Tips to Avoid Depression as a Single Parent after Divorce

So, for those of you who don’t know, I am a divorced mother of a young son. Going through a divorce and losing your best friend in the world is like a death. It changes you forever and is an experience I would not wish on my worst enemy because when people say, “I do,” at least for me, the overwhelming majority believe it’s forever.

To make matters more complicated, when children are involved, it can really feel like you’ve been put in the spin cycle when the separation is acrimonious. Kudos to those who have amicable divorces and co-parent in partnerships and fellowship. Now, since I’ve been on the less pleasant spectrum, I know emotionally, it is difficult and can often lead to depression.

The problem is depression affects the person experiencing it as well as those around the depressed person. It can harm your children because they are more intelligent and feel more than we often give them credit for. Therefore, this motivated me to put together a few tips to decrease the chance of depression setting in. In this post, you will find three tactics that have helped me manage thoughts, emotions, and future uncertainty when feeling down and overwhelmed, enabling me to show up for my little one.

Number 1: Create a Routine

Establishing a regular schedule is one of the first steps toward maintaining stability in this new chapter of your life. A scheduled routine removes a lot of stress and frustration from daily life and creates a sense of normalcy for you and your child/children.

Initially, I started setting up my daily routine with the basics: mealtimes, bedtime, educational activities, and fun. Mealtimes were easy to schedule. The hardest part was meal preparation, which still gives me a run for my money, but knowing it’s a must three times a day (plus a snack or two) continues to provide me with that little bit of fire I need to pull it together.

Bedtime is pretty straightforward and doesn’t entail much creativity. However, I leverage a lot of kits and games to disguise educational time with fun time. My son and I are currently working through a Japace kit of 101 science experiments, wooden block puzzles, and the Disney edition of Family Feud, his absolute favorite!

After scheduling the basics, you can start incorporating other activities, such as exercise, weekend trips/activities, and spontaneous quality time spent with your offspring, as you become more comfortable finding your rhythm.

Number 2: Practicing Self-Compassion

Divorce often relegated my mind to a negative internal monologue full of self-criticism, questions about why it happened, and anxiety due to uncertainty regarding the future. When you are not the one clamoring to get out of the relationship, it’s hard not to ask yourself questions repeatedly. What could I have done differently? When did we get off track? Why didn’t I see it coming?

These questions will vary from person to person, but these are a few that frequently intruded into my thoughts. To combat these drain-circling thoughts, I immediately went to my journaling, where I challenged these thoughts and made many lists of pros and cons.

To challenge these self-deprecating questions, I asked myself what evidence exists to support the notion I did not do something specifically that would have changed the outcome. I then asked myself what positive things I did that could have changed the outcome to a more favorable one. I also focused on what lessons I have learned from the experience and how these challenges have helped me grow so that if I ever enter a new romantic relationship, I will enter as my best self, armed with a toolkit of wisdom.

Additionally, when self-reflecting in my journal, I focus on treating myself kindly and reminding myself how valuable I am. I write about what makes me unique, loving, an excellent friend/daughter/partner/mother/doctor, etc. I recognize it is entirely normal to have a range of emotions that include depression, frustration, and anger. Experiencing these emotions does not take away from the qualities I possess that make me a good parent and a person worthy of love and respect.

Practice self-compassion by taking time out to relax and recharge your batteries. This can be any activity that recharges you. Journaling, creative writing, drawing, painting, playing outside with my son, dancing, singing, and reading a good book help me recharge. My mother loves to get her hair done, followed by a manicure and pedicure. Permit yourself to take guilt-free breaks for relaxation and resetting your mood because you deserve compassion, kindness, and love.

Number 3: Build a Support System

The value of a strong support network is impossible to be overestimated. Surrounding yourself with a network of various people, whether they are family members, friends, co-workers, or even strangers, can provide support emotionally and with practical responsibilities such as walking the dog.

I often rely on some special friends in my life to chat with when I’m feeling down because they create a safe space for me to let my hair down without judgment. They also recognize I am not sharing because I want them to fix everything for me. Sometimes, I just need an ear. Other times, I do need advice, but I will ask specifically for their thoughts when that is the case.

While I recognize this is a compelling resource that improves mental health, I still don’t leverage this network as frequently as I should. But I’m still a work in progress. Another avenue I have leveraged is using the “Circles” app to join support group conversations with other divorcees. Discussions in support groups are educational and provide yet another vehicle to create bonds with people in similar circumstances.

Final Thoughts

This was just a list of three techniques I use to keep me afloat, balanced, and avoid depression. I also employ a litany of other things, so if you want to know more about this subject, let me know in the comments, and I’ll keep them coming.

I want you to know you’re not alone. Divorce can be traumatic. Single-parenting can feel like a monumental task. But you’re exceptional, strong, high-value, and you will get through it. Taking care of yourself is number one so you can be the best for your children.

So, eliminate some of the decision-making from the table with a scheduled routine. The schedule needs to include time for self-compassion and self-care, which can be in any form that best suits your tastes. Don’t try to go it alone because leaning on your support network to hold you up and provide guidance, laughter, a hug, and a sounding board is like cashing in the golden ticket.

Thank you very much for reading this article! I hope it has helped you or someone you know. If you enjoyed it, please engage by clapping, highlighting, and sharing. To receive additional content from me, follow and subscribe! I wish you happiness, love, and joy as you navigate a new chapter of singledom and parenting. We are in this together! Cheers!