Tips On How To Move Past Triggering Questions

Stop asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend!

Have you ever had it when you are thinking of someone, and they call you?

Today, I had this happen with a good friend and co-worker. She lost her sales position from the company she represented when Covid started. It was a shock because her numbers were excellent, and she built her territory from the ground up. If you have ever had this happen, you understand. I lost my job in 2009, so flashbacks of what it felt like to suddenly lose your job when you are top performer hit close to home.

She kept crossing my mind at various times throughout the week.

Why hadn’t I called her yet?

To be honest, I had a fear of triggering her if I asked her about a job update or if she knew what she was going to do next. I felt terrible as I had extreme empathy towards the situation. We are both strong females with a lot in common, so I was also taking that into account. I felt that she would be annoyed with such a call. I was waiting to be enlightened for something else to call her about.

So today, she called me. I love it when the universe delivers.

After we spoke, I thought even further about the triggers related to being asked questions. I did a deep dive into my memories. And my memories of being single came flooding back to me.

I didn’t get married until I was 34 years old. I was one of those girls that desperately wanted a boyfriend. All my friends got married before I did. I was the last one. And I am a child of the ’80s, 34 was considered old. It was agonizing.

I thought, what was wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Funny enough? I wasn’t the girl next door? Skinny enough? Too strong-willed? What was it? Why was I still single when everyone around me had someone special in their life?

It certainly wasn’t for lack of effort. Now, I wasn’t aggressive and I will say that. I have never been one of those bolder girls. I give them props. Well, let me rephrase, as long as they are not hitting on someone else’s man, I give them props.

I tried to meet a guy in so many ways. It consumed me.

· I asked everyone I knew to set me up on a blind date. If there was even an inkling that someone I knew might have a single guy friend, I was on it.

· I was on the lookout everywhere I went wondering, “Is he going to the one?”

· I did newspaper ads like Village Voice when I lived in NYC. Yep, that all existed before Match.com, eHarmony, and Tinder.

· I stopped wearing a watch, so if I saw a cute guy, I could strike up a conversation and ask him what time it was.

· I even went to church, and I am not someone who enjoys church. Everyone around me at church was asking God for money. I was asking for a boyfriend.

Lots of effort! And years later…still nothing.

Imagine what it’s like to be consistently asked, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Ouch. The sting hurt so badly it would often bring tears to my eyes.

What do you say to a question like that? This is when I realize that people don’t understand what they are asking and how it can hurt someone.

When I did have a date, I can imagine that my desperation flowed out of my pores, which is probably why I was rarely asked out on a second or third date.

A few years before meeting my now-husband, I was in a relationship that was a complete and utter nightmare. Why did I stick it out? I was tired of being single. I was happy to have a boyfriend and convinced myself as such. Pathetic and embarrassing but true.

The thought of being alone again in my thirties was excruciating. I couldn’t bear it, so I stuck with the compulsive lying jerk and tried to change him. No surprise, that didn’t work out so well.

I finally had the courage to leave after I visited a Tarot Card reader at a Renaissance Festival. Sure, you are like, “What?” Yes, it’s true. She and I had never met before. I randomly walked into her tent that day. And she read me like an open book. She called it right away, mentioning details no one knew. And her words were, “You need to leave him; he will never change.” That sealed it. I had the confidence to move on. I finally broke up. The blood, sweat, and tears finally made me cry uncle.

After that, I said that I would be an awesome aunt for my nieces and not worry about guys.

What happened next? I went on match.com. So much for that, right?

The difference was this time I did it for fun. I had a few beers with a good friend, and we both helped each other post our profiles. Within one month, I met my husband. He contacted me for a booty call, and I stuck to my guns saying we needed to have a real date first. Three months after that, we were engaged, and now he is stuck with me.

I guess it all works out when it is supposed to.

I believe in energy and manifestation, so maybe it had to do with that? If you are struggling with a challenge like mine or any challenge, try to let go a bit, have some fun, and see happens.

Some days you may feel stuck, and it may be difficult but trust that things do work out.

· Remind yourself of situations that did work out.

· Remind yourself that you are good enough, smart enough, nice enough, pretty enough, and funny enough.

· Then go hang out with a good friend or two.

· Believe that when its’ supposed to happen it will.

And go have your Tarot Cards read.