Tiny Shoes

Hold big spaces in a momma’s heart

When I was with my daughter at the store the other day, we naturally had to make a pass through the shoe department. A girl’s gotta have priorities, after all.

She is an interesting combination of tomboy and “preppy girl” (her words) at this point, depending on the mood she’s in, so when we go shopping, I can only guess what she’s going to stop to look at these days.

She’s eleven years old, and she’s less than an inch shorter than me.

She wears half a shoe size smaller than I do, and she’s been in women’s clothing sizes for over a year.

She is frequently mistaken for a teenager when we’re out and about.

This child isn’t even officially a preteen yet, but she is definitely firmly past the little girl stage.

And as I was walking through, my eyes couldn’t resist lingering on all the shoes that are long in my past now.

Spirit and Lucky. (The horse and his friend — if you haven’t seen the movie Spirit, you should.)

Giant pink bows on tiny little boots.

Minnie Mouse and Elsa and Raya.

I miss them.

I miss those tiny shoes, and I miss the tiny hand that was tucked into mine while I browsed through them.

I miss the simplicity of a tantrum in the store. (I know it’s not simple in the moment, Mommas, and I’m not making light of it if that’s the stage you’re in.)

I miss being able to keep them close to me and solve their biggest problems in less than an hour while they gazed at me with wonder in their eyes.

I miss the ABCs and rhyming songs and bedtime stories they couldn’t read themselves yet and begged me to read one more time, while they burrowed down deep under my arm.

I miss their heads tucked under my chin as I rocked them till my arms felt like lead and I wondered if a person’s arms could literally fall off.

I miss those two little girls so much that I can hardly stand it sometimes.

But Lord, I love these young women.

I love the fire in my youngest’s eyes as she argues a point, even when it’s driving me crazy that she argues so many points.

I love the competence in my oldest daughter’s demeanor when she solves a problem for work.

I love these tiny girls who turned into young women with every breath that I take, and I can’t imagine my life without them.

What a beautiful thing it will be to watch them chart each new chapter.

My heart is full, and my hand now remains empty as they take the world by storm, confident in their own abilities.

What a beautiful thing that is, to give them wings.

Peace and love, y’all. ❤

© Melissa Gray 2023, All Rights Reserved