accept a teaching position in a foreign country.

Living as a working immigrant in a place where I felt like an outsider, where I felt like I never truly belonged, and where I often felt less than, tested me in ways I never imagined.

However, I worked hard. Because I believed in serving and putting the needs of others first, I became a sought-after chemistry teacher by students and parents.

In the end, primarily because of the beliefs I had adopted, not only did I survive in a foreign country — I thrived.

Change

I held onto money.

I held on to it with a tenacity that could match a drowning person clutching a life raft. I was frugal beyond necessary, and I saved every penny.

I never wanted to experience the kind of lack I had experienced as a child.

However, years later, I realized that I was living in a state of low vibration. I began to understand that if I continued to act and operate from a place of scarcity, then I would never have enough.

I started to change my mindset around money. This did not mean that I spent money foolishly. Far from it. But I was more willing to stop counting every dollar and cent.

The more I saw money as the tool that it was and used it for my greater good, the more it was returned to me.

My changed belief: Money is neither good nor bad. I live in a world of abundance. Desiring money to be able to take care of my family and others is nothing to be ashamed of.

Possibilities

One summer, I arranged for my family to meet up in Fort Lauderdale to celebrate the new year there.

We arrived at an event to ring in the new year a few minutes before midnight. There were people everywhere and the closest parking garage said: “FULL.”

My son was driving.

He asked us to exit and wait for him. To my shock, he drove straight into the parking garage with the overhead sign that said FULL.

When he returned a few minutes later, I asked him where he had parked. He said he had parked right inside that same parking garage. As he was going in, someone was coming out.

I knew I would never have done that. I would have driven away… but he was going to try.

This has been his attitude for years. When he told me that he was planning to be a candidate for school president in high school, I tried to dissuade him from doing it. After all, it was the entire student body that was voting.

He was an immigrant to the country. The other candidates had family members in the school. He was not going to win. Those were some of my many arguments to him.

But even at that age he looked me straight in the eyes and said:

“I would rather lose than know that I never tried.”

I had nothing left to say. He won me over.

He went on to win and become the school president.

My changed belief: Life is more flexible than I think. My mind and my thoughts can be an asset or a liability. You never know what’s possible unless you try so don’t be so willing to give up.

Worth

Shortly before the pandemic, my son called to let me know that he was taking me to Universal Studios in Orlando.

I was ecstatic!

I had never been, and it was a place I had wanted to take him when he was younger, but I couldn’t afford to.

If that was not enough, he booked the best hotel so that we could stay on the property and have access to the water boat. This was to ensure that we never had to drive to get to the theme park. He also booked the best rooms.

I would have happily stayed at a simple bed and breakfast to have the chance to go to Universal Studio. I said as much to him when I saw him.

I complained and I asked him why he spent so much money.

True to form, he looked me straight in the eyes and said:

“Mom, you are worth the best.”

My changed belief: I am valuable, and I am worthy. I can have what I want and more. I don’t need to settle anymore.

Conclusion

What you believe becomes your reality.

The boy that I taught to believe in himself, to chase his dreams, and that he can be anything that he wants to be, has turned into a young man who is now telling me the same.

He reminds me of who I am, what I mean to him, and what I mean to others.

Just like how he listened to me back then, I am listening to him now.

And I believe him.

What I know: I step into the future boldly. The best is yet to come.

A special thanks to Toni the Talker for the inspiration.

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