avatarVictor Cardenas

Summary

An office worker, Madisyn, issues a plea for the return of their stolen office items, including a stuffed Dilbert and a Dogwhistlebert statue, amidst concerns of workplace bias and political correctness.

Abstract

Upon returning to the office, Madisyn discovers the absence of personal items, notably a stuffed Dilbert and a Dogwhistlebert statue, and an original copy of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with real Oompa Loompas. These have been replaced with a copy of "All Quiet on the Western Front." Expressing distress over the perceived invasion of privacy and the influence of Critical Race Theory (CRT), Madisyn asserts that all political figures matter, referencing the birth month of several conservative figures. The writer emphasizes a commitment to law and order and individual rights within the workplace, offering amnesty for the return of the items. The context suggests a satirical take on contemporary political and social issues, including race relations and media bias.

Opinions

  • Madisyn criticizes the "woke mobs and hate groups" for the theft and implies a bias in the media's approach to Black history.
  • The writer opposes the prominence of Black history in February, suggesting it overshadows other historical figures born in the same month.
  • There is a clear disdain for Critical Race Theory (CRT), indicating a preference for a more 'colorblind' approach to history and politics.
  • The mention of a "Pepe the Frog doily" and a note about immigrants not cleaning surface tops suggests a viewpoint critical of immigration and perhaps sympathetic to alt-right symbols.
  • The writer, while asking for the return of their items, also invokes religious language to chastise the thief, indicating a moral high ground.
  • Victor Cardenas, mentioned at the end, humorously declares a willingness to join a race war contingent on the availability of diverse cultural foods, perhaps as a satirical commentary on the absurdity of racial divisions.

OFFICE POLITICS

To All: Please Return My Stuffed Dilbert Immediately

No questions asked

I’m not saying there’s going to be a race war, but here’s my first draft pick if it goes off. -xoxo Madisyn. Creative Commons

It’s my first day back at the office this week. I found my stuffed Dilbert missing. Please return to me and I will take care of it myself. No questions asked.

It has been a real shame to to see that the woke mobs and hate groups have stooped so low as to abscond my plushie. Before you reply to tell me that I’m racist — it’s the media that is racist. Look at how they let Black history run rampant for the entire month of February.

No fair — Supreme Court Justice Bret Kavanaugh, Glenn Beck, and Sarah Palin were born in February and are part of history too. All political figures matter. CRT is not for me.

I also noticed my Dogwhistlebert statue is missing. As is my original copy of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. The one with the real Oompa Loompas. In their place, a paperback copy of “All Quiet on the Western Front” sits.

This workplace runs on law and order and individual cube’s rights. Again, there will be no questions asked if returned. Please just set my missing items on my Pepe the Frog doily — the immigrants who clean the office don’t clean surface tops.

I’ll be praying for your felonious soul, thief. Bless your heart.

-xoxo, Madisyn

Victor Cardenas is willing to join the side of the race war that has pandesal, bánh mì, sambusas, falafel, dim sum, pav bhaji, paella, ramen, and Mexican street tacos.

Victor makes uncomfortable subjects funny.

Satire
Humor
Dilbert
Politics
Culture
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