Lessons From A Broken Heart

Differences Between Love And Illusion

Last week, was Valentine’s Week, and I by no means intend to rain on anyone’s parade, or poke fun at romance. I may have opinions about the philosophy of selecting of one day out of the year to show put our love and romance on display, in a motion of feeling like something nice has to be done, instead of wanting to be done. For everything, that is love, I just wanted to also share, what isn’t love.

Many opponents to Valentine’s will often make quotes along the lines of, “everyday should be valentine’s day” or something similar to that. I see myself on the fence regarding the good and bad about valentine’s. Whoever your valentine is, be sure that love, is the reason for it all.

Be warned of lust, and fatal attraction.

While I’ve learned much about this, I learned a majority of it the hard way, live and in person. Relationships are a team effort. I am reasonable to think that it can’t always be 50/50. At times, there’s likely to be 60/40, 70/30, heck, during the real tough times, even 80/20 may on rare occasions, be necessary.

However, when it is sacrificing like that, it is that sacrificing, that is done for the good of the relationship. Plus, we’re all human, and all different.

With the differences comes the fact that two people often individually go through tough times and great times at different times.

If you are taking the entire burden for two people, for weeks, months, or years, you’re really going through drama for two people. And you’ll know it. Because you’ll feel it. You may deny it, but your subconscious mind will still know.

Never chase what may be lust. Remember, those good looks on a person’s outside, are faded within decades. Ask yourself, how good looking are they on their inside?

Do you receive respect from them? More importantly, do you receive disrespect in front of others? A good mate’s mission is to not make you look bad in front of others. When there is conflict but it’s among two who are loyal, never make a woman look cheap, never make a man’s manhood look weak. It’s more than just a catchy sentence or catch phrase. It isn’t a philosophy that’s immature.

“The Man always pays” is an old school theory, that I actually like a lot. When able to, it can give a man a good feeling. If it’s not giving a man a good feeling, than take a second look. How are finances? Is it currently a tougher time than usual for you? Like anything, don’t give what you don’t got. A good mate, will agree.

What is best for both? Finances cause strain, and pain. They can hinder a relationship. I’ve seen times where one side is financially struggling, and the other side becomes angry. If one is measuring the weight of your wallet, ask yourself if it’s a trait you can deal with? Beware though, because it will risk to many times of embarrassment, whenever the wallet’s opened.

That embarrassment will most certainly evolve into resentment. That’s a hard feeling to overcome.

We in this world, sacrifice for the ones we love. We go without, we spend extra time, we skip other things fun, when it’s the other, who needs focus.

Sacrifice within reason. When you’ve made your sacrifices, but then you come into a time of need, see if the other side will sacrifice. If you’re in the hospital, is your mate concerned? Visiting? When you’re home convalescing, is your mate interested? Are they helping? Are they sacrificing, putting any focus on you?

This is absolutely not about a scoreboard. We’re not talking about keeping score, tracking who did more nice things than the other? It is during these times, that you’ll know all these answers, and you’ll see it clearly, long before you’re healed.

Last, if abuse is present, whether physical, verbal, emotional or mentally, look for the hope and strength, to be able to walk away. Because there is no anger worth staying.

No level of anger, justifies abuse. If it’s an anger that bad, than it’s a relationship, that can get badder. Abuse is only one thing, and that one thing is abuse. We know walking away can take extreme strength. But it is confidence that will help you seek freedom from abuse.

If a spouse spends more time breaking you down, then building you up, than you’re eventually going to fall.

I share these words, not as an opponent of love. Love is real, and it can be wonderful. Two healthy people, can combine to make one great life. It should bring joy, it should bring confidence. It shouldn’t blind you. It should never make you hate yourself.

This message of mine, is one that’s written based on experience. If a relationship, causes daily grief, you already know it’s not normal. Seek love for its endless gifts. Don’t seek it to validate. Validation comes from the inside out.

I may not be there world’s biggest expert. But I know what love is. And I surely know what it isn’t. Either way, you’ll see the signs early. Stay if you should. Your mind and your heart, already know.

Trust instincts. Trust those “funny feelings.” When you’re simply accepted, for exactly who you are, your path will be clearly shown.

MICHAEL PATANELLA, Author, Publisher