Tinder Is Causing Women To Overestimate Themselves

I conducted a Tinder experiment to prove a point

A few years ago, I decided to conduct a little experiment with Tinder. And the results I received changed my view of online dating forever.

I created an account on Tinder using a spare email address.

I chose my gender: female.

I chose her name: Sarah.

And I uploaded one photo: A view from my old workplace in Melbourne, Australia.

And that was it. I didn’t write a description. I didn’t write about her hobbies. Or her favourite bands. I put no effort whatsoever into her dating profile.

And these were the results:

I set up the profile, left it for one hour, only to find I had already received over 100 likes. I started swiping right, and got a match every single time.

Surprisingly, many of these men seemed to be normal, or even attractive. Some were doctors. Some were wearing business suits. Some of them looked like models. And I was matching with all of them.

The messages started rolling in: “Hello”, “Hi beautiful”, “Hey Mrs Mysterious”, “That’s a beautiful view”, “Hello Sarah, I was hoping we could get to know each other”, “Hey Sarah, enjoying your weekend?”, “Hey sexy”, “Pleasure to meet you Sarah, a bit shy are we?“

Honestly, I couldn’t believe that what I was seeing. I mean, for god sake. I hadn’t even uploaded a photo. And I hadn’t shared any information about myself whatsoever. All that seemed to matter was that I was a woman.

I thought that perhaps this phenomenon was unique to the UK, where I was conducting my experiment. So I decided to change my location. I re-tested the experiment in Mexico, Malaysia, Japan, Saudi Arabia and Greece. The results were exactly the same every single time.

It wasn’t a phenomenon unique to any particular culture. Instead, I concluded that it was just how male psychology interacts with online dating technology. No matter where in the world you go, male psychology stays the same.

(The truth is: online dating technology is fatally flawed. No matter what form it comes in, online dating apps will always have the exact same problem: Too many men and not enough women).

My experiences with online dating finally started to make sense. The difficulty in getting quality matches. The messages I’d sent that had been ignored. The short, uninterested responses I’d often received: “hey”, “good u”, “ok”, ‘I guess”.

I thought it was me. But it wasn’t. Of course it was difficult to get a quality woman out on a date through Tinder. They were absolutely overwhelmed with choices.

I quickly learned not to take online dating seriously. I learned that my results with online dating weren’t a true reflection of my attractiveness as a man. And I started focusing my dating efforts more in the real-world.

But then I started paying attention to how online dating apps were affecting the psychology of women. It became clear to me that online dating apps were causing women to overestimate themselves.

How Tinder causes women to overestimate themselves

(Let’s get something out of the way, this isn’t some misogynist rant. I think women are fantastic creatures. I have not written this piece to take a stab at women, I just want to explain how Tinder (and other apps like it) affect the psychology of a lot of women).

It was around 2016, and I had noticed something: There seemed to be a huge difference between the levels of confidence in young men and young women.

While many of the men I knew were without a girlfriend, sitting at home and playing video games by themselves all day, the women I knew and met seemed to be brimming with confidence.

Even women who few would consider to be conventionally attractive seemed to carry a strong sense of self-esteem and confidence; something that I wasn’t seeing with men.

The women I met would look me directly in the eyes and speak with a strong vocal tonality. And they would often talk about their dating lives and the men who were chasing them.

Even a friend of mine, a 24-year-old girl who was struggling with obesity, had men chasing after her on Tinder and Instagram.

I hypothesised that the treatment women were receiving online was boosting their confidence in the real world, while the opposite was true for men.

But the truth is, online dating technology, as well as social media, has led to women to overestimating themselves.

The reason is this: there’s a huge difference between who men want to sleep with and who they want to make their long-term girlfriend.

On the whole, men will look for opportunities to have quick, no-strings attached sex. Men will have sex with women they would never dream of considering as a long-term partner.

Men aren’t choosy when it comes to which woman they have sex with, that’s true. But men become extremely choosy when it comes to which woman they want as a long-term girlfriend.

So what’s my point?

Online dating apps lead women into a kind of trap. An illusion, if you will.

Women falsely assume that the high number of matches and likes they receive on online dating apps and social media reflects their real-world attractiveness.

Women: just because you receive a lot of attention from men on online dating apps and social media, that doesn’t mean you’re hot stuff on the dating market.

After all, as we’ve seen from the above experiment, even if you don’t include any photos of yourself you’ll still receive a lot of attention from men.

For women too — it’s important that you don’t take online dating seriously. Do not be fooled. Most of the men on online dating apps who are messaging you just want fast sex. The majority of them do not want a relationship with you.

Getting sex from men is easy. Getting into a relationship with a man you find attractive is hard. They are not the same thing.

Just because you receive messages from handsome, rich and successful men online, that doesn’t mean that you’re on their level. And that doesn’t mean that you should raise your standards for the men you’ll consider dating.

Do not allow online dating apps to confuse you into raising your standards higher than they should be. After all, having standards for men that are unrealistically high is a recipe for loneliness and frustration.

If you’re an average woman, you’re probably not going to be able to make any of the handsome, rich and successful men who match with you on Tinder your husband or boyfriend.

And (I say this with love and good intentions) you should not reject the men who are more realistic options for you because online dating apps have convinced you that you’re more attractive than you actually are.

Hold on. Do you consider yourself a creative? Looking for a side-hustle? Medium is perfect way to make some extra cash. Click here to start earning immediately.