Tips on How to Identify and Break Automatic Negative Responses.
Changing our automatic thoughts allows us to change our life.
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- Breaking Automatic Thinking Habits
- Catch Those Negative Thoughts
- Identify Negative/Wasteful Thoughts
- Poem by Jackson Kiddard
- How to Change a Negative Response into a More Helpful Response
- Example 1, Example 2
- Parting Thoughts
Introduction
I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself — Aldous Huxley
We form negative thinking habits naturally, without even realising it.
By stopping our wasteful thoughts and realigning unhelpful thoughts, we increase our ability to think positively and be positive. As we gain small successes in managing our thoughts, we increase our power not to get hurt/disturbed/distracted/blame in the first place. This act reduces our recovery time from a difficult situation and allows me to be peaceful.
Breaking Automatic Thinking Habits
Negative thinking can quickly become an automatic response. We sometimes don’t realise that this is our autopilot in many situations. We must then learn to deliberately override this automatic reaction by becoming aware of how often we think wasteful, useless, negative thoughts.
Catch Those Negative Thoughts
The simplest way of stopping negative thoughts is to catch yourself doing/thinking them. Keep a notebook with you, and write it down each time you have a negative thought or reaction. This exercise lets you become more aware of how often you think negatively.
Identifying Negative, Wasteful Thoughts
A negative thought does not leave you peaceful, happy, calm, hopeful, trusting or confident about yourself or others.
Negative or unhelpful thinking leaves you frustrated, angry, blaming, fearful, worried, unhappy, sad, annoyed, hopeless, weak, disturbed, unworthy, and unconfident and causes you to have bad thoughts about yourself and others.
When we are jealous or a bit envious of another, do we find fault with that person? Ask yourself why?
When we blame someone for something — remind yourself of Gandhi’s words “Every time you point the finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you.”
Everything begins with us — this is a hard pill to swallow. When I blame, I ask myself what the three fingers point back at me.
Poem by Jackson Kiddard
Anything that annoys you, is teaching you Patience.
Anyone who abandons you, is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.
Anything that angers you, is teaching you forgiveness and compassion.
Anything that has power over you, is teaching you how to take power back.
Anything you hate, is teaching you unconditional love.
Anything you fear, is teaching you courage to overcome fear.
Anything you can’t control, is teaching you to let go.
By Jackson Kiddard.
Identifying negative, wasteful, unhelpful thoughts is not an easy task because it requires you to be honest with yourself. Often we are not ready to learn the lessons we need to learn, and often it is easier to blame others for our pain.
How to Change a Negative Response into a More Helpful Response
Pick a quiet day, take a few minutes, look at your notebook, and see how you can change that negative thought, feeling, and reaction into something positive.
- Write down the unhelpful thought.
- Write down why you feel that way
- Write down why you think it is unhelpful
- What is the alternative thought / the replacement more positive thought
Example One
The negative automatic thought/feeling is: “he is always like this; I don’t like him.”
The alternative, new thought is: you could say, “I accept him as this. I know I can’t change another; I can only change me. Therefore, I accept him as he is and choose to be calm around him all the time, no matter what. I listen without judgement, and I hear what he has to say. I hear his words and choose to be wise and remain calm. I know it will be fine. I am calm and peaceful, and it doesn’t matter who is wrong or right; my internal peace matters”.
Example Two
- The negative thought is “I am not good at cooking”,
- Why do I feel that way: “I messed up dinner again”.
- Why is it unhelpful — well, I am a great cook most of the time. This is not an everyday thing. But today, I was a bit off and feeling low.
- Affirmation: I am a good cook, love and rock at cooking. I am confident, and I recognise I have off days. Today was just an off day.
Parting Thoughts.
When you actively carry out this exercise regularly (daily or weekly). It will help you identify the unhelpful thoughts and will allow you to change your thought patterns. It will become easier to set yourself straight and break the habit of these thoughts. The great thing is that this will become a tool for life.
But make sure you challenge yourself to see yourself and your response. Yes, I know it is not always our fault. But, our response, our holding onto pain, is our choice. And if you want a happier life, you have to take responsibility for the thoughts you generate.
This post is an accumulation of about two posts from my blog www.thoughtsnlifeblog.com. Post 1, Post 2. Actually, this post is what my blog is about on the whole.
© 2023 bella of thoughtsnlifeblog
