Tinder Profiles of Seven Dwarfs, If They Lived in Modern Times

Who said Snow White’s dwarfs wouldn’t be looking for connections?

We all know about dating apps too well. Sometimes we encounter interesting people, while others give us PTSD. But what if the seven dwarfs, Snow White’s loyal friends, were to create Tinder profiles? What would those look like?

Grumpy

This guy doesn’t have the time for Tinder — he’s too busy complaining about life and scolding everyone around him. His profile picture features Grumpy at his worst: angry face, frying pan in hand, running after one of his brothers.

The bio is short, but on point:

“Only message me if you can hold a conversation. Don’t waste my time if you can’t. Message for more info.”

In case his date makes fun of him like Dopey and Bashful do, Grumpy always brings a baseball bat with him. The legend has it; dates are rare for Grumpy.

Dopey

The most relaxed dwarf of them all. He knows what good weed smells like, and there is no way he would create a Tinder profile sober. Dopey has 17 photos, and 16 of them would be the same. The 17th is showing him rolling a joint.

“DM If you wanna chill. I have 6 more like me.”

Ladies love Dopey for the endless supply of the goods. It’s like having a free dealer on a speed dial.

Doc

Also known as The Doctor, this dwarf is always busy saving everyone’s butt. After a long day of putting out fires — mostly figuratively, but sometimes literally — all Doc wants is to Netflix and chill. Unlike some of his brothers, Netflix means Netflix for Doc, and chill means falling asleep due to exhaustion.

Doc’s smiling profile pic shows how genuine he is. The dwarf is also smart: he would never use any of his 1,200 selfies with Snow White on Tinder — he knows women might see her as a threat.

“Genuine guy looking for a real connection. I respect the ladies. Looking for a good partner.”

Naturally, Doc gets many more right swipes, compared to his fellow dwarves. He’s excellent at dinner dates.

Happy

Happy is happy even when single — apologies for the tautology. However, the dwarf made it his life mission to spread happiness. Not interested in dates; just wants to message everyone wishing them a good day. Got banned on Tinder for spam, had to switch to Bumble. Installed Grindr by accident, which made him even happier at the end.

“Message me if you’re looking to have a good time.”

Grindr users had a field day when he joined the app. Happy doesn’t have a profile picture, as he got bombarded with messages before getting a chance to select one. Grindr users aren’t picky.

Bashful

The most eccentric out of all the dwarfs. Started creating a Tinder profile but got distracted by silence in the house. Abandoned the mission half-through, and switch to destroying the living room. Made an unwise choice to cross Grumpy — had to sleep outside for an entire week. One lovely lady invited the dwarf to ruin her ex’s stuff — the best day in Bashful’s life.

“I’ll bash your stuff for cheap.”

Turned his Tinder profile into a small business: gets hired for divorced parties. Bashes ex-husbands’ and wives’ things like there is no tomorrow.

Sneezy

This cute little fellow made an unfortunate mistake of taking a profile picture during a massive sneeze. Now, the only people swiping right are those with sneezing fetish. Got propositioned to film himself sneezing on his feet.

“I will date you if you have a life-long supply of Kleenex.”

Unfortunately, the dwarf installed Tinder at the beginning of quarantine. There is almost no Kleenex available, and even the toilet paper is a scarce resource. Doesn’t get matches too often.

Sleepy

Enlisted Bashful’s help to create a profile, but slept through the entire thing. Bash got so incredibly mad; he destroyed Sleepy’s phone. No Tinder for Sleepy. But he doesn’t mind.